


When Worlds Collide

by Rivermoon1970



Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, Emotional Baggage, Emotional pain, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Insanity, Light Dom/sub, M/M, Mystery, Possible Hotch Unsub, Possible Reid UnSub, Secrets, Slash, Trust Issues, deep secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-15
Updated: 2015-02-25
Packaged: 2018-03-01 15:56:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 55,818
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2779040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rivermoon1970/pseuds/Rivermoon1970
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>BAU Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner has been keeping secrets.  Well, more secrets than he normally does and when a certain young genius comes back into his life things start to spiral out of control.  Can Hotch get himself out of the sticky situation he finds himself in, or will he go down in his own web of lies and deceit.  Perhaps someone from the teams past will be able to wade through the lies and deception before they are all pulled into a whirlwind of infinite destruction.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Too Deep

**Author's Note:**

> Slight AU. Jack was also killed during the Foyet attack and Spencer spiraled back into a haze of drug addiction. Mature rating for now, but may go up. This is my first slash story. Reviews are always welcome, good or bad I take them all.
> 
>  
> 
> _Immature love says: I love you because I need you, Mature love says I need you because I love you_ \- Eric Fromm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The essence of lying is in deception, not in words. - John Ruskin

“Sir, someone left this at the front desk for you”. Jennifer Jareau gave her boss Aaron Hotchner, Unit Chief of the FBI’s most elite team of profilers, a white envelope with just his name on it. When he saw the writing on the front his pulse quickened, his mouth was dry and he was just a tiny bit excited. Outwardly, the mask that he’s perfected over the years stays in place.  


“Thank you JJ,” He says in the voice he uses for the office.  


“Is it important? Sorry, I don’t mean to pry”. JJ backpedals when she sees the look her boss gives her.  


“It’s nothing important. Thank you Jayje, that will be all”. JJ frowned slightly but knew better than to question Hotch further.  


“Well, I’ll be in my office if you need anything”. She quirked up her brow and stood for a couple of seconds then walked off. She knew she was dismissed and Hotch wasn’t going to give up any information on the mysterious letter.  


As soon as JJ left Hotch walked to his door and locked it. He then closed up his blinds and sat back down in his very comfortable office chair. He turned the envelope over in his hands a few times then looked at the front. The now familiar writing that just said “To Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner”. He took a moment, anticipating what the message was going to bring him. He took his time savoring those feelings of anticipation and excitement. He knows he shouldn’t do this again. A part of him keeps telling him what he’s doing is wrong, but he can’t seem to stop. He also anticipates the day when he and the sender of the letters will finally be together, forever. Of course then he has to make the decision, take in the sender and expose his own role in this deception, or finally fully succumb to the cat and mouse game they had been playing for months now.  


Hotch picked up the letter opener and slowly but carefully opened the envelope drawing out the excitement, the anticipation and a little of the fear. He pulled out the very familiar stationary with the customary key card to go along with it. He reads the note and picks up the key card, puts it in his pocket and slowly smiles a dark feral grin.  


The note reads, “You’re newest present is at the Holiday Inn, room number 117. Our usual time, don’t be late”. Hotch sighs deeply, a thrill runs up his spine. It’s like this every time. He knows it’s wrong, he knows he should put a stop to this, but he is in too deep. He’s addicted to the rush, to the thrill of possibly being caught, possibly losing his badge and his freedom but he just doesn’t care.  


___________________________________________  


JJ walks away towards her desk but makes a stop near the desk of her colleague, Derek Morgan. “Derek, have you noticed something going on with Hotch the last few months?”  


Morgan turns to the pretty blonde and studies her for a moment, “No, why? Have you noticed something?”  


“I can’t put my finger on it, but something has changed, he’s, I don’t know even more secretive?”  


“Jayje, I don’t think Hotch could be any more secretive than he already is. That man keeps everything close to his chest. Hell, we wouldn’t have even found out he was getting a divorce if Hayley hadn’t served him papers in the office”.  


“I know, it’s just…aw hell, I’m probably just reading too much into it, never mind”.  


“No, hey what’s going on?”  


JJ took a deep breath before continuing, “He got a strange letter. It was left at the front desk for him and when I gave it to him he didn’t even blink. It’s like….” JJ didn’t know how to put into words the feeling she got off of her boss when she gave him the letter.  


Morgan frowned deeply, “Like what Jayje?”  


“Like he was anticipating it, waiting for it,” She looked at Morgan for a moment before going on, “I don’t know, maybe I am reading too much into this, sorry”.  


“It could be something regarding having to do with Hayley’s will, or something innocent. If I were you, I’d let it go for now”.  


“Yeah, you’re right, I need to just let this go. Okay, never mind I said anything”. JJ walked off to go to her office, but it left Morgan wondering.  


__________________________________________  


Everyone except Hotch had left the BAU offices by 6 p.m. that night. That meant Hotch was all alone, he took the letter out and read it again. He ran a finger over the flowing tight cursive and sighed. Something about the writing and the commanding tone to the letter always went straight to his groin. Hotch closed his eyes and thought about the evening ahead. His earlier thoughts came flooding back, but he pushed those fears aside. The fear was part of the thrill.  


He went home to change into a softer pair of khaki’s, polo shirt and slip on loafers. He grabbed the hidden bag he kept in a locked box in his closet and headed out the door. He pulled on his driving gloves, slowly pulled out of his driveway and headed towards his appointment. He made it to the hotel five minutes before the appointed time and quietly slipped into the room. Before he got further in he went into the bathroom. He took off the polo shirt which exposed his well defined chest and stomach muscles. He wasn’t the six-pack abs type like Morgan, but he was toned and well defined. He liked to keep in shape biking and running, and his job with the FBI almost demanded it. He ran his hands over the scars a psychopath had inflicted on him almost two years ago. He was no longer embarrassed by them, but they did fuel this fire deep within. He pulled the black mask out of his bag and put it on. He also stepped out of the loafers and put it with the polo shirt inside his bag. He changed his gloves to the thinner leather ones, and then when he was satisfied he stepped into the room to see the pretty brunette tied down on the bed wrapped up in a big red bow. He looked down at her and smiled. His friend always seemed to know when he wanted, no needed to play and after the last few weeks he definitely needed to play.  


He pulled out of the black bag a collar, but not just any ordinary collar; this had a small voice modulator attached. The modulator fit perfectly against his throat and he had a small remote that he kept in his pants pocket for it. He turned it on, looked at the young woman, smiled darkly and said, “Are you ready to play?”


	2. Six Months Earlier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron discovers a new coffee shop and something else that he's been missing a lot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a longish chapter, hope you guys don't mind.  
> \-----------------------
> 
>  _Immature love says: I love you because I need you, Mature love says: I need you because I love you_ Eric Fromm

Hotch had noticed the new café a couple of months earlier. It was called Java Libre a kind of coffee house/bookstore combo. It was attractive and comfortable and they made some of the best coffee he’s had in years. He’d been stopping in everyday for a cup before heading into the office. He hadn’t met the owner yet, and he was hoping to one day to complement them on their choice of roasters.

This particular morning he was fairly early. He had the nightmares again the night before and woke-up sweating and shaking. He knew that he wasn’t going to get anymore sleep so he got up, took his shower and decided to stop at the café for a while before heading into the office. He had some case files he wanted to look at before heading in so he sat at one of the tables in the back. He sat with his back to the wall, but easy access to the door. His hyper-vigilance hadn’t gone unnoticed by his colleagues, but honestly they couldn’t blame him.

“Well, that’s something that never changes, does it Aaron?”

Hotch was startled when he looked up and saw that someone had sat down in front of him, “Spencer,” he whispered the younger man’s name.

“Miss me Aaron?” There was a bitter tone to the young man’s voice.

Hotch put the files aside, sat back and studied the young man, “Do you even have to ask me that Spencer?” Hotch sighed, letting a little of the pain he felt come through.

“Honestly, yes,” Spencer studied his ex-boss and ex-lover for a minute before he continued, “How have you been?”

“I have missed you Spence”. Hotch chose to ignore the second question because even he doesn’t know how he is. There are days that he feels like he is going crazy, that he is teetering on that fine edge of sanity. He knows at this point it wouldn’t take much to push him over the edge, but he keeps going anyway, even if it’s to prove to himself that there is something to live for.

“Avoiding the question, that was always one of your problems, our problems. Avoiding the difficult things”. Spencer leaned forward and looked at Hotch with a dark knowing look, “How are you Aaron?” He asks again.

Hotch closed his eyes for a minute, opened them then looked back at the man that he once had, and still had deep feelings for, “Spence, let’s not do this here. How long have you been back anyway?”

Spencer smiled, “Well, since I opened this café. Did you honestly not figure out this was my place?” 

Hotch raised his brows and was genuinely surprised, “Honestly, no, but I probably should have figured it out. I was drawn here the first day it opened. Congratulations, you found a way to have your passions all in one place”.

“Not all of them”. He turned dark smoldering eyes on Hotch and waited.

“Spencer…”Hotch swallowed hard thinking over his relationship with the young Dr. Spencer Reid, certified boy genius and one-time brilliant FBI profiler. “I’m sorry Spencer. I know that doesn’t make-up for all of the mistakes..”

“Aaron, like you said, let’s not do this here. I’m sorry for not being there at Hayley and Jack’s funerals. But, I was kind of…incapacitated”. Spencer looked Hotch in the eyes and saw the depth of pain the older man was still going through.

Hotch closed his eyes and wanted to cry. He had been so wrapped-up in his own grief over losing his ex-wife and son that he didn’t even think about Spencer’s feelings. Spencer had loved Jack like a son and when Hotch had ignored his pain, he had turned to his old addiction.

Before he knew what he was saying Hotch asked, “Do you want to come by the apartment? We can talk”. Hotch looked hopeful and scared at the same time.

“Alright, what time? Should I bring dinner?” This was all too civil, but each one knew they wouldn’t truly be able to move on unless they hashed out all of the things that were holding them back.

“How about 7:30? And, dinner sounds good. You know what I like…”

A small feral smile graced the young man’s face, “I certainly do” He saw the way Hotch’s eyes darkened with the memories of their time together, “Our usual time,” Spencer looked hard at the older man, “Don’t be late”.

____________________________________________

Luckily the team was on stand down for the week. They’d had a fairly heavy case load the last month and Chief Strauss was not immune to the stress this was causing. She took them off rotation to let them have some downtime and an easy week in the office. Hotch was finished with his paperwork fairly early which let him get to some of the consults he had put aside. When those were done and sent off he sat back and took a moment to think about the evening ahead. His emotions were a ball of confusion. He had let down another person he loved and the guilt he felt wasn’t something that was going to go away any time soon.

“Hey, going to my club for a drink, want to join me?” SSA David Rossi poked his head into Hotch’s office to ask him out before he left.

“Maybe next time Dave, I’ve got plans”. Hotch winced at the confession because he knew Dave was not going to let this go.  


“Oh Aaron?” Dave smirked wondering if Hotch was beginning to heal, he doubted it, but he held out hope.  


“Um, I ran into Spencer…” Dammit, Hotch really didn’t want to go there with Dave, but there it was.  


Dave walked into Hotch’s office and sat down across from his friend, “Oh really? How is he?”  


Hotch knew there was no getting out of this conversation so he resigned himself to it, “He looks good. He’s the one that opened that new café, Java Libre. I should have known there was a reason I was drawn to it…” He looked up at Dave with a wistful smile on his face.  


“Really, I’ve been there a few times myself. They make the best damn espresso in the city. Good for him. How are you Aaron?” Dave was one of the very few people that knew about his and Spencer’s relationship.  


“Honestly Dave, I don’t know. He’s coming over tonight”.  


“Well, good luck, I hope it goes well,” Rossi got up to leave, turned around at the door and looked at his friend, “I think it’s time you let go of that guilt you’re still carrying around Aaron. You couldn’t help yourself, let alone Spencer”.  


“But Dave…”  


“Aaron, you were drowning in your own grief, and rightly so, no one blames you for what happened to Spencer, except yourself. He chose the path he took, not you. You need to let it go”.  


“Maybe you’re right Dave, but I can’t help feeling partially responsible. I loved…love him too and I let him down. I wasn’t the only one to lose…”  


“I know Aaron, I know. Go home, have your talk, hash all this out and maybe you can finally forgive yourself”. With that Rossi walked away, now he really needed that drink he thought.  


____________________________________________  


A few minutes after Dave left Aaron Hotchner was packing up for the night. He walked out of the office and made it home to his empty apartment a half hour before Spencer was going to show up. He decided to take a quick shower and change into something more comfortable. He poured himself two fingers of bourbon and thought ‘liquid courage’.  


Precisely at 7:30 the doorbell rang. Hotch opened the door and saw Spencer standing there. Even though he knew it was Spencer, Hotch still couldn’t believe it.  


“Going to invite me in?” Spencer rocked back on his heels and looked at Hotch with raised brows and a wistful look on his face.  


“Of course, sorry, come in”. Suddenly all Hotch wanted to do was grab the young man and kiss him long and hard. He wanted to pour all of his pain and frustration, his love and his loss all into one kiss, but he held back, at least for the moment.  


“I know you don’t drink a lot, but I have a bottle of wine…” Hotch swallowed, he hadn’t been this nervous since he had first asked Spencer out on a date, “You can put the food over there on the counter”.  


Spencer walked into the kitchen and set the bags on the counter and turned around to find Aaron standing right there. Neither one moved for what seemed like an eternity. They stared at each other, both breathing heavy, dark heavy emotions swirling around them. It was a long couple of minutes before anyone did anything. It was Hotch who finally broke the spell. He suddenly grabbed the young man and pushed him against the wall, fisted his hands roughly in the soft silky hair and crushed his lips hard against Spencer’s. At first Spencer was too shocked to do anything, but he slowly let himself give in and returned the kiss. It was all tongue and teeth, biting and nipping and all too familiar. Spencer tasted that unmistakable taste that was all Aaron. He breathed in the other man’s scent and it was intoxicating. Finally Spencer’s right hand moved up to the short dark hair, caressing the back of his head while his left was lifting Aaron’s shirt, trying to get at the flesh underneath. Aaron pulled back slightly and looked in Spencer’s eyes to see the fire that he had ignited. He pushed into Spencer’s body, wanting to feel every inch of him all at once. He went back to ravishing the younger man’s lips and slowly kissed his way down to nip at his chin, licking down his jaw and slowly licked and nipped a path to suck at the sensitive area just behind Spencer’s ears. A moan escaped the young man’s lips as he gave into the sensations that were firing through him.  


Hotch pulled back after a minute, laid his forehead on Spencer’s, hands resting on either side of the other man’s face, breath ragged and pleading, “What do you want Spencer? Tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you, anything…”  


Spencer pulled Hotch back into a kiss this time slower, a little more gentle but still hot and wet and needy. He dragged his tongue over the older man’s lips savoring the taste of coffee, bourbon and that unmistakable taste of Aaron Hotchner. It was heady and he could feel Aaron straining for more. He could feel the older man getting hard and the knowledge that Spencer was doing that to him made his own erection swell. All day he thought about what they were going to talk about, but seeing Aaron in front of him like that he lost all thoughts of reason. A part of him hoped that this would happen but he was just surprised it started less than five minutes after he walked into the apartment.  


Finally, he responded to Aaron’s question, “You, naked, bed, now”. Was all he could get out between heated breaths. Hotch didn’t need to be told twice. He grabbed Spencer’s hand and roughly pulled the younger man into his bedroom. Hotch reached out and grabbed at the vest Spencer was wearing. He got it unbuttoned and off of him then he started working on the buttons but got frustrated halfway through and just ripped the shirt off. Spencer had pulled Aaron’s shirt over his head and moved in to kiss and nip at the man’s neck. Aaron’s head fell back and he let himself give into the pleasure. Spender’s hands were wandering, caressing Aaron’s chest, ghosting over the scars. He pulled Aaron into a tight hug and gently nipped and bit at his neck and shoulders. After a few minutes Aaron pushed Spencer roughly back on the bed and fell onto his lover, kissing him and palming Spencer’s erection through his jeans.  


“Oh god, Aaron, I missed you, I missed this. Touch me please touch me, I need you..”  


Aaron let out a low feral growl, “Shut up Spencer,” He said with a smile as his mouth descended back onto his young lover. He slowly started to lick and bite all over Spencer’s chest, trailing down his body till he got to Spencer’s waist. Aaron sat back and fumbled with Spencer’s jeans, trying to get them open and to the object of his desire. He moved down the bed and roughly pulled the offending garments off and saw just how hard Spencer was. He didn’t waste any more time and took Spencer’s hard cock in his mouth.  


As soon as Spencer felt that hot wet mouth descend onto his cock he yelled, “Oh fuck, Aaron, god, yes, more please”. Aaron stood and swiftly took off the rest of his clothes, walked over to the nightstand and grabbed the bottle of lube and a condom he kept there. He slicked up his fingers and went back to sucking Spencer’s hard cock. At the same time he pushed one slick finger slowly into Spencer’s tight hole. “Yes, more, Aaron, more”, Aaron started moving his finger deeper inside till he hit that spot that he knew drove Spencer crazy. He simultaneously stimulated Spencer’s prostate while taking the young man’s cock fully in his mouth. The noises that Spencer was making went straight to Aaron’s groin and just made his already hard erection, harder. After a couple of minutes Aaron added a second finger and started to move his fingers in a scissor motion to stretch that tight, hot hole. By the time he added a third finger Spencer was wildly bucking against Aaron’s fingers and mouth. The double stimulation was driving Spencer crazy and he feared he would orgasm too soon.  


“Ssstop, Aaron, don’t want… not yet, oh god, fuck me Aaron, right….now….please”, Spencer looked at Aaron with pleading eyes. He wanted, no needed to feel Aaron fill him up.  


Aaron sat up and positioned himself between Spencer’s legs. The head at the entrance to Spencer’s ass, Aaron looked down, “This Spencer, this is what you want?” He asked with a deep growl to his voice.  


“Yes, please, please….” Spencer was bucking, trying to feel Aaron’s cock begging for Aaron to fill him. Aaron didn’t let the man suffer too long, he put on the condom, used a little more lube and in one swift stroke pushed in, “Oh god Spencer, you’re so fucking tight, you feel so good. I’ve missed you, I’ve missed you”, Aaron laid his forehead on top of Spencer’s and started to slowly move his hips. He started to go slow, he had wanted to take it slow, but his passion took over and he set a brutal pace, taking Spencer right up to the edge and then slowly backing off. He did this a few times and could feel Spencer’s need for release. Aaron could feel himself on the verge. He reached down and grabbed Spencer’s straining cock and moved his hand up and down knowing just how close the young man was.  


“Come for me Spencer, I want to watch you come”. Aaron whispered in his lover’s ear. Spencer couldn’t hold back anymore, the command went straight to his core and before he knew it the orgasm exploded in thick white strands all over his stomach. Aaron’s eyes went dark and feral, “mine”, he growled before he grabbed Spencer’s hips and violently pushed in. He pushed in and out a few more times before his own orgasm ripped through him as he yelled out Spencer’s name.  


Aaron collapsed on top of his lover, spent and happier than he had been in a long time. Spencer started to squirm a bit under Aaron’s heaviness. Not that he minded, he had missed the feel of the older man on him, but he couldn’t find a comfortable position.  


“Sorry,” Aaron pulled out, pulled off the condom, knotted it and threw it away. He then lay on his back and pulled Spencer tight into his chest, just wanting to hold him.  


After a few moments Spencer rested his chin on Aaron’s chest, lazily exploring the scars that Foyet had given his lover a few short years ago. “You know this doesn’t fix anything Aaron”.  


“I know Spence, I just…I just needed you”. Aaron closed his eyes and bent down to place a kiss on Spencer’s head. Spencer was surprised at this moment of vulnerability and need he felt from Aaron.  


Just then Spencer’s stomach growled, “As much as I would love to stay in bed with you, I think we should eat something and talk. Don’t you?”  


“Do you want a shower first? I’ll go heat up the food if you want to go first”.  


“Thanks, I think I will”.  


“I still have some of your things in the bottom drawer,” Spencer looked up at Aaron and understanding shown in his eyes.  


After both men had showered and were sitting down eating and drinking some of the wine Aaron had uncorked they looked over at each other, not knowing where or how to begin.  


Hotch looked over and decided to break the awkward silence “Spence…” He didn’t know what to say, what he wanted to say, or what he needed to say. “I’m so sorry, I know that can’t make-up for what happened, but I regret letting you go. I was just…I couldn’t handle it Spence. I’m still having trouble. I pick-up a stray toy, or see a long forgotten picture and the pain, it’s too much…”  


Spencer moved to the couch to be next to Hotch and pulled the older man into his arms. “I know Aaron, I miss him too. It broke both of us. Isn’t that what Foyet wanted? We let him win Aaron, both of us, we let him win”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is my first slash story and my first slash scene, please be kind. I do love reviews that help me make things better.


	3. Present Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hotch is in trouble and the team does not know how to handle it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _To be trusted is a greater compliment than being loved_ George MacDonald

Aaron was finished and had put away his toys when he reached over to untie the young brunette. Just then the door burst open and he heard a familiar voice yell, “FBI, back away from the woman turn around and put your hands in the air”. The agent had his gun trained on Hotch.

JJ had run into the room to check on the woman who asked, “Do I still get paid?” JJ looked down at her in shock.

Dammit, thought Hotch, I thought I had more time. He did as he was told. He backed away from the girl, and put his hands in the air. The collar was still on when he said, “It’s not what you think, Agent Morgan”.

“What the hell? How do you know my name?” His voice was forceful and aggressive.

Hotch sighed and knew he was caught, what was strange was that he wasn’t nervous. He thought he should be, but he wasn’t, he was resigned. His fate from here was written.

“Let me take this off,” Hotch pointed to the collar and the mask.

“Slowly and with just your left hand,” Morgan gestured with his gun

“I’m not armed”.

“Just do what I tell you”. Morgan said with that same aggression in his voice.

Hotch quirked up a brow and amusement shone behind his eyes. Those were some of the same words he had said to many an unsub and now here he was roles reversed. He carefully reached his left hand down and took off the collar and threw it on the bed. He bent his head down and carefully took off the mask. He put his left arm back up then ever so slowly lifted his head to look into the face of a very shocked Agent Morgan.

The tension in the room just shot up and suddenly everyone was on edge, “Hotch?” Morgan looked shocked, confused, angry and a whole host of emotions crossed over his face in those few seconds. He lowered his gun in stunned silence He really didn’t know what to do.

JJ looked equally shocked, “What the hell Hotch?”

“As I said, it’s not what you think”.

“I don’t know what the hell to think”. Morgan really didn’t know what to do. This was his boss, his unit chief, a man he has looked up to for years. This situation just went from bad to worse in a mere matter of seconds.

“Morgan, you follow protocol. You take me in and question me, that’s what you do”. Hotch looked at his agent and nodded telling the man that he understood.

“What the fuck? Screw protocol, you give me some answers right now”. Hotch knew the anger stemmed from friendship and something deeper. This was family, and he had betrayed them.

“Hotch, we have to do this. I am going to have to cuff you and we are have to go back to the FBI offices”. JJ said quietly, the feeling of betrayal went deep. She was having trouble processing what the hell was going on.

“JJ, we aren’t going anywhere till I get some answers. Hotch what in the hell are you doing here?”

“What does it look like?” Hotch glared at the agent daring him to try to piece together what was going on.

“It looks like you’re in a hotel room with a prostitute and some S&M type mask on. And said prostitute has marks all over her from god knows what. This girl has some of the same marks as the recent case we’ve been trying to solve, so what the fuck? Have you gone completely off the rails?”

“The first part is right, but I will tell you this Morgan, I didn’t kill any of the others. I’ve been trying to figure it out right along with you guys”.

Just then Dave Rossi walked in and stood there taking in the scene in front of him, “So, this is where you were when we got the call. Do I even want to know?”

“Dave, just follow protocol”. 

“Okay Hotch, okay. Morgan, lower you’re weapon, JJ cuff him we’ll need to interrogate you Aaron, you know that”.

Hotch quirked his lips in a small smile and let out a chuckle thinking about how they were each probably going to try to interrogate him. They knew he knew all of their tactics, hell he’d trained most of them. 

“This isn’t funny Hotch”.

“No Morgan it isn’t”.

“Then why the hell are you smiling”.

“You guys interrogating me”. They all looked at him in stunned silence and knew exactly what he was trying to say. This was going to be a nightmare.  
________________________________________________

They got back to the FBI offices and put Hotch into an interrogation room. They had let him put his shirt and shoes back on as they processed the scene. He knew what they would find, nothing. No DNA, no fingerprints, no hairs, no physical evidence of any kind. He also knew with no evidence and no confession they couldn’t hold him for more than 72 hours.

Dave Rossi went back to his office and sat down with a heavy sigh. He reached into his desk and pulled out the bottle of 16 year old scotch that he always had hidden in there. He poured himself a glass, sat back in his chair, closed his eyes and sighed. He really didn’t know what to do and felt he was in over his head with this one. His best friend, a man he greatly admired and loved was sitting in an interrogation room waiting to be questioned. He knew there was only one thing he could do. He had immediately talked to Strauss about bringing someone back on an emergency basis and she didn’t even hesitate, she signed the papers and retrieved the old credentials and handed them to Rossi. Dave picked up the phone and dialed the one phone number that he wished he never needed to use.

“Jason, it’s Dave. We have a situation and you may be the only person who can help us resolve it”. Dave waited to see if Jason Gideon would even respond.

“What is it Dave, why are you calling me so late? What could be so important?”

“Jason, it’s Hotch he’s been taken into custody”.

“I’ll be there as soon as I can”. Jason Gideon didn’t even hesitate. He knew he messed-up by not coming to Haley and Jack’s funeral, but he wasn’t going to mess it up this time. Whatever Aaron Hotchner has or hasn’t done Jason was going to be there for him, even if was to the bitter end.

Dave walked back to the interrogation room and stood on the other side watching his friend. He felt someone walk up beside him and when he turned to the side he saw Penelope Garcia standing there, tears shining in her eyes.

“Sir, I’m sorry, I know I’m not supposed…” Dave moved beside her and pulled the woman into a hug.

“Kitten, you don’t have to be sorry. None of us know how to handle this situation”. 

“What do you want me to do? I don’t know what to do”. She turned to look at the senior profiler hoping that he had the answers.

“We do our job Garcia, that’s what we do”.

“But sir…”

“The only way to find out what is going on is to do our jobs. You know you’re going to have to dig into his life. If you want Kevin…”

“NO, no,” Garcia looked at her boss with wide stormy eyes, “I don’t want anyone else doing this. I have to, I have to believe that it’s NOT what it looks like”.

Dave gave her a warm comforting smile, “Okay Kitten, okay”.

All of a sudden they heard Hotch from inside the interrogation room, “Dave, Garcia, I know the two of you are in there. If you want to ask me questions you’re going to have to come in here”. His brows quirked up as he stared through the two-way window, hand on the speaker.

“How does he do that?” Hotch’s ability to know more than he let on always freaked her out just a little. 

Dave’s own expression mirrored Hotch’s, “Because he knows us so well Kitten. Come on, if you want to talk to him now’s your chance, because once this starts…” She shook her head in understanding.

Garcia was nervous. Not because they had a possible unsub in their interrogation room, but because that possible unsub was a man she admired and loved, someone she thought of as part of her family, someone who saw more in her than just a hacker. And these thoughts were messing with her head.

Dave gently took her elbow and led her into the room. Hotch, being the southern gentlemen he was brought up to be, stood and offered Garcia a chair.

“Thank you sir…” He voice trailed off. She was so outside of her comfort zone.

“Garcia, I know you’re going to have to dig into my life and there will be things that I’ve kept from all of you, but they were mine to keep. None of you needed to know but I suppose it’s a moot point now”. Hotch’s elbows were on the table and he let his head fall into his hands. He stayed there a moment trying to get himself under control.

“Sir, is there….is there someplace I should start?” Garcia hated herself for even asking this question.

Hotch pulled his head out of his hands and looked at her with a wry smile on his face, “Garcia, I don’t want you to feel guilty over anything that you are going to have to do. I put myself in this position, not you. You do your job, the job I hired you to do,” Hotch grabbed her hand and forced her with his eyes to look at him, “I trust you completely”.

“Yes boss man,” She smiled a false smile of bravado, hoping it would eventually be a true smile.

“Oh and Penny?”

“Yes?”

“I know how easy it would be for you to cover-up or say hide things, don’t. Don’t risk yourself or your job. And here,” He handed her a note that he’d written.

She frowned when she took the piece of paper, “What’s this?”

He looked at her with dark, sad eyes and said in his customary office voice, “The beginning”.


	4. Six Months Earlier - Continued

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron and Spencer have a heart to heart and what they discuss could change them forever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a little bit shorter of a chapter, but I wanted to get the rest of the conversation in. Promise longer chapters in the future.
> 
> _Sometimes it's the smallest decisions that can change your life forever_ \- Keri Russell

“Spencer, you have to know, I tried to come see you, at the re-hab center. But…”

Spencer frowned deeply, he had believed all this time that Aaron hadn’t wanted to see him, had rejected him so this was news to him, “But what Aaron?”

“I was not in the best shape. I was in the hospital for PTSD and was on the verge of a major depressive episode. Morgan was on record as you’re medical contact. He…he put me on a no-visit list”.

“What? Why?” Spencer bolted off the couch in anger, how could his best friend do something like that to him. He had believed that Aaron had stopped loving him that when Jack and Haley died his heart died too.

Hotch took a deep breath before continuing, “I was not doing that good Spencer. I was a wreck and still coming to terms over Jack’s death. Losing you just made it worse. Morgan didn’t want me to see you because it made my recovery difficult. The guilt…it was…is….crushing me”. He looked into Spencer’s face full of pain and confusion.

Spencer sat back down on the couch next to the man he still loved, “Aaron, what I did wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t anyone’s fault. I did it to myself. Is that why you didn’t contact me? Was it easier losing what we had than facing it together?”

“Spencer, our son was dead. Haley she…she tried to be brave, tried to protect Jack…I didn’t get there…I should have…I should…” Hotch couldn’t hold back anymore, couldn’t control that heavy pit of sorrow and guilt that had settled behind his heart. It broke open and he was openly sobbing, something he hadn’t done since the funerals and even then he had only silently cried. Spencer pulled Aaron to him and just held on.

After a few minutes Spencer spoke quietly in Hotch’s ear, “Aaron, you have to let this go, If you don’t it’s going to kill you, or get you killed. Knowing you, you’ve been taking too many chances in the field, am I right?”

Aaron sat up and looked off towards the windows, “How’d you…”

“Aaron, come on, we know each other too well,” He waited a heartbeat then said, “You know, statistically speaking 60% of couples who have lost a child break-up after the grieving period. Each person either takes on some kind of unfounded guilt or they are so focused on their individual loss they can’t see what it does to the other person. I hope…” Spencer wasn’t sure what he could hope for what he wanted, but he was going to say it anyway, “I hope we are the 40%”. He said quietly.

Aaron hadn’t had any hope left and he knew he was living on borrowed time, but this confession of Dr. Spencer Reid was more than enough to ignite just a glimmer, “Spencer, are you sure? There’s so much we have to work through and I’ve changed Spence”.

“So have I Aaron and yes I’m sure, at least I want to try. I’ve missed you, missed us. But, I’ve learned things about myself that I had pushed down. My anxiety and fears were a way to block out certain… desires”.

Aaron squinted his eyes at Spencer, “Reid, what are you talking about?” Spencer smiled a little, there was that famous Hotchner glare, and god he missed it. Just that look alone could make him hard.

“Aaron, come on, you have never guessed how much I loved it when you would get…rough, demanding and controlling?”

“What are you asking me to do Spencer?”

“Let me stay, and I’ll show you”. Aaron’s eyes were simmering with need. Of course he wanted Spencer to stay, but he was a little fearful of what it was that his young lover wanted of him.

“Of course I want you to stay, I don’t ever want you to leave again,” Aaron leaned over and kissed Spencer possessively, pouring all of his love and passion into that one long kiss.

Spencer smiled slyly grabbed Aaron’s hand and led him to the bedroom for his first lesson into the new Dr. Reid.

The alarm coming from Spencer’s phone woke them both. It was early and Spencer needed to get to the café to open by 6:00 am. He encouraged Aaron to go back to sleep. Then he quietly got up and got ready, finding that some of his clothes were still there was a blessing. He wouldn’t have to go to his apartment to change. He knew Aaron wouldn’t be up for another hour so he was quiet while getting dressed. Before he walked out the door, he placed a kiss on Aaron’s cheek and slipped the envelope under the alarm where Aaron would see it.

About a half hour after Spencer had left Aaron woke with a start and almost panicked when he couldn’t find Spencer there. When he turned to his nightstand and found the letter, he smiled. He knew Spencer’s penchant for writing letters and it warmed his heart.

Aaron,

_Last night was amazing, but you’re not there yet. I need more from you and I think I know of a way to get you there, if you’re willing to trust me. The next letter will explain further with instructions on the where and the when. If you are interested, when you come to the café just tell me, “Let’s Play” and I will know you are serious._

_I love you and need you Aaron, please don’t say no._

_All my love, Spencer._

Hotch read the letter over about three times, his thoughts swirling and out of control. He had no idea what his love was planning, but he wanted Spencer back and he was willing to do almost anything. So he got up and got ready for work. He dressed carefully in one of his customary fitted suits that he used as his shield, especially these days with everyone watching and waiting for him to breakdown. 

He had time to stop at the café and when he saw Spencer working the elaborate old-fashioned espresso machine the sight caught his breath. There was his Spencer standing there chatting with a customer, a beautiful smile on his face, wavy blonde hair hanging down to just past his ears, grey long sleeve shirt with a paisley suit vest. He had the sleeves rolled up and his beautiful long fingers were working the complicated mechanism. Hotch swallowed hard at the memories of what those long supple fingers could do. He slowly walked up to the counter, wanting with everything in his being to kiss this beautiful man right then and there, propriety be damned. He didn’t though and when he spoke he was surprised at the calmness of his own voice.

“Hi, missed you this morning”, Aaron smiled.

“Me too, let me guess, dark roast Colombian, black, extra hot, two creamers”.

“You remember…..”

“Do I even have to say it?”

Hotch smiled wickedly, “No, you reminded us enough times”. The easy laugh that spilled out of Spencer’s mouth went straight to Hotch’s core, warming him from the inside and making it hard to concentrate.

He started to pay for his coffee, “Aaron, really?”

“Spencer, I am paying for my coffee, no special treatment. Okay?”

“Fine, but we are talking about this later”.

“So, there will be a later?” Hotch asked a little unsure where everything was going with Spencer.

Spencer slowly smiled when he looked at Aaron, “Yes, there will be a later”. Aaron smiled a real smile, the kind that made his already handsome features light up. Spencer hadn’t seen that smile in years and it made him happy that he was the one that put it there.

As Spencer was handing Hotch his change the older man said, “Oh, and Spencer….Let’s Play”. Their eyes met across the counter and they knew this was going to change the both of them forever.


	5. Present Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jason surprises several members of the team while trying to stop Aaron from doing something stupid.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _The man who can keep a secret may be wise, but he is not half as wise as the man with no secrets to keep_ \- E. W. Howe.

Garcia sat in her office staring at all of her equipment. The computers, printers, proxy servers and all of the technology she normally loved, but not today. Today she hated it, she hated that she was going to have to use her skills and her precious equipment as the weapon that they were. The weapon that dug into the lives of the people they hunt. Today that weapon was being trained on one of their own and she hated it. Hated it with everything she had. She stared down at the note in her hand, it’s a case file, but she doesn’t get it, not yet. And, if she wanted to get it, wanted to understand she was going to have to fire-up her weapon and dig.

Just as she was about to start her door opened and Derek Morgan walked in to see her sitting and staring at the note, “Penelope?” he asked gently as he sat down next to her, “Are you okay mama?”

She turned to him with tears in her eyes and raw emotion played on her face, she’d never been one who could hide her emotions easily, and turned to her best friend and said with a bitter edge to her voice, “No Derek I am not okay, I am far from being okay, a man I love, a man I admire and respect is sitting in an interrogation room and I have to go and dig into his life and find all of his secrets and pull them out like he’s some kind of…of…” She stumbled on her words as the anger subsided and was replaced with fear.

“Unsub?” Derek asked her quietly.

“Yes, Morgan, like an unsub. God, you should have seen him Derek, he looked lost and so vulnerable, he never looks vulnerable, well except when….” She did not want to finish that statement.

“It’s okay Penelope, none of us know how to handle this. I know I’m not, I can’t even imagine what you’re going through pretty mama,” He tried to smile at her but it didn’t reach his eyes. He too was angry and felt too betrayed.

“I know I’m not supposed to go to the interrogation room, but I just had to see him. He gave me this. He told me to do my job and to not, you know, bury anything….” She looked up at Derek, hopeful that he would countermand what Hotch said.

“Penelope…” Derek said with a knowing tone to his voice, “He’s right. We do this by the book sweetheart. We do it professionally because if there are any missteps anywhere, they will take this case from us then Hotch will be really screwed. We keep this in-house, that means no funny stuff, you understand?”

She huffed out a sigh, she knew he was right, “I know you’re right Derek, but it’s just soooo tempting, but you’re right,” She looked down at the piece of paper, then back up at her best friend and said, “So I guess we start at the beginning”.  
_______________________________________________  
Emily hadn’t been there, she had been over at the ME’s office talking to the assigned medical examiner going over what very little evidence they had. She couldn’t, wouldn’t believe it. She stormed into the FBI building looking for someone to give her some answers when she ran into Jason Gideon.

She stopped dead in her tracks and their eyes met, hers, dark stormy and angry, his guilty and regretful, “Emily”, was all he said.

“What in the hell are you doing here?” Anger was pouring off of her in waves.

“I’m here for Hotch”. He glared daggers at her daring her to say anything else.

“Oh right, here for Hotch. Hmmm, I seem to remember he needed you 2 years ago and you weren’t here for him. I thought you were his friend Gideon, you walk out, don’t tell anyone but Reid, don’t show up to support your friend and now NOW you’re here?” Emily didn’t even really know where all this anger was coming from. She didn’t know if it was seeing Gideon, or if it was the fact that Hotch was sitting in an interrogation room full of lies and secrets, of course who was she to talk about keeping secrets.

“Emily, I’ve made some mistakes that I can’t ever make-up for, but I am here to help”.

“Fine, but stay away from me”. She stormed off and made her way to Morgan’s office. She hoped he was there because she really needed answers.  
Luckily for her, he was. She banged inside with barely controlled rage on her face, “Whoa there princess, you need to calm down”.

“Really? I need to calm down? How the hell are you so goddamned calm? There is nothing about this that is right”.

“Emily, I’ve had a little time to process, sort of, actually to be honest I have no idea what to think, what to feel. There are ten shades of wrong with this scenario, but woman you need to control that temper of yours”.

She took a deep ragged breath and slowly let it out, “What is going on Morgan? Did you call Gideon?”

“Wait, what? What are you talking about?” Now Morgan was getting angry.

“Gideon, you know former lead profiler Jason Gideon, the man who walked away and didn’t say anything to anyone except Reid? I ran into him coming off of the elevator”.

“I did not call him…”

Realization dawned and they both said at the same time, “Rossi”.

Just then Gideon walked in and both agents turned their stunned faces to him.

“Morgan, nice office, about time you deserve it, now which room do you have Hotch in?” Morgan just looked at his former Unit Chief and glared.

“Really Gideon? You bounce in here expecting us to….”

“Morgan, you can kick my ass later but right now I need to see Hotch, which room, now please?”

Morgan’s face darkened, “Room 5”.

“Remember Gordinski?”

“How dare…”

Gideon cut off whatever Mogan was about to say “Hotch was there for you when you were keeping secrets and you know exactly what he’s going through. Even when you pushed us away he still was there for you are you going to do less for him?” Gideon looked at Morgan with an inscrutable look. He knew Gideon was right. It didn’t matter what things looked like he needed to put aside his own ego to help get to the truth.

“You’re right Jason, he was there for me when I was in trouble. I’ll do whatever it takes to help him”. The truth of those words slammed into him like a brick wall. It really didn’t matter what it looked like, this was his family and he would get to the truth and help Hotch, no matter what.

“But how can we trust you? You walked out on us, left us in the lurch and Hotch’s career on the line”.

Gideon closed his eyes and sighed deeply, “I know I have a lot to make-up for, but let me help”.

“Fine, but you have a lot to answer for Jason”. The two men stared hard at each other for a few seconds.

“I know”. Was all Jason said as he walked away to go figure out what in the hell was happening.  
________________________________________  
Gideon knew his way around these offices like he knew the back of his hand. He didn’t need directions, he didn’t need to be told where to go and it felt like he had never left. That shocked him, the realization that no matter how long he had been away, nothing had changed.

He found the observation room attached to Interrogation room 5 and saw Dave standing there watching Hotch through the two-way mirror. He had left just after Garcia and still he was having trouble with his thoughts.

“You’re thinking too loud,” Gideon said as he leaned against the doorjamb chewing on a toothpick.

A warm smile crossed Dave’s face as he saw his old friend standing there in door way, “Gid, well I guess we never thought this would ever happen”.

David Rossi was the only person on the planet who could call Gideon, Gid and get away with it, “Dave, just what exactly is going on here anyway? Has Hotch been arrested or is this a fishing expedition?”

“Jason, you should know better. We caught him in a hotel room with a prostitute…”

“Dave, I didn’t drive for over two hours to get here because Aaron was with a prostitute…”

“This isn’t the first one…”

“Okay, but that’s not all so tell me what is going on”

“No Jason, that is not all, he had some S&M equipment with him, the girl was tied to the bed and she definitely looked like he was involved in some kind of play”.

Jason Gideon, profiler for over 30 years finally found something that shocked him. He raised his brows in surprise when he asked his next question, “Aaron, we’re talking about straight-laced stick up his ass Aaron Hotchner”.

“Well, it seems that there still are some things in this world that will surprise you Gid”. Dave couldn’t help the smile that crept over his lips. Even though this was a horrible situation seeing Gideon taken off-guard was a rare occurrence.

“Also, it looks like the previous prostitutes he’d possibly been with have all turned up dead. We don’t have the details or a time line yet, but there is just too much coincidence”.

Gideon stood there for a minute absorbing what Dave was saying “Have you been in there yet?”

“Just a short chat with Garcia, its interesting…” Dave looked lost in thought, drumming his fingers on his thigh.

“What?”

Dave didn’t say anything for a long minute and just when Gideon thought he would have to prompt him he said, “He gave Garcia a note and said for her to start ‘at the beginning’, I have no idea…”

Gideon was out the door before Dave could say anything, but was back a second later, “Dave, don’t go in there till I get back”.

“Gid,” Dave yelled, “Gid…Jason what is going on?” But Gideon was already out of earshot by then.

Gideon raced down the hall and burst into Garcia’s office, “Garcia, what file does Hotch want you to look-up?”

Garcia stopped what she was doing and was paralyzed for a moment. She slowly turned around and looked right in the eyes of former, now current SSA Jason Gideon. “Sir??”

“The file Garcia, what is the file?” He looked at her and realized her confusion, “Don’t have a lot of time here, Dave called, emergency reinstatement, now, what file?” He showed her his badge and credentials.

Still in shock, she slowly picked-up the piece of paper and handed it to Gideon without taking her eyes off him and was utterly speechless at the same time. He looked at the file number, then at Garcia, “Wait and don’t do anything yet”. Is all he said before he ran out of the tech room and went back to the interrogation room.

He burst in to see a very surprised Hotch “Aaron, are you trying to get yourself thrown in jail? You know what will happen if Garcia opens that file”.

“Jason, what the fuck are you doing here? But the better questions is where the hell have you been?”

Gideon closed his eyes, calmed himself and sat down, “Dave called me. Aaron, what have you gotten yourself into here? And, why would you want that file opened?”

“Because Gideon, they need to finally understand and I need to stop all of the lies and secrets”.

Gideon moved to the back of the room and leaned back against the wall, crossed his legs, “Why Aaron, why do they need to know?”

Hotch stood up violently and knocked over the chair, he started to walk slowly back and forth, “Because it’s where I began, you know that and you know why. Besides, I had the file expunged”.

“You never told me that”.

“Do you think I would have gotten into law school, SWAT or even the FBI if that file wasn’t? There were extenuating circumstances and the Judge I was assigned heard me out. He agreed with me after looking at the other files, the hospital records and the CPS reports. I did what I did to survive, to protect my family and you know that”.

“But why now? Why bring this up now?”

“Because it will be found out anyway, do you really think Garcia wouldn’t be able to find it and open it? She has to dig up anything and everything about my life. All the secrets I’ve kept will be exposed” Aaron looked hard at Gideon, trying to make the man understand.

“Aaron, what is in the file?” Dave walked in at that moment.

“Take me to Garcia and I’ll show you myself”

“You know I can’t do that Aaron”. 

“Fine, then call her have her pull it, then you can ask me everything about it”. Hotch sat back down and huffed out his frustrations. “This also means I will have to come clean about my relationship with Spencer”.

“Yes it does Aaron”.

“For that Spencer and I should do it together, but not in here. You can’t hold me, you have no evidence that I did anything other than possibly sleep with a few prostitutes and even then all you have is me untying a pretty brunette from a bed”. He looked pointedly at both of his mentors and friends.

“Dammit Aaron, this isn’t a game,”

“DON’T YOU THINK I KNOW THAT,” He yelled, which was so out of character for the always cool and level headed SSA Aaron Hotchner. He took a deep breath to calm himself down, “Jason, Dave, I know perfectly well what this looks like”. He quietly said.

“Where is Spencer anyway? Why isn’t he here?” Jason asked.

“Well, _Jason_ ,” Hotch let his anger at the older man show through what little of his customary inscrutable mask was left, “You would know if you had stuck around. Didn’t you tell him Dave?”

“No Aaron, contrary to popular belief I do not talk to every former agent the BAU has churned out. Gideon contacted me about a year ago and just left a message with a number to use if anything ever went wrong and he was needed. The message was pretty clear”.

“And what do you think I was trying to say Dave?” Jason said with a little bit of amusement in his voice.

“ ‘Don’t contact me unless you absolutely need to’ “ Dave did an amusing imitation of Gideon while looking the man in the face.

Jason smiled, cocked his head and looked down towards the floor, “You did that better when we were younger you know”.

“Hey, this isn’t reminisce about the early days over coffee and donuts..” Hotch looked hard at the two men while trying to keep his head about him.

“I’m sorry Hotch. You have every right to be angry with me and we can talk about it later, but right now we need to know what’s going on”.

“Like I told you, Spencer and I should tell everyone together. But…”

“But what?”

“You are not going to like it, not one bit”. Hotch gave both men his trademark death glare.


	6. 5 1/2 Month Ago

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron learns what it is that Spencer wants him to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here is my promised Christmas Present, a second chapter.
> 
> _We fear violence less than our own feelings. Personal, private, solitary pain is more terrifying than what anyone else can inflict._ \- Jim Morrison

The first letter was left for him in his briefcase. When he pulled out the plain white envelope with Spencer’s beautiful cursive he felt a sense of anticipation, “To Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner,” Aaron smiled at the use of his full title and name. He pulled out the simple letter and a key card fell out of it. He palmed the card and put it away in the pocket of his suit jacket.

_Aaron,  
If you are really serious about this be at The Hampton Inn, room 225 at our usual time. Everything will be revealed. And, Aaron, don’t be late. If you get a case, call me._

Aaron swallowed hard. He wasn’t sure what it was that Spencer had in mind and he was nervous about this whole endeavor, but he loved Spencer and was willing to play along for now.

Luckily it was a light day at the office and he was able to catch-up on paperwork. Performance reviews were coming up and Hotch wanted to get a jump on them. He looked down at his watch and saw it was almost time to go. He was going to leave on time for once.

As he was gathering his things Dave stopped by, “So, how are things going?”

“What do you mean?” Hotch had his office mask in place.

“With Spencer, what did you think I meant?”

Aaron sat back down and had a small smile, “Good, actually really good. We’re talking. He doesn’t want me to tell the team he’s back yet”.

“Why not? They’re his friends”.

Aaron sighed, “I know, but we want to tell the team together”. He looked at Dave and realization dawned on the older man’s face.

“So, you finally want to tell the team I take it”.

“It’s time and seriously, consequences be damned if it gets out. I don’t care at this point, I love him and I can’t believe I have this second chance”.

“Aaron, you know they won’t judge you and you know they will all be discreet”.

“I know Dave, but I don’t know if I’m ready for the questions that will follow. And you know they will quickly figure everything out”.

“Aaron, you’ve carried this around by yourself for too long. Spencer is not in the Bureau anymore and frankly I don’t think Erin will care. You know she’s trying and she’ll be discreet”.

Aaron sat back and regarded his friend for a moment, “Look, we’re still working things out. We want to make sure before we say anything”.

Dave smiled, “I understand. But Aaron if you’re waiting because you are afraid that they’ll reject you, just remember how much they love and respect you. Okay?”

“Thanks Dave. Goodnight”.

“Go home, Aaron”. Dave smiled a knowing smile as he walked away whistling an old Sinatra love song. Aaron just shook his head and smiled.  
____________________________________________________  
He made it home by six o’clock and he decided to shower and change into a more comfortable outfit. Beige khaki’s a dark brown polo and comfortable loafers. He grabbed his keys, wallet and the keycard, left a note for Spencer and was out the door in less than 45 minutes. He made it to the hotel with a few minutes to spare.

When he walked in he didn’t know what to expect. But the tall pretty dark brunette dressed in a smart dark business suit was not it.

She got up from the chair and moved towards Hotch, “You must be Aaron Hotchner. My name is Dr. Amanda Clemmens”.

Hotch looked at her with furrowed brow, “Dr. Clemmens. Spencer didn’t really explain what I am doing here”. He graced her with one of his famous glares.

“Mr. Hotchner, Spencer was my patient for a while when he left rehab 18 months ago. He was having trouble reconciling the loss of his relationship with you. Now, I can’t go into detail of what we talked about, but I am sure that you know by now, he still loves you, very deeply”.

“So, you know what happened?”

“Yes, he told me about the attack and the loss of your son and your friend. Please, Mr. Hotchner, why don’t we sit down and I’ll explain what it is that Spencer is seeking”.  
Hotch took a chair at the small table sitting across from the doctor.

“I should also explain that I am a sex therapist. Spencer came to me confused about some things that came up during his therapy at the rehab center. He told me that you can be very demanding and controlling”.

Hotch levelled a stare at her, “And just what did Spencer tell you about that?” He was getting a little angry that Spencer talked to this woman about their sex life.

Dr. Clemmens smiled, “Mr. Hotchner, he didn’t go into details, but he did talk generalities. Look, the two of you are trying to get over the loss of a child. I know it’s been two years, but you haven’t dealt with it with each other. Spencer believes that he needs to feel pain, physically, to help release his repressed emotions”.

“So, he wants me to give into his fantasies? I’m confused, I’m not…Yes, I admit I am a control freak. It’s in my nature and the nature of the job that I do and it may have spilled into my personal life as well, but I could never intentionally hurt someone I love. I wanted to try with him, but I couldn’t even help myself at the time”. Hotch hadn’t meant to reveal so much of himself and he was cursing inwardly.

“I’m going to assume that you are not the type to talk so freely about yourself. You hold yourself very close to the chest, you feel the need to take charge, and when something affects you, you put up a stoic demeanor. Am I right?”

Hotch narrowed his eyes, “You take profiling classes?”

She chuckled, “Spencer said you had a dry sense of humor. No, but I am a psychologist who has dual specialization in sex therapy and personality disorders. I can easily spot an A type personality from a mile away, and you Mr. Hotchner….”

“Call me Aaron, please”.

“Aaron, you are a classic A type personality and I’m going to guess a work-a-holic?”

“You wouldn’t be wrong. But, I still don’t see what this has to do with anything and what it is I am supposed to be doing here”.

“I’m here to teach you the delicate balance between being a Dom light and a full out Dominant. What Spencer needs is release, physical and emotional release. Believe it or not Aaron, he has some deep emotions that he has been repressing. Pain play is all about release, and in my professional opinion I do not believe that Spencer is a true sub. I think he believes he is because of his past history, especially having been bullied for much of his young life. I believe that you can help him come to terms with his emotions and with his desire to be submissive to you”.

Hotch was completely caught off guard, “I don’t know what to say”.

“Aaron, I also believe, after talking with you for these last few minutes, that you are not a true dominant either. I believe that you are also suppressing a lot of emotion as well”.

Hotch didn’t say anything. He didn’t know what to say, he’d never had someone look so closely at his relationship with Spencer Reid with such honesty and clarity. 

“What do you want me to do?” Hotch was willing to try whatever it was this doctor was leading him to.

The doctor walked to the connected room and called for a young man to come in. He looked to be in his early 20’s and he was dressed only in a pair of black leather briefs.  
“Doctor, I don’t….I mean….” Aaron was flustered and still confused.

“Aaron, I know what you’re going to say, and no you are not going to have sex. That isn’t what this will be about. This is Michael and he is a grad student in Psychology. He also has an interest in being a sex therapist. Right now he is working for me as a surrogate. His specialty is helping couples to come to terms with their Dom/sub relationships”.

“But you said that you don’t believe that Spencer and I have that type of relationship”.

“I don’t and that is where you will guide Spencer. I am going to guide you through light pain play. Also I am going to teach you about trust. A Dom gives up a certain amount of control. The sub chooses a safe word, a word that they use when they want to stop and it is the Dom’s job to listen to them and honor that safe word. It’s a complicated delicate role play we are talking about here”.

“Doctor, can I ask why does Spencer….I mean our sex life was always good, or so I thought”. Aaron couldn’t believe that he was talking about this with a stranger and he was getting more uncomfortable as the evening went on.

“That is where you have to separate what this is about Aaron. It’s not about sex. It’s about emotional release. Spencer has buried a lot of pain inside him. He told me some of the things that he has gone through, he told me about Hankel and what was done to him. Even though he recovered, he’s never truly come to terms with the trauma. Then more traumas piled on top and he pushed everything down. Losing your son was just too much and when you separated it caused even more devastation. The human psyche, as you well know from your job experience, can only take so much. Spencer has slowly been re-building himself from the ground up, but he hasn’t come to terms with all of the past traumas. Now I haven’t spent a lot of time with you Aaron, but from you’re demeanor, the way you stand, the way you talk and what Spencer has told me of your relationship, you keep a lot of emotions bottled up as well. If I am right, this will help you both. Help you to heal and help you to move on”.

“Okay, so what are you proposing?”

“Sessions with you every other week in my office, then periodic training that will be determined by Spencer. He knows you best and he will be able to gauge when you need it. Today, if you agree, will be the first training”.

Aaron looked at the doctor, then over at the young man and thought about Spencer as well as himself. The doctor was right, he kept too much inside and it’s why, on a personal level, no one except Dave would approach him lately. He knew he needed to change so he made a bold decision.

“Okay. I’m willing to give this a try”.

“Well then, let’s get started”.  
___________________________________________________________________________  
An hour later Aaron was leaving the hotel feeling a little lighter, he was still a little skeptical, but he was willing to give this a try for now. As he got to his SUV he didn’t see the dark shape move into the hotel just as he was leaving.

The person made their way to the hotel room that Aaron had just left and saw the young man who was getting dressed. He was alone. The dark individual came up quietly behind the young man and hit him hard on the back of the head. Michael went down and didn’t get up again. 

A few days later he was found dead, splayed out in a city park for everyone one to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea for this part of the story came from a conversation I had with a friend who works as a Dom in Los Angeles. She also is a Psychologist with dual specialization in Sex Therapy and Abnormal Personality Disorders. Most of this chapter came from that conversation. Hope you enjoy.


	7. Present Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hotch makes some startling confessions and he and Spencer reveal just how long they had been together.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made into a victim. Accept no one's definition of you life; define yourself_ \- Harvey Fierstein

“What won’t we like Aaron?”

“Dave, I really think I should explain things to everyone. I’m sure you’re still waiting for warrants to search my apartment and my office? You won’t get them before tonight.”

Jason sat down next to Dave, “You know those are in the works and we can’t do anything more tonight. Is the team all here?”

“Jason..”

“Dave, do you really think that we will be able to interrogate Hotch like a normal unsub? He knows us, sometimes better than we know ourselves. He’s also a lawyer and can double talk as good, if not better than us. Plus he is a trained interrogator and knows all of our tricks. Hell, he helped write the training manuals, If he wants to talk, let’s let him do it in his own way”.

“Ummm, I’m right here. You know that also won’t work on me, right?”. He looked at the two older men with raised brows and a full glare.

“Alright, alright I concede I will see if everyone is here and get them in the conference room. What do you need Aaron?”

“A phone, I need to call Spencer.”

Jason walked out of the room and came back a couple of minutes later with a phone in his hands. He plugged it in and set it on the desk for Hotch. Dave had moved off to go gather the rest of the team in the conference room.

Hotch dialed his home number, “Hotchner residence,” For some reason hearing that put a tiny smile on Hotch’s face. He knew he was in deep trouble, but it was little things like Spencer’s voice that was keeping him going.

“Spencer, I’ve been taken into custody”.

“WHAT???? What’s going on Aaron? Where have you been” Spencer asked, questions spilling from his lips faster than even he could control.

“They caught me in the hotel with the last…gift”. Hotch blushed as he turned away from Jason.

“What are you talking about Aaron? I didn’t plan anything, we agreed to stop this, that it wasn’t…”

“I got your letter earlier today, I just assumed…”

“No, Aaron, that was not me. What the hell is going on here?”

“Then I think I’ve been set-up. You need to come to the FBI offices, we need to tell them everything, and I mean everything”.

“You mean everything, everything?”

“Yes Spence, everything, it’s time, in fact it’s past time”.

Spencer closed his eyes and gripped the phone tighter, a little of his old anxieties were leaking through, “If you’re sure Aaron,” He heard Hotch say that yes he was sure. “Okay, I’ll be there in 20 minutes”.

“Oh, and Spencer?”

“Yeah?”

“You should bring the DVD’s. I think it will be better if I hand them over freely”.

“If, If you think that is wise”.

“Spencer, you were part of this team, what do you think?”

“Okay, I’ll be there”.

Hotch hung up the phone and looked at Jason, “He’ll be here in 20 minutes”.

“Hotch, what did you mean when you told Reid you think you’ve been set-up? What is going on?”

“Jason, I will tell you everything, even what’s been going on, but I want to tell everyone at the same time. I don’t know why, but I think someone might be stalking me”.

“You mean the death of these prostitutes?”

Hotch sighed, “Jason, they aren’t prostitutes. Please, it’s a lot to explain and if Spencer and I tell you all at the same time then you might understand”.

“Hotch are you sure you’re ready to do this? It will be a lot for them to take in”.

“They should have known years ago, but I was…”

“Too proper and too private?” Jason had a wry smile on his face.

“Jason, do you need to cuff me?”

“No, I trust you Aaron, whatever is going on I trust you and we’ll figure this out, together”.  
__________________________________________  
Twenty minutes later Jason led Hotch to the conference room next to his office. Hotch walked in first and was greeted by looks of fear, pain and anger on the faces of his friends and colleagues. Then Jason walked in. Those who hadn’t already known he was there looked up in disbelief. Then when Spencer walked in and sat next to Aaron no one knew what to say or think anymore.

“Anyone else invited to this party?” Alex asked hoping to cut through the tension. It didn’t work.

Aaron looked around and made a bold move, especially one for the ever stoic Aaron Hotchner. He grabbed Spencer’s hand in his own under the table lacing their fingers together, pulled their hands up and kissed the back of Spencer’s hand. He then laid them on the table. 

“I’m sure you have a million questions and by your faces you all want to ask them all at the same time. Please wait. All your questions will be answered in time. But first you need to understand. Garcia?”

“Umm, yes sir?”

“Did you find the files I asked you about?”

“Yes, yes sir. Are you sure boss man? I kinda glanced….” Garcia stopped talking when Hotch turned his gaze on her.

“Yes, Garcia, bring it up on the screen, please”. It was a juvenile record with a picture of a young Aaron Hotchner.

“Technically this record doesn’t exist. It was expunged when I turned 18. I petitioned the court and received a full pardon. When I tell you why, I hope you all will understand why I didn’t tell you”. He stopped for a moment took a deep breath and powered on, “When I was 12 I killed my father”.

The room exploded with a barrage of questions, Hotch used his best Unit Chief voice, “Calm down, and let me finish. My father, my real father was a mean drunk and a bastard. In our social circle he was the proper southern gentlemen and a pillar of the community. But behind closed doors this is what he did,” Hotch motioned to Garcia to bring up the hospital photos. There stood a twelve year old boy with severe bruising, a black eye and an arm in a sling. “He was trying to beat the gay out of me and it seemed like I was a disappointment to him in every way”. He sat back for a moment to catch his breath.

“This had gone on for years prior to Sean being born; my mother chose to ignore what was happening. Appearances were everything to her. One night Sean was crying non-stop, he was only 2 years old. He had a fever and my father kept telling me to shut him up or he would”. Hotch stared at his friends and colleagues for a minute to get his emotions under control. “I grabbed Sean, went into my room and locked the door. I had my aluminum baseball bat with me. My father was in a drunken rage and when he came through the door I swung as hard as I could. He went down, and I didn’t waste any time. I gathered Sean in my arms and ran, I didn’t even look back. I made it to a friend’s house where I called the police. My mother was out with one of her proper southern ladies groups”. Hotch couldn’t quite keep the derision out of his voice. “When they got to my house, my father was dead from the blunt force trauma. I was taken in and initially charged with involuntary manslaughter. But, as the detective working the case delved deeper and found my medical history the prosecution dropped the charges. The arrest record, however, stayed till I turned 18”.

Spencer squeezed Hotch’s hand, he had already heard the story years before, but it still made him angry. Hotch looked in the eyes of his lover and found the strength to continue.

“My mother, on the other hand, was outraged. She was of a mind that I brought shame onto the family name. But at least she just ignored me for the most part after that. However she got remarried to a really good man, a lawyer. He was a man that I grew to admire and wanted to be like. When he found out about my father he took me in his arms and said that no man should ever do that to their children. That was the man that Sean knew as his father, unfortunately he died of cancer when I was fifteen, then I was sent away to boarding school. Sean doesn’t know any of this and he will never know”. Hotch looked around the room and was trying to keep that famous Hotch mask in place.

“Hotch, man I didn’t know, but what does that have to do with now?” Morgan asked, but a new kind of respect shone in his eyes. 

“Because if you were to pull that up along with everything else, what would you think Morgan? If you didn’t know me personally and you only had that record and you put it together with what’s going on now, what would your profile be?”

Morgan let out a heavy sigh, “Abusive background, abandonment issues, possible conflicted sexual orientation, impotent maybe and could only get off on the beatings and strangulation. Excessively neat, a control freak,” realization dawned in his eyes, “Oh my god. I see your point”.

“Hotch, when…” JJ was starting to piece a few things together. Especially seeing Spencer’s and Aaron’s hands intertwined. 

“When what JJ?”

She smiled and with her head gestured towards the linked hands, “Did that happen?”

Hotch sighed, looked at Spencer and said, “After the Blue Ridge Strangler case, the first time”. He looked back at the rest of the room to gauge their reaction. Everyone was speechless.

“You’re serious,” Morgan was the first to break the silence.

Spencer was looking down and smiled, “Yes Morgan, he’s serious. Is it so unbelievable? Of course we did go to incredible lengths to keep our relationship quiet, which was often pretty difficult. You almost caught us a couple of times over the years”.

“But Hotch, man you were married”.

“Yes, Haley and I were best friends. We met in a drama class in high school and I was a terrible pirate in my schools version of Pirates of Penzance,” He laughed remembering his one and only stage performance. “We went out that night and she knew. She figured it out pretty quickly when she tried to kiss me”. Hotch faltered for a moment remembering his best friend and all she had done for Spencer and him.

“She was your shield wasn’t she Aaron?” Alex looked at him with sympathy. She didn’t know what was going on, but she already figured out that this man was not a killer. 

“She protected me Alex. When I got into law school there was still a lot of rampant homophobia. We stayed close and it gave me the illusion of being heterosexual. After law school and passing the bar when I got to the prosecutor’s office she offered to marry me. I told her no at first, but she convinced me. It was also easier when I got into SWAT, then eventually the BAU”.

“So you used her”. Morgan said matter-of-factly.

“No Morgan I didn’t. We were protecting each other. Her home life wasn’t the best either. She and Jessica had problems with their parents and Haley wanted to get away. I helped her get away from her parents; she helped me stay under the radar. When I met Spencer….” 

“You fell in love,” Garcia, who had been quiet the whole time, filing away everything that was being said.

“Yes, Penny, we fell in love. Gideon figured it out pretty quickly, but didn’t tell anyone. Although the fraternization rules were a little more lax back then,” Hotch glared at Dave.

“What??” Dave said in protest.

Everyone let out a little chuckle, because they knew the reputation that David Rossi had around the BAU offices. “Being gay and Spencer’s assigned TO it would have ended both of our careers. So, for show Spencer kept his apartment but most of the time we were together. Haley had her own rooms in the house but would often use the apartment”.

“Hotch, I remember when you were served papers for the divorce. What happened?” Morgan was trying to piece everything together and a lot of Hotch and Reid interactions through the years started to make sense.

Hotch smiled, “Haley found someone. She wanted a divorce so she could marry the person she fell in love with”.

“Yeah, but man I saw your face when you got them. Was there somethin’ else going on?”

JJ looked at Hotch and instantly knew, “It was about Jack, wasn’t it?”

"Yes Jayje, she was helping us with Jack, especially when we were out on a case. She felt like she should have partial custody. We were fighting about it and it put a strain on our friendship".

Everyone was silent, they saw the dark emotions that crossed over Hotch’s face, and they saw Spencer start to fidget. He was frowning and swallowing hard trying to keep his emotions in check. “I can’t. I can’t do this Aaron. I…” He got up and ran out of the room. 

JJ moved to get up to go find Spencer, but Hotch put a hand on her shoulder and said, “No Jayje, let me”.

Hotch walked out of the conference room and found Spencer pacing back and forth in front of his old desk. He heard Hotch come up next to him and laid a hand on his shoulder, “Spencer…”

Spencer spun around and grabbed Aaron in a tight embrace and cried. Hotch put his arms around his lover and pulled him in tight, and laid his head on Spencer’s shoulder, trying not to cry himself.

JJ had walked to the conference room entrance and looked down on the scene in front of her. What she saw made her heart break. She looked over to Gideon and realization dawned on her, “Oh my God, Jason, was Haley…was she a surrogate for them?”

Jason gave the pretty blond a smile and slowly shook his head yes. “Jack was as much Spencer’s son as he was Aaron’s”.


	8. 4 Months Ago

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron puts his lessons to good use. Reid and Aaron finally go out on a much needed date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _There is nothing safe about sex. There never will be_ \- Norman Mailer

Six weeks after his initial meeting with Dr. Clemmens Aaron was beginning to like the game. He didn’t realize what a dark streak he had in him, but he was beginning to like it. The sessions with the Doctor were pretty tame, mostly just talking out what it was that Aaron was feeling and experiencing and if he was putting any of it into practice with Spencer. He told her that he hadn’t as of yet, he wasn’t sure how to approach Spencer about it. The Doctor reminded him that he is the Dom in the relationship, that it is his job to take the control and Spencer would follow. 

But, the sessions with the surrogates were beyond anything Aaron had ever experienced. He hated to admit it, but it was there. He was learning what it was he liked and what he didn’t. The riding crops and silicone whips were erotic, certainly, but he was finding that he preferred his hands. And after each session, when he got home the sex with Spencer was mind blowing. But he was still hesitant to put anything into practice with his lover. Aaron loved him and didn’t want to hurt him, physically or emotionally. Aaron also began to wonder if part of it came from his own childhood. If this was a catharsis from the abuse he suffered but never talked about. He put that thought aside to explore with Dr. Clemmens at a later time. The session with Brian three days ago was still fresh in his mind and he was smiling at all the things he had done and wanted to eventually try with Spencer. 

Tonight, though, tonight he was feeling feral and thinking about what he wanted to do was getting him very, very hard. Their last case had been tough and he had been gone for almost 12 days. Spencer and he had actually tried phone sex a couple of times, but they both realized it was just not for them, so they stuck with just talking. When Spencer was still with the unit it was easier, they were together all the time and they learned to be very creative. But now it was hard being apart. He wondered if he could talk Spencer into coming back, maybe on a consulting basis, it was something he might bring up later. Strauss was pleased with his budget lately and their closure rate was higher, plus he was keeping his team on the more straight and narrow. So he was given a consultant budget that he hadn’t touched yet because he hadn’t found anyone he liked for the role. Spencer would be the perfect fit; however he also put these thoughts aside for later.

He wanted to just concentrate on tonight. He had even made it home early for a change and was sitting on the couch, sipping on a glass of wine while he waited. He had changed into some loose fitting pajama pants and a black form fitted v-neck t-shirt, no shoes. Soft jazz was playing and the lights were dimmed. After a while he stretched out on the couch and had a smile on his face. This was the most relaxed he’d been in a very long time. When he heard the door open, eyes still closed, he smiled even wider. _There he is_ Aaron thought to himself. Spencer came in the door and noticed the dimmed lights and the soft music playing. He looked over to the couch and was quite surprised at the relaxed look on his lover’s face.

Spencer walked over, took off his messenger bag and jacket, throwing them on the floor next to the couch. “Hmmm, you’re home early,” Spencer almost purred the words, which went straight to Aaron’s groin.

“Mmmm, yes I am. Come here,” he said forcefully, still keeping his eyes shut.

Spencer quirked up his brow and looked down at his lover, there was definitely something different about Aaron tonight, but he was willing to play along. He lay on top of Aaron, who snaked one arm around Spencer’s waist as his hand wandered down to massage the tight ass. Aaron’s other hand was fisted in Spencer’s hair, pulling not so gently but getting groans of approval from his lover.

“You like that Spencer?” Aaron had a dark edge to his voice, “Because tonight, I will take you”. Spencer’s eyes got wide with a mixture of fear and anticipation. He’d been waiting for this, hoping that he had been right in leading Aaron down this path. 

Before he could register what was happening, Aaron was kissing him, hard. It was a hard grinding kiss where teeth clicked together as Aaron scraped his mouth against Spencer’s. His tongue forced its way in and he took some more. Teeth bit down hard and it made Spencer grind his pelvis against Aaron’s. A pleading whine escaped the young man’s lips. The hand in his hair kept pulling, rough and hard and if Aaron didn’t slow up Spencer thought he was going to lose it right then and there. Finally Aaron broke the brutal, bruising kiss and it left Spencer panting for more.

“Go change”, Spencer sucked in his breath like he was going to say something, “No talking”. Aaron commanded. Spencer got up and fled into the bedroom he didn’t want to keep Aaron waiting. 

Aaron stalked almost catlike into the bedroom and on the way lazily picked-up his handcuffs he had set on a side table in the living room. Spencer was naked and facing the closet when Aaron silently walked up to him and pushed him face first into the wall and his arm was forcibly raised. Aaron’s body was hard pressed against his, and Spencer could feel his lover’s obvious arousal. He felt his other arm being forced above his head and both his wrists were being held tightly in Aaron’s hand. Spencer was short of breath and panting with need. 

Aaron’s face was buried in Spencer’s hair, he sniffed it long and loud, “God, you smell so good,” he lightly nibbled at the younger man’s neck sending waves of electricity down his back. Spencer tried to move but couldn’t he was held so tightly, almost as if he was caged in and it was short-circuiting his brain. Aaron this whole time was slowly grinding his hips against Spencer’s ass which was pushing his pelvis into the wall. The sensation was making him pant with need.

“Aa…”

Aaron pulled his head back and said in Spencer’s ear, “I said, no talking. Next time you talk, I will have to punish you. Nod yes if you understand”. Spencer nodded yes the best he could and couldn’t believe just how hard he was getting. Aaron let go of his hair, but became a little scared when he didn’t feel Aaron’s hand anywhere. Suddenly the pressure on his wrist was let up for a second, but as he was about to put his arm down he felt the cold, hard steel of handcuffs click around his wrist. He closed his eyes and gulped, _God I wish I could tell Aaron what this was doing to me_ , thought Spencer. Then, his other wrist was captured in the metal bracelets. Aaron turned him around, but still kept him against the wall and this time he was grinding hard and slow against Spencer’s own arousal.

Aaron, looked at the lust blown eyes of his lover and smiled a slow, dark smile formed on his lips. “Do you like that Spencer? Do you like the feel of the hard…” Aaron kissed Spencer, running his tongue along the soft pink lips, “Cold…” Aaron bit down and pulled on those very lips, “metal…” Spencer squeaked, and slowly nodded, breath ragged with need and anticipation. 

Aaron spun them around, changing positions, he let Spencer’s arms fall in front, “Down, on your knees” and to emphasize the order Aaron placed a hand on Spencer’s shoulder and pushed. Aaron pushed his pants off freeing his throbbing erection, “Now, suck, no hands”. Spencer swallowed hard and took Aaron’s whole length into his mouth. Aaron felt himself sliding down his lover’s throat and thought he was going to come right there and then. Only through sheer will was he able to hold back. His hands fisted in the young man’s hair, holding his head as he thrust in and out of Spencer’s mouth. Spencer was practically mewling with need by now as the dual sensations of his lover’s cock in his mouth and the hands pulling hard on his hair was driving him mad.

Aaron felt himself just on the verge and he pulled out he wasn’t quite ready to end things just yet. He bent down and help Spencer to his feet where he again ravished the young man's mouth, greedily taking, “Mine,” he growled between pressed lips. 

After a few minutes of the brutal kissing Aaron commanded Spencer once again, “On the bed, face down,” _Oh God, he used his office voice, so hot, so fucking hot_ Spencer had to keep these thoughts to himself remembering that he couldn’t speak. Aaron walked to the dresser and grabbed the bottle of lube. He roughly pulled Spencer almost to the edge of the bed and ordered him to put his ass in the air and arms stretched out in front. He did, waiting, anticipating what was to come. What he didn’t quite expect was the hard slap across his ass. He yelped in surprise as another blow landed, and another, and after a few minutes he felt searing hot pain but mixed with intense pleasure. Aaron finally let up after a few minutes and gently stroked the reddened bottom, “Beautiful, simply beautiful”.

At the same time Aaron had lubed up his erection and Spencer’s entrance. Slowly he started to push in even though he hadn’t prepared Spencer. His hand was resting on Spencer’s back, telling him to relax, and when he felt his lover’s body relax around the head Aaron pushed in, in one swift stroke. Spencer cried out in a mixture of pleasure and pain. Aaron waited for a few seconds, slowly moving his hips. He roughly grabbed Spencer’s waist pulled out a little then pushed in rough and hard. After doing this a couple of times he then picked up the pace. Spencer was trying to keep up but Aaron was on fire, fucking his young lover hard and fast. 

Spencer forgot himself and yelled out, “Fucking hell Aaron, oh god…” Smack went Aaron’s hand across his ass.

“I…told…you…no…talking,” Aaron thrust in hard in-between each word. Aaron kept his promise and returned to spanking Spencer’s tight hard buttocks. Which just made his pace quicken even more and when Aaron felt the release building he reached up and grabbed Spencer around the neck, putting just enough pressure but not quite choking him. The sensation was heady and Aaron couldn’t hold back he let the orgasm rip right through him crying out Spencer’s name. A few seconds later he collapsed on top of his lover pulling the young man to him. He slowly pulled out, reached for his keys on the nightstand and released Spencer. 

Aaron lay on his back and grabbed Spencer pulling him close. Spencer looked at him with pleading eyes. “Un uh, not yet. I am not done with you yet tonight. I want you needy and ready to beg me,” He kissed Spencer softly this time, and running gentle hands through his young lover’s hair.

“Are you okay Spencer?”

Spencer wasn’t sure if they were still in play mode so he just shook his head yes, “It’s okay Spence, you can talk now”.

“That was, I have no words”.

Aaron frowned slightly, “Was it..”

“It was incredible”. Even though he hadn’t been allowed his release he was feeling almost euphoric. The evening was going better than he could have ever hoped for.

“Good”. Aaron caressed Spencer slowly making sure to take the time to care for him. “Hungry?”

“Mmm, I think so, don’t want to move right now”. So, Aaron obliged. They stayed wrapped up in each other until Aaron heard Spencer’s stomach growl.

“Come on get dressed, I’m going to take you out”. Aaron got up off the bed, looked down at Spence and quirked up a brow, “Come on, hurry up”. Spencer reluctantly stood up and started to reach into the closet.

“Nope, I know just what I want you to wear,” Aaron reached into the closet and pulled out the fitted gray shirt and paisley vest that Spencer had worn at the café a couple of months ago. He paired it with black tailored slacks and a thin lilac tie. He then pulled out Spencer’s fitted black blazer and put everything on the bed, “You were wearing that the day we agreed to start all this. Wear it for me now Spencer”. Dark stormy eyes were looking in Spencer’s face and he was finding himself unable to speak.

“Anything you want,” Aaron held back pulling the man into another round of kissing and instead turned around and went into the bathroom to clean up. When he got back Spencer was dressed and Aaron’s mouth went dry.

“Spencer…”

Spencer looked up to see the lust filled eyes, “Yes Aaron?”

Aaron approached and reached up a hand to caress Spencer’s cheek,“I hope you don’t mind it when I say you’re beautiful, “ Soft lips crashed down and they were kissing each other greedily. After a few seconds Aaron pulled away panting.

“No, I don’t mind,” And for some reason, he didn’t.

“Good, because I don’t think I’ll ever stop telling you that, or that I love you”. Aaron’s smile was the kind that showed off his dimples and it made Spencer’s heart flutter.

“I love you too Aaron”. He broke the eye contact and went to put on his socks, matching for once when again Aaron stopped him. He went to the dresser and pulled out two random socks, then reached back in the closet for Spencer’s black and grey converse and handed them to his lover, “For me” he said playfully.

“Okay, just for you”. Spencer was happy. He never realized that the simple act of dressing could make him so ecstatically happy, or horny for that matter.

Aaron had dressed in light grey tailored trousers and a deep blue form fitted V-neck t-shirt. He then pulled out a new matching grey blazer, it was European styled with no lapels, form fitted with a deep V. The look was modern, upscale but oh so sexy.

Spencer quirked up his brow because this was not something that Aaron would normally buy for himself.

“Wow, where did you get that?”

“New men’s store downtown, the sales girl talked me into it. I take it you like?” Aaron saw from Spencer’s face that he liked it very much.

“Damn Aaron, just damn that’s hot”. They stared at each other a moment contemplating staying in, but their stomachs got the better of them.

“Come on, let’s go. Anywhere in particular you’d like to go?” Aaron asked.

“Whatever sounds good, except nothing where I have to use chopsticks”. They both laughed at Spencer’s inability to use the ancient utensils.

“You trust me?”

“Always”. There was more meaning behind that, but Aaron didn’t want to spoil the evening. So, after parking on a side street they got out and walked, Aaron taking Spencer’s hand, not caring if anyone saw them. He guided them to a small French café.

“Wow, this place looks wonderful. How’d you find it?” Spencer asked as they were seated near a window that faced the street. They could look out and watch the people walking by while lazily sipping their wine.

“JJ told me about it a while back. I always meant to come, but…” 

“You didn’t want to alone?” Spencer asked.

“Yeah. I guess I always hoped I’d come here with you”. They were looking in each other eye’s when the waitress came up to see if they were ready to order.

“I’ll have the steak frites, medium rare, and the frisee salad”. Aaron said as he handed the waitress his menu.

“And you sir?” She looked at Spencer who was still contemplating the menu.

“I’ll have the muscles and also a frisee salad”. 

“This is really nice Aaron. I don’t think we’ve been on a date in a very long time. Thank you”.

“Well, before it was easier, we were together almost all the time. Especially when we’d be out on a case, no one would think anything of it if we broke off and had lunch or dinner together”.

Spencer smiled wide. He had loved being in the BAU, but there were too many things that happened he didn’t know if he would ever want to go back. Sure he missed his friends, the rush of a new case, and the thrill of the hunt. He especially missed his maps, damn did he miss his maps. A wistful smile crossed his face.

“What are you thinking there Spence?” Aaron asked teasingly, but was thoroughly surprised by Spencer’s answer.

“Maps”.

“Maps?”

“Yeah, you know maps the pieces of paper that cartographers use to chart the different places of the world down to the minutest detail, did you know that the first known maps were not of the physical world but it was actually of the heavens. In the Lascaux cave paintings they found a chart of the known sky…What?” Spencer smiled looking at the bemused expression on Aaron’s face.

“God I never knew how much I missed that”.

“What, you actually missed me running off into tangents?”

“Actually, yes, yes I did”. Aaron’s face fell for a moment, “I didn’t truly appreciate what we had in you Spencer. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that Gideon often forgot there was a human being behind the mind. I’m sorry that I listened to him the first time after Hankel…”

“Aaron, stop. You’ve already apologized for that. If it wasn’t for you, I would never have made it through what Tobias did to me. JJ and Morgan didn’t really know how to help, but you, you stayed there even when I tried to push you away you stayed. Gideon didn’t want to take responsibility and I realized it later. He was impulsive and he expected me to ‘just get over it’ so to speak. You knew different”.

“Spencer, do you know how many arguments I had with Gideon about it? I realized too late that he should never have come back after Boston. He just wasn’t the same. Sometimes…”

Spencer frowned at Aaron and reached across the table grabbing his lover’s hand, “Sometimes what Aaron?”

“Sometimes I think I should never have come back after Foyet”.

Just as Spencer was going to say something their food came. Spencer smiled playfully as he picked up two of the muscles and used the shell of one to pull out the sweet meat of the other and proceeded to feed it to Aaron. Spencer’s breath caught in his throat when Aaron wrapped his lips around the dangling shellfish. In return, Aaron cut a piece of steak and fed it to Spencer and when the young man wrapped his lips around the fork Aaron was envisioning earlier when Spencer’s mouth was wrapped around something else. He swallowed hard and concentrated on keeping his erection down.

“God Spence, you are so fucking sexy”. They just stared at each other for a minute before continuing their dinner.

They finished their meals and sat back satiated. Aaron ordered espresso for the two of them and a crème brulee to share. When it came they dipped their spoons in the soft silky creamy dessert and slowly fed it to each other. When they were done, Aaron paid the check, took Spencer’s hand and walked out happy and contented.  
___________________________________________________  
Aaron drove them to the marina and parked. The air was warm but not hot and the sky was bright with stars. They exited the car and hand in hand strolled lazily along looking at all boats. “My family used to have a boat”. Aaron said after a while.

“Really? You never told me that”.

Aaron huffed out a cynical laugh, “It was mostly my father’s. It was for show, we rarely used it. I hated it”. A dark angry look passed over Aaron’s face.

Spencer reached up and caressed Aaron’s face, “Aaron, you don’t have to tell me. You told me your story a long time ago and we agreed you never had to tell it again”.

Aaron sighed, “But I never told you, never told anyone about the boat”. Spencer was trying to figure out how suddenly the mood had changed, but if Aaron was talking about part of his past, then Spencer wouldn’t stop him.

“Aaron? What happened?” Spencer had a terrible thought and he hoped it wasn’t true.

Aaron looked over at Spencer and saw the worry on his face, “No Spence, It’s not what you think. He tried to teach me to sail because it was a manly thing to do, but I wasn’t interested. I didn’t like it and it frustrated him, made him angry. After a while, going out there became a punishment. He would purposefully go out far enough that we would spend more than a day on the water. Needless to say those days were hell”. Aaron was breathing heavy, trying to keep the tears out of his eyes.

“Aaron, you don’t have to say anymore”. Spencer took the older man in his arms and let him silently cry. After a few minutes Spencer pulled away, “Let’s go home”.

Aaron ran a hand down his face, wiping away the tears. Maybe there is something to this after all, he thought. He hadn’t talked much to anyone about his father and what happened to him as a child, but the last few weeks he felt himself talking more, confessing things he never thought he would confess. And it felt right, it felt good.

“Yeah, let’s go home”. 

The rest of the evening was spent with Aaron taking his time with the very willing and compliant Dr. Reid. Aaron found that he enjoyed bringing his lover to the brink and delaying his release time and time again. When he finally allowed Spencer to come watching his young lover’s body in the passionate throws of orgasm made Aaron’s heart lurch. And when they were lying in their bed, bodies entwined Aaron made sure to care for Spencer, made sure that his young genius was okay and that everything that happened was welcomed. After a while they fell into a deep sleep happy and content.  
_________________________________________________  
While the two lovers slept, happy and content with the new changes in their relationship another gruesome crime scene was being processed by the Dumfries police department. Another body was found in a park, it took some time to identify the body as that of Brian Jones. This was the second body in six weeks and the Dumfries police hoped there weren’t going to be more, but the Detective in charge didn’t think so.


	9. Present Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A discovery is made that makes Aaron question his childhood and a horrific surprise waits for him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Since my earliest childhood a barb of sorrow has lodged in my heart. As long as it stays I am ironic if it is pulled out I shall die._ \- Soren Kierkegaard

Propriety be damned, he didn’t care at the moment. He pulled Spencer away, took his face in his hands and kissed him. The others in the conference room tried not to look, but they couldn’t pull their eyes away. The grief and sadness everyone felt and each one understood in their own way.

“Spencer, we have to go back. We have to tell them the rest”.

Spencer was wiping his face, tears still wanted to come, but by sheer will he held them back. “I know, I know. It’s just…I thought I could talk about him, why can’t I talk about him Aaron? He was our son and it hurts so much to even hear his name”.

Aaron closed his eyes and kissed Spencer on the forehead, lingering there for just a moment. “Because we loved him. Because he was a shining light for the brief moment in time he was with us. You were right, we let Foyet win, and he’s still winning Spencer with our grief he’s still winning. We have to try to move on. That’s what I’ve learned in the last few months. But right now I’m a suspect in 3 murders and our friends up there need some answers”.

“You’re right, you’re right. I brought them like you asked. Are you really going to let them see these?”

“Do I have a choice?”

Spencer let out short laugh, “No, no you don’t”.

“I also have to turn over the letters, but I want you to look at the last one. That is if they’ll let you.”

Spencer nodded yes, they walked back up to Aaron’s office where he grabbed the hidden spare key to his desk and pulled out the 6 letters from Spencer. They walked back in the conference room and sat down, both with heavy hearts.

JJ walked up to Spencer and put a hand on his shoulder, “I didn’t know…God Spencer, Aaron, you should have told us. We would have understood”.

“Man, I would never…I’m sorry Hotch I thought I was doing the right thing…”

“Morgan, I forgave you a long time ago. I was dealing with…I’m still dealing with Jack and Haley’s deaths. Here, you were bound to find these so I’m giving them over freely…” He handed the stack of letters and the three DVD’s over to Morgan. 

Just as he was about to ask what they were they heard a panicked Garcia and saw her stand up suddenly and back away from her computer. “Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god….”Garcia looked up at Aaron, “I’m so sorry sir, I’m so, so sorry…”

“Garcia, what’s going on?” Aaron looked over at his tech analyst with worry on his face.

She looked up and had tears in her eyes, “There uh…there was an um hidden file…” She was finding it hard to breathe and she couldn’t quite look her boss in the eye.

“A hidden file where? Penny, what is it, what did you find?” Aaron said as he gently laid a hand on her arm, trying to calm Garcia down.

“In the arrest records, it was buried…you, you told me….you told me to do my job, that’s, that’s all I…I…I… was doing….”

Morgan walked over to Garcia and put a hand under her chin and lifted her face up so she’s look at him, “Hey pretty mama, calm down, what’s going on?”

“I can’t, I can’t even look…” She turned and buried her head in the warm safe place that was Derek Morgan. She reached back and pointed at the keyboard. Aaron moved around to the laptop that Garcia was working on and pressed the button she was pointing to.

“What the…” Aaron was horrified at what he saw. Buried deep in the case file of the detective that worked his father’s murder were pictures. These pictures were of Aaron in his bedroom and in various states of undress. They ranged from topless to naked and they ranged in age from about seven years old to just before his father’s death.

“No, no, no…it’s not true, it can’t be, it can’t be true,” Aaron blanched and backed away from the computer, horrified and sick to his stomach. When he hit the back wall of the conference room his legs started to give out. Suddenly hands were on him, trying to hold him up. He pushed them away, “Don’t…don’t touch me, don’t fucking touch me…”   
Tears were forming in his eyes as he collapsed in on himself, holding himself around his middle trying to breathe.

The rest of the team gathered around the computer to try to figure out what was going on.

“Oh my god…” Gideon’s face fell. He sat down hard in the chair Garcia had vacated. He was having a hard time processing what he was seeing.

Alex, Emily and JJ couldn’t look, each of their hearts were breaking at what they were looking at.

Dave’s face was a mixture of pain and rage. He wanted to hit, no he wanted to kill someone but unfortunately that someone was already dead.

Morgan, someone who had suffered abuse at the hands of a man he had once respected, sat down in front of Aaron, “Hotch, Aaron, did you know about this?” He asked as gently as he could being careful not to touch the other man. He could see that his Unit Chief was going into shock and he knew he had to be careful.

“No, no Morgan. I never…I didn’t…OMG, I think I’m going to be sick…” Morgan grabbed at the trash can and quickly put it under Aaron who proceeded to empty his stomach. 

Spencer ran out to the kitchenette to grab some wet towels and a couple of bottles of water. When he got back Aaron was just dry heaving. Spencer slowly and carefully laid a hand on Aaron’s shoulder. The older man turned around and looked at this lover with dark haunted eyes. Spencer carefully wiped Aaron’s face, opened up a bottle of water and encouraged Aaron to drink. 

No one thought anything of it when Spencer pulled Aaron to him and let the man hold on. After a few minutes Spencer said “Aaron, come on, let’s get-up now. You need to get-up”. He looked down at the man who once had an incredible indomitable will, but now, now he was broken and it was crushing Spencer. Spencer got up, and with Morgan’s help they got Aaron into a chair. 

Morgan pulled up his chair next to Aaron, “Aaron,” He experimentally laid a hand on Aaron’s shoulder and when he didn’t flinch, Morgan gripped him tight, trying to give the man some comfort. “Look at me Aaron, you can’t let this break you, you can’t okay? I’m here for you, just like you were there for me. Come on, look at me man”. Aaron looked up and saw strength and compassion on Morgan’s face.

“I didn’t know Morgan. I didn’t, didn’t know, he was sicker than I could ever imagine”. He finally looked up at his team and saw compassion and understanding all around. He also saw outrage on his behalf. “I didn’t know”. He said quietly.

“I think this is enough for tonight. Dave, do we really want to keep him here?” Gideon asked.

“Jason,” He was about to remind everyone that Aaron was a murder suspect and even though they hadn’t gotten all the answers they were looking for they knew that Aaron needed time to process this latest discovery. “No, no Aaron go home. Go home and get some rest, but you will need to come back tomorrow to answer our questions”.

“I’ll take him,” Spencer said as he took his lover’s hand and pulled him to his feet.

“I’m going with you,” Gideon said, Spencer went to argue, “It’s better this way, don’t you think?”

Spencer truly looked at his one-time mentor for the first time that night and he let his old anger at the man show on his face, “Fine. You can have the spare bedroom”. He turned on his heel and grabbed Aaron around his shoulder’s and gently led him out to Jason’s car.

The streets were clear, for it was nearly two am in the morning and Jason made it to Hotch’s apartment in no time. But, when they pulled-up he noticed something wrong.

“Reid, Hotch, stay here”.

“What’s going on?”

“I don’t know, but stay here. I’ll check it out”. 

“I’ll come with you…”

“No Hotch, you don’t have your badge and gun, and before you say anything Spencer you don’t either. Sit tight and I’ll let you know in a minute”.

Jason pulled out his weapon and carefully approached the door. When he got there he breathed a sigh of sadness. He then made a phone call.

“Rossi”, Dave heard his phone ring as he was making his way to his vehicle. The team was trying to piece together the information that Garcia had dug out of Hotch’s arrest record and what they found was horrific.

“Dave, you better get over here to Hotch’s”.

“Jason, what’s going on?”

“A dead body was left at his front door”.


	10. And the Hits Just Keep on Coming

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team tries to keep Aaron and Spencer from discovering the depth of cruelty Aaron's stalker has gone to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _It might be a mistake, that man, in a state of nature, is more disposed to cruelty than courtesy_ \- Mercy Otis Warren

The team all arrived at the scene within minutes. They just couldn’t believe that more hits were coming at them and they still hadn’t gotten the whole story from Hotch. Now a dead body was left in front of their Unit Chief’s house. Morgan was angry and frustrated with the whole situation. 

“Seriously, what the fuck is going on here”. He was pacing up and down in front of Hotch’s apartment building.

JJ, Alex and Emily were there as well questioning the CST team and trying to put together as much information as possible.

Dave left Hotch with Jason and walked to the door, looked down at the body and let out a frustrated sigh, “Well damn. At least this may get Hotch off the hook”. He said to no one in particular.

“What do you mean Rossi?”

“Don’t you recognize her Morgan?”

JJ and Morgan stopped their pacing and carefully examined the body and slowly it dawned on them, “Oh damn, this is the girl from earlier tonight, goddammit Rossi, who is doing this and why?”

“Well, those are the million dollar questions aren’t they. Keep at this get as much information as you can, we’ll have to update Dumfries of this latest development”.

Dave started to walk back to the SUV where Jason was having a hard time trying to calm a very angry Hotch down.

“Jason, just tell me what the fuck is going on?” He hadn’t told Hotch yet, he wanted to wait till everyone was there and CST was working on the crime scene.

“Hotch, a body was left at the entrance to your apartment building. It looks like the young woman from earlier”. Dave looked right in Hotch’s face, trying to gauge his reaction.

“What? Dave, what the hell are you talking about, Anna was fine when we left, how…what…” Hotch held a hand to his forehead and there was pain and confusion on his face. “You wanted my reaction didn’t you? I’m not the fucking unsub Dave. I know I kept you in the dark, but I didn’t…”

Dave held up his hand to try to calm Hotch down, “I know, I’m sorry, and you’re right I was trying to gauge your reaction. Now since you seem to know her, are you up to making a positive ID?”

“Of…of course,” Hotch walked over with Dave to where the coroner was bagging the body and placing it on a gurney. Hotch grabbed a pair of gloves and put them on. Dave indicated with his head to the coroner for him to open the bag enough so that Hotch could see the face.

Hotch looked down, placed a gloved hand on her face, “Oh Anna, what happened to you? I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry. I promise we’ll find out who did this,” He told the coroner he was done, then ripped off his gloves and stalked away back towards Jason and Reid.

Dave went after him, “Hotch, who was she? And just what the hell are you involved in? When did you start going to prostitutes?”

Hotch sighed deeply, “Dave, her name was Anna Miller. She was a grad student at Stratford, just like the others she was working on her Master’s thesis in Sex therapy. They aren’t prostitutes”. Hotch took a deep breath before continuing, he never talked about his most private life and now it was going to have to be out in the open, “They’re sex surrogates”.

Reid stood next to Hotch to show his support, he intertwined his hand with Hotch’s encouraging the older man to go on.

“Sex surrogates Hotch?” Dave quirked up his brow and Jason just looked dumbfounded.

“I wasn’t having sex with them. It’s…it’s complicated. I’ve been…we’ve been trying to work out all these repressed emotions…after Foyet…”

Reid squeezed Hotch’s hand and looked at his former mentors, “This is my fault. I got Aaron into this…”

“Aaron, sorry to interrupt, but I think you need to see this” Just then Alex had run up to the group and she had something in her hand. It was a letter that was bagged and tagged. Hotch took the letter and read it.

_To Supervisory Special Agent Aaron Hotchner,_

_By now you have gotten my present. How I wish I was there to see your face and the faces of your team. Have you called in Gideon yet, that is if the bastard dared to come out of hiding. I hope so, he should be here to witness this too. I wonder, how does it feel to have your team suspect you of murder? It must not feel good by any means. Well, It seems that you are innocent of **this** crime, and you are probably wracking your brain right now trying to figure out who I am. Come on put that big ego to the test SSA Hotchner, come on and catch me, maybe this time you’ll make the charges stick._

_Always, your friend._

“What the hell…” Now Hotch was angry. Whoever this was brought this to his door, his home and was now making it even more personal. He yelled to the group still working in the doorstep to his building, “Morgan, JJ come here”.

Morgan didn’t hesitate, he not only heard it in Hotch’s voice, but he saw it in his demeanor, the change and he thought, _there his is, finally_. Morgan inwardly smiled that for the first time this whole crazy night he heard his Unit Chief.

“Yeah Hotch?”

He held out the letter for Morgan and JJ to read, “Did either of you see anything like this left on any of the other victims?”

“No we didn’t”.

“In the morning I want you two to go over everything in their effects, see if there is something we missed”.

“Got it. What are you going to do Hotch?”

He took a deep breath, “I don’t know, I can’t…I can’t stay here, not tonight,” He closed his eyes and leaned against the SUV and said under his breath, “I can’t believe this is happening again, not again”. He looked at Reid with pain, confusion and anger all written there.

“Aaron, I’ve still got my apartment..”

“No, both of you are coming to my house,” Rossi put a hand before they could protest, “I’ve got plenty of room, it’s quiet and private. We’ve all had a very long night and you two could use the rest. Jason I’ve got room enough for you also if you want to come”.

“Dave you don’t have to do this”.

“Aaron, I don’t think you and Spencer should be alone tonight. Come on, let’s get some things packed for you guys, I’ll see if CST and the police have cleared the scene”. Rossi walked over and talked to the detective that had arrived earlier. They all explained the on-going nature of the case and agreed to share any and all information. The crime-scene techs and the coroner had all gone and the detective gave the all clear, but he stayed around because he had questions for Hotch.

Carefully Hotch, Reid and Rossi made their way into the apartment building. When they got there, the door looked like it was busted open and the alarm had been disabled. Rossi held back the other two men and told them to wait. He ran down to Morgan and had him come up. Carefully the two entered with guns drawn.

Rossi went through the living room shouted, “Clear”.

Morgan had made his way to the bedroom and Rossi heard him say, “Clear”. They also cleared the kitchen, and the bathroom. When both men entered Jack’s room their hearts shattered. What they saw was beyond horrific.

“Rossi, we can’t let them see this, not after everything that’s happened”.

“Morgan, get JJ and Alex. You know we won’t be able to stop them”.

“Rossi, this will destroy the two of them, you know that”.

“That’s why I’m going to keep them out in the hall while you get JJ and Alex. Tell Emily and Jason to meet me in the hall”.

“Okay”.

Morgan ran outside and told Alex and JJ to come with him and shouted over to Emily and Jason that Rossi wanted them. They were peppering him with questions, “Guys, just I need you to see this first”.

As they were coming back they heard Rossi arguing with Reid and Hotch, “Dave, just let us in there. The quicker we get our stuff the quicker we can put this nightmare behind us”.

“Aaron, Spencer, please wait. Okay? We’re just double checking to make sure things are okay”.

“Hotch, listen to Rossi, give us a minute then we’ll let you inside, okay?”

“Morgan, just tell us what’s going on”. Reid looked at his friend hoping they’d get some answers.

“Reid, just be a little patient”. Morgan was pleading with his eyes for them to back down.

“Fine, fine, but don’t take too long or we are coming in there”.

“JJ, Alex come on”. Once they were inside he stopped them in front of Jack’s old room. “Look, this is bad. I don’t want Reid and Hotch to see this, but…”

“Morgan? What is it?” JJ’s heart was pounding while Morgan opened the door. He heard the intake of breath from both women.

“You’re right. We can’t let them see this, who would do this? Who would be so cruel? I can’t…” JJ spun around and had tears in her eyes. She just couldn’t understand how someone could be so heartless.

“Rossi says we can’t stop them”.

“Morgan, you’re not seriously thinking of letting them in there? This will destroy them, I know it would me”. She thought of her own son Henry and how it would break her to know the depth of cruelty that was shown here this evening.

“Not letting us in where JJ?” Hotch came up behind her and startled her. Normally she never thought anything about how large and imposing Aaron Hotchner could be, but now, tonight the dark look that passed over his face was dangerous.

“Hotch, don’t. You and Spence don’t need to go in there. Please”.

Hotch was passed angry. When he and Spencer entered the apartment and they saw the level of destruction it pushed them passed angry, they were livid. Furniture ripped up and destroyed, glasses and plates broken and strewn everywhere, papers ripped up, utensils thrown all around, wine bottles destroyed. Everywhere they looked there was complete and utter destruction.

Alex walked up to the two men and laid a hand on each of their arms, “Spencer, Aaron, JJ’s right. You don’t need to see this”. Both men, however, were determined and stubborn. They shoved passed Alex and JJ and ran into Morgan. He put a firm hand on both of their chests, stopping them at the door to Jack’s room.

“Morgan, let us by, right now,” Morgan had never seen the type of fire in Reid’s eyes as he saw now. 

Morgan put a hand on Reid’s neck, “Man, please don’t do this”.

“Morgan,” Reid reached up and with a strength Morgan didn’t know his friend had pried his hand away. Hotch had also swatted the man’s hand off of his chest. Morgan walked away resigned. Rossi was right; no matter what they did nothing was going to keep the two men out.

Reid and Hotch slowly walked into Jack’s room. Hotch was one of those parents that hadn’t changed a thing after Jack’s death. Reid walked to the middle of the room and dropped down to his knees. He picked up a piece of the clay handprint that Jack had made for him and Hotch in preschool. He held it in his hand, shocked and angry. He looked up at Aaron and just said “Why?”

Aaron dropped down next to Spencer and gathered the man in his arms and said, “I don’t know Spencer. I don’t know”. The two men couldn’t hold it in and they silently let the tears fall as they held each other amidst the destruction of their son’s room. Toys had been torn open, mementos destroyed; the Spiderman sheets and blanket were torn to shreds. Nothing had been sacred to the perpetrator.

Mogan, JJ and Alex silently left the two men alone. There was nothing anyone could do to console them.

“I am going to kill the son-of-a-bitch, I swear to god Rossi, who would be so goddamn cruel? This is beyond personal. If this doesn’t destroy them….” He walked away, trying to get his emotions under control.

Jason was the last to come into the apartment and his heart sank. Here was one reason he stayed away, looking at the destruction in Jack’s room was something even he wasn’t immune to.

He sank down next to his former friends and put a hand on both men’s shoulder’s and bowed his head. “Hotch, Reid, come on, you don’t need to be in here. You don’t need to see this, don’t let this be a memory for you. Come on”.

They both looked up and was surprised by the depth of emotion on Jason’s face. Even though each man was still angry at Gideon, they welcomed the warmth and understanding. They both got up and made their way to their bedroom.

Again the destruction was everywhere. Hotch looked down and saw the gray shirt and paisley vest, shredded and it broke his heart.

“Aaron, Aaron I can get another shirt. Look at me, these are just things, I know I’m angry too, but…but let’s get out of here, the police have to do their job. I can’t…” Aaron looked at Reid and saw his own emotions reflected in his lover’s face.

Jason got them off the bed, and had Morgan take them to Dave’s SUV. Morgan then raced back inside where he and Jason worked together to salvage what they could as far as clothes went. They found the two suitcases in the closet that had luckily been untouched. Knowing Reid and Hotch as well as they did they were able to sort out whose clothes were who’s into the two suitcases. As they were taking them out to Rossi’s car Morgan made sure to tell the detective what it was they were taking. Morgan also agreed to stay behind to talk to the police and he ordered everyone else to go home that there was nothing more that they could do in this early morning. 

Dave drove a very quiet Hotch and Reid to his house, with Gideon up front with him. No one spoke, there were no words adequate that would help to console the two men whose lives had just been ripped apart. When they got to Rossi’s he led Hotch and Spencer to a corner bedroom and let them know that they were welcomed there for as long as they needed. He was thanked and all Reid and Hotch wanted to do was lay down and try to forget everything that happened during the long horrible night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, please don't hate me. Let me know what you think. Again I thank all of you that have left Kudos and reviews. It warms my heart that you guys are enjoying the story.


	11. 3 Months Ago

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron deals with something he's been suppressing for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _The control and understanding of our personal fears is one of the most important undertakings or our lives_ \- Helen Mirren

Spencer was curled up on the couch with a hot cup of tea. He was working on cutting back on his coffee intake and he wanted to try out a new line of teas so he brought some home to taste test. He had a stack of books next to him ready to be devoured to help assuage his loneliness. It was times like this that he really missed Aaron. His phone rang and he smiled, he had hoped Aaron would call, “Hey, I was wondering when you were going to call”.

Aaron smiled on the other side of the phone, “Well, we got held up, our initial suspect was wrong and we’ve had to go back to the profile”.

Disappointment crossed his face, he had been hoping that Aaron would’ve been home already, but he tried not to let it come through in his voice, “So, you’re going to be a few more days?”

“I’m sorry Spencer, it looks like it. I promise, I will make it up to you...”

“It’s okay. Just…Just get home safe”.

“Spencer…”

“Aaron, it’s fine. The café keeps me busy and I brought some of my books over so I’ll be okay”.

What he’d been distracted from was that Aaron was quietly opening the front door and he snuck up to stand right behind Spencer.

When Spencer hadn’t heard anything else from his lover he became very anxious, “Aaron? Aaron, where’d you go?”

“Right here,” Aaron bent down behind Spencer and started kissing that sensitive spot right behind Spencer’s ear, the one he knew drove his lover crazy.

Spencer yelped and jumped up in surprise. “You do know that it is unwise to prank an MIT graduate, right?” He tried to play off being indignant, but he was smiling wide.

Aaron laughed the kind of laugh Spencer hadn’t heard in a while, “No prank war. Morgan couldn’t get the super glue off his desk for weeks,” He walked over and pulled Spencer in his arms and kissed him passionately, possessively. “God, I missed you. I wish you’d reconsider my offer”.

“Aaron…”

“I’m not pushing. As a consultant you can travel with the team, help with the profiles, even counsel families the only thing you couldn’t do is interrogation or be in on the collar.” He got a mischievous look on his face, “You could be alone with your maps”. He quirked up his lips and was showing Reid his playful side.

“You are horrible. I don’t know Aaron. I’d have to promote someone to general manager and I don’t know if I’m ready to give up control”.

“Hmm, you in control, now that sounds dangerous,” There was a fire in Aaron’s eyes that Spencer didn’t know how to interpret.

“Ummm, Aaron, what has gotten into you tonight? Not that I’m complaining, I like this side of you”.

“I guess I’m trying to say I’m sorry for not telling you about Emily. Spencer…”

“Aaron, I know and I was a jackass for my reaction, but I was really mad at you. Going to her funeral, even if it was incognito and then finding out months later she was alive? It hurt. But then I thought about how I haven’t told the team I’m back yet and I felt hypocritical”.

“There is that. Dave hasn’t told anyone either yet. Spencer, we really should tell them. We should tell them everything”.

“I know, it’s just…I like having you all to myself”. Spencer kissed Aaron long and slow, “Mmmm, of course I do miss travelling with you and secretly messing with JJ’s room assignments”. The two men laughed at how they always mysteriously ended-up sharing a room together.

“And, you know who always gets stuck with Dave, don’t you?”

“Aw come on, it can’t be that bad, can it?” The look Aaron gave Spencer could’ve melted ice.

“Okay, I guess it is”. He pulled out of Aaron’s arms, “Want something to drink?”

“Sure, I could use a drink”. Aaron’s face suddenly got dark.

“Was it a bad one?”

Aaron looked up at Spencer and knew. He knew that he would never have to explain himself, he’d never have to hide, he could always tell Spencer what was going on and he’d understand. “Yeah, it was. A serial rapist who was re-victimizing his victims, sometimes I think I’ve seen it all…”

Spencer came in with a scotch and soda in his hands and as he was handing it to Aaron he lowered himself onto Aaron’s lap and straddled his lover. He bent his head and started slowly kissing him, lips barely touching, playfully nipping along Aaron’s jaw line. When he got to that soft spot just under Aaron’s ear he heard his lover moan long and low.

“Mmm, Spencer, is this you taking control?” He asked huskily.

Spencer pulled back, quirked up his brow, “And what if I did? Not that I don’t like our relationship as is, but, what if I did take control?” He asked playfully.

“I might like that…” Aaron sat back and waited to see what Spencer would do.

Spencer reached out and slowly undid Aaron’s tie, then he grabbed one of Aaron’s wrists and tied one end around it, but let the other end dangle for the time being. Aaron quirked up his brow, but waited patiently to see what Spencer would do next. He got up and tugged on the tie, encouraging Aaron to follow. 

Once in the bedroom, Spencer slowly started to undress Aaron, starting with his dress shirt. Hands played over his chest, fingers running through the dark curly hair, playfully scratching his back while he kissed and licked everywhere. He lingered on the scars, being gentle but not afraid to acknowledge them. Aaron appreciated how Spencer cared for him and didn’t shy away from the physical reminders of that horrible day. Slowly the younger man’s hands moved to undo the trousers and pushed them with Aaron’s boxers off his body. Spencer was caressing, touching and teasing his lover, playfully kissing him loving the noises that Aaron was making. 

Spencer quickly undressed himself then pushed Aaron down on the bed. The whole time Aaron was watching Spencer, trying to anticipate what his lover was going to do. It had been quite a long time since Spencer topped and, so far, Aaron was loving it. He rarely gave up control, but tonight he was beginning to be glad he did. 

Spencer grabbed Aaron’s arm with the tie and raised it above his lover’s head, then he grabbed the other arm and tied the other end around that wrist, effectively capturing both wrists in the soft fabric. Spencer lowered himself on top of Aaron, lips crashing down, biting, licking and tasting the scotch on Aaron’s lips. Slowly he was grinding his hips into Aaron’s groin pulling feral noises from the older man.

Aaron closed his eyes, relaxing into the little fires Spencer was causing to flare up throughout his whole body. He let his mind wander, thinking about his lover and all the wonderful moments they’d had since their reunion. Tonight he knew that he never wanted to be parted from Spencer again. However, Aaron wasn’t careful with his thoughts and when he felt Spencer lower himself completely on top he froze.

“Spencer,” Aaron said with slight hesitation in his voice. When Spencer didn’t respond he spoke more forcefully, “Spencer, stop. Spencer, please, stop,” He was beginning to panic.

“Aaron?” Spencer sat up, concern in his voice, “What’s wrong?”

“Untie me, Spence, please, now,” The panic was definitely setting in and Spencer immediately complied. As soon as he was free, Aaron jumped off the bed, and started pacing, trying to calm himself down.

Spencer was confused, he thought Aaron trusted him and was enjoying himself. He tried to guess at what had soured the playful mood they had been in, “Aaron? What…what’s wrong?”

“I just need a minute, just give me a minute”. He looked over and saw the hurt on Spencer’s face. “Oh god, Spencer I’m sorry,” he sat back down on the bed and pulled Spencer close to him. He was trying to put into words what happened and was having a hard time.

“Did I do something wrong? Something you didn’t like?” 

Aaron closed his eyes and calmed his emotions, “No, no Spencer you didn’t do anything wrong. I was enjoying it, and I let my mind wander, then when you laid on top…” Aaron didn’t know how to tell his lover what happened, why he panicked.

“Aaron? Talk to me, let me help you”.

He was quiet for quite a long time before he spoke, but when he did it was barely audible and Spencer had to lean in close to hear, “It wasn’t you Spence, Foyet…”

Realization dawned on Spencer. Foyet had been on top of Aaron, holding him down when he had attacked. The act of the stabbing, especially multiple stabbings like what his lover had gone through was akin to rape, something they often profiled with unsub’s whose preference was stabbing. “God, Aaron I’m sorry, I’m so, so sorry, I…I didn’t think…”

Aaron was feeling a little self-conscious so he reached down and pulled on his discarded boxers and t-shirt. He laid down and pulled Spencer to him. “Shhh, it’s okay, it’s not your fault Spencer. I didn’t know I was going to react that way. I didn’t know I even felt that way”. Aaron was feeling a bubble of shame and anger. Shame at what had happened to him and anger that he even felt that way. 

“Aaron, have you,” Spencer knew he needed to be delicate and was trying to frame his words carefully, “Have you talked about it?”

“No, when I was recovering in the hospital after Haley and Jack died I talked about you, Jack and Haley. I never talked about that first attack…” Aaron closed his eyes and it was as if Foyet was there again, on top of him. He felt the knife going in all over again and the silent tears started. He was getting frustrated with himself because he wasn’t weak, this wasn’t him and he didn’t know what to do.

“Aaron, I think you need to talk to someone about this, especially because you never dealt with it initially. Maybe Dr. Clemmens …”

“Stop Spencer, I know, but not right now. I just…I can’t…”

“Aaron, I know this is going to sound crazy, but we’ve counseled survivors of this type of crime to seek out a rape counselor…”

Aaron jumped up out of the bed and looked down at Spencer, “I wasn’t raped Spencer,” The tone of his voice should have told Spencer to back-off, but he knew this wasn’t going to go away.

“Aaron, I know you weren’t, but you’re a damn profiler and one of the best. We knew Foyet’s choice of stabbing was a replacement for sex. He held you down Aaron, he held you down and violated you. You ignored it the first time and it almost tore us apart. You can’t ignore it this time. You need to talk to someone”.

The shame Spencer saw in Aaron’s face was breaking his heart, “Spencer, I…”

“Don’t let your damn pride get in the way of this”. Spencer got up and pulled on some sweat pants that he had thrown on the floor earlier in the morning, and walked over to stand in front of Aaron taking his face in his hands, “There is no shame Aaron”. He pulled the older man in his arms to give him comfort. “We don’t have to do anything tonight. Hey, there’s a Star Trek Next Generation marathon on tonight. I can make popcorn, we can order in, make out on the couch…”

Aaron reached up and framed Spencer’s face in his hands and kissed him gently. He didn’t think he could have sex that night, his memories were just too fresh, but just being with Spencer sounded good, “Okay, okay that sounds good”.

Spencer ordered in some Thai for dinner and they ate together on the couch arguing about the loose scientific facts in Star Trek. After a while they curled up on the couch entwined in each other and fell asleep to the noise of the TV.   
________________________________________  
It was a couple of weeks before Spencer brought-up the subject again and Aaron agreed to talk with Dr. Clemmens at his next appointment.

“So Aaron, how have you been feeling lately?”

Aaron still had problems being completely open with the Doctor, even though he often felt lighter after their sessions. Today he wanted to keep his promise to Spencer that he would talk about the initial attack from Foyet but he was finding it difficult to say anything

“Aaron? Is there something you want to talk about?”

He took a deep breath, “I ah came home early a couple of weeks ago and I was teasing Spencer. We were in a playful mood with each other and I made an offhand comment about the possibility of him taking control...”

“How did that make you feel?”

“Actually I wanted to see how far he’d take it. It was exciting, playful; I wanted him to do what he wanted for a change”.

“That’s good, that’s healthy. It also shows the level of trust you have in your partner. So, what happened?”

Aaron looked down and frowned, he was fidgety and nervous. He never gets nervous and this was all new to him, “He uh, he took off my tie and tied one of my wrists, then he led me by it to the bedroom. I didn’t say anything I wanted to see what he would do.” Aaron cleared his throat, grabbed the bottle of water and took a drink to slake the dryness of his throat. He was finding it difficult to reveal such a personal moment.

“Aaron, you’re safe here, anything you tell me it’s all in confidence. No judgments, remember?”

He took a deep breath and continued on, “He undressed me, pushed me on the bed then tied my other wrist with the other end of the tie. It wasn’t unwelcomed and I was quite enjoying that side of Spencer”. He stopped again, he looked up at the Doctor and his customary stoic mask slipped into place. He was closing off and the Doctor knew it.

“Aaron, I can’t help you if you don’t tell me everything that happened. Obviously something changed. Now, if you’re not ready I understand, but if this is something that needs to be addressed, remember I’m here to help. Keeping things repressed like you are will just get worse. You’ve been doing good don’t let this be a set-back to the progress you’ve made”.

Aaron pushed off the couch he was sitting on, took off his suit jacket and tie and started pacing. “Everything was going good, I was feeling good, then ah, Spencer….” Aaron took a deep breath, “I let my mind wander, I was thinking about our relationship since our reconciliation and I was happy. Then, he uh, he laid on top and I panicked”. He gave the Doctor his famous frown and was trying to figure out how to say the rest, but the words wouldn’t come.

“What happened Aaron? Why did you panic?”

“My thoughts went to Foyet”.

“The man who killed your ex-wife and son?”

“Yes. What I never told you about was the first attack”. Aaron was starting to sweat, his nerves were raw and his emotions were all over the place.

“What was it Aaron?”

He swallowed hard, calmed his breathing and sat back down, “We had a rather difficult case in Canada. It was…horrific can’t even describe what really happened there. I don’t think any of us on the team has ever come to terms with what we experienced that day. Anyway, we got home late, I walked into my apartment. I had made Spencer move for his safety. The Reaper had escaped from prison and I foolishly thought if he wasn’t there…anyway, I wasn’t paying attention and I was attacked from behind. I blacked out and woke-up a couple of hours later. Foyet…he…he was on top of me. Sometimes I still feel the slide of the blade…He…he stabbed me nine times then he drove me to the hospital and just dumped me there…” His breath was shallow, beads of sweat were breaking out on his forehead and he was close to a panic attack. When he felt the Doctor lay a hand on his knee he looked up and saw compassion and understanding on her face.

“Aaron, I take it you’ve never talked about that day, not even with Spencer?”

Aaron’s eyes were filling, but he didn’t want to cry, “No. That was the last day I…we got to hold our son. Haley and Jack were put into protective custody because Foyet threatened them. He didn’t know about Spencer and I know for a fact that if he had…”

“Spencer would have been in danger also?”

“Yes”.

“Aaron, I’m going to say something that you may not like but I want you to listen, okay?” Aaron looked long and hard at the Doctor, then nodded for her to go on. “What Foyet did to you, it’s a kind of rape. He used a knife as the act of penetration and he incapacitated you. It wasn’t just about causing you pain, but humiliation as well. I suspect that this is why you, subconsciously, haven’t let Spencer top. You always want to be in control because of the one time you were out of control”.

Aaron took a deep breath and heard the truth in her words. He hadn’t realized how much he was holding onto the pain and humiliation he felt from that day. 

His voice was shaky when he asked, “What do I do?”  
____________________________________  
Dr. Clemmens led Aaron to an adjacent room set-up like a bedroom. “I know Spencer is the one controlling the other part of the sessions, but this is a different problem. What I want to try with you is called ‘Immersion Therapy’...”

“I’m familiar with the technique Dr”. Hotch swallowed thinking back to a rather nasty case where a psychologist had a psychotic break and was killing his patients with Immersion Therapy. He was not necessarily looking forward to this. _Sometimes my job sucks_ he thought, but what he said was, “So, you think something like this will help me?”

“What you’re feeling is a type of anxiety and it’s not surprising. We will take it slow and you will keep your clothes on. This is a non-invasive technique…”

“Yeah well, tell that to the patients a Dr. Stanley Howard”. He said under his breath.

The Doctor looked at Aaron and placed a hand on his arm, “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to Aaron. Like I said, I can show you the basic technique and you can work on it with Spencer. I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable, but this won’t go away. If it’s come up now that means that the other parts of your therapy are working. Grief and loss are just part of what both of you are suppressing”.

Aaron looked long and hard at the Dr. and knew she was right. He needed to deal with what happened to him if he was to have a full and completely healthy relationship with Spencer.

“Okay, okay I will try this”. He was visibly nervous but the Dr. expected that.

“Okay, what I want you to do is take off your shoes, loosen your shirt and lay down”. He did as he was told. The Doctor moved off into another room and came back a few minutes later with another young man.

“Aaron, this is Alan. He’s another grad student working with me”.

Aaron frowned and was surprised. Most of his session had been with either Brian or Michael. This was a new person and he was feeling a little uncomfortable, “Dr. Clemmens, where are Brian and Michael?”

The Doctor sighed, “Brian got an opportunity closer to his hometown and he wanted to be close to his parents, he sent me an e-mail to let me know he was leaving. Michael completed his graduate work and moved back to California. If you don’t want to do this I understand. You had built up a level of trust…”

“No, no it’s okay. We’ll try this”. Hotch sat up and the two men introduced themselves. Alan’s quiet demeanor immediately helped to put Hotch at ease.

“Okay, now lay back and close your eyes. I will be with you the whole time, you are safe here Aaron, nothing is going to hurt you”. When she saw that Aaron was visibly relaxed she had Alan lay down next to the older man. “Okay, now Alan, I want you to lay half-way across Aaron,” The young man did as he was asked, relaxing against Aaron.

“Now Aaron I want you to tell me between 1 and 10 what your anxiety level is at the moment and what you are thinking”.

Aaron took a deep breath, his mind had gone back to that terrible day and he was feeling his anxiety rising, “I’m thinking about that day, the day Foyet attacked me. I’m really uncomfortable…” His breathing was shallow and a light sheen of sweat was breaking out on his face.

“Okay, give me a number of what you are feeling,”

Aaron was swallowing hard, trying not to think of the young man on top of him, “It’s, about a 9. I need to stop, I really need…”

The Doctor put a gentle hand on his arm, “Calm your breathing, remember you are safe Aaron. What I want you to do is this, when Spencer is on top and your mind wanders to the attack I want you to immediately bring up a recent good memory. When you have that good memory in your mind, breathe through the anxiety and try to calm down”.

He shook his head that he understood and brought to mind the date from the prior month. Thinking about that night helped him calm down. His breathing evened out and the anxiety was dissipating. The Doctor could see just when Aaron was more relaxed.

“Good, that’s good”. She turned to the Alan, “Alan, thank you that was perfect”. He got up, and Aaron sat up, still trying to control his anxiety. He said his goodbyes to the young man, his thoughts were a confused mess, but he knew that this could help.

“Aaron, how are you feeling?”

“Confused, scared, nervous but…”

The Doctor knew he wanted to say more so she waited patiently for him to continue, “But, I think a little better. I don’t know. Does this really work?”

“Yes it does. Most of my patients that engage in Immersion Therapy learn ways to deal with the anxiety that builds up in certain stressful situations. I want you to try to do this with Spencer at least twice a week. Don’t jump right in and try to overcome this too quickly. We want lasting results and that takes time”.

“Impatience is one of my virtues,” He said dryly.

The Doctor chuckled lightly, “And, in the meantime when you are here we can talk about the attack. Whatever you are comfortable with and at your own pace, but you do need to deal with the psychological aspect of what happened to you”.

“I know. Thank you, we will work on this. I don’t want this to come between us anymore”.

The Doctor shook Aaron’s hand and their session came to end for that day. She was hopeful that Aaron would follow through and that Spencer and Aaron would come out a stronger, healthier couple in the end.  
______________________________________________  
The dark figure was watching again, they weren’t ready to confront the object of their rage. But the anticipation was sweet. They couldn’t wait to bring everything crashing down on Aaron Hotchner. They watched him drive away from the psychologist’s office and smiled darkly. When the young man came out of the office and started to drive away, the lone figure started up their car and followed.

Two days later the Dumfries detective was staring down at yet another body, frustrated and angry.


	12. In the Aftermath of Destruction

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team finally hears all the truth, they now have a new plan.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Three things cannot be long hidden; The Sun, The Moon and The Truth_ -Buddha

No one got much sleep and when Aaron and Spencer came downstairs and found Gideon and Rossi arguing in the kitchen, they immediately wanted to turn around and go back to their room. Neither man was in the mood for any type of confrontation. 

“You two, don’t go any further. We need answers. Now I know a lot happened last night, but you’re just going to have to put it aside and finish telling us everything”. Gideon had caught them and they knew that it was time to finish all of this. But Spencer wasn’t feeling particularly open or forgiving at the moment.

“Yeah, well Gideon I don’t see where you’ve been all that open and honest”. Spencer’s unresolved anger at his former mentor was coming off him in waves.

“Spencer, I know I hurt you and we can deal with that later, but I think bigger things are going on here”.

“Well Jason I’m not the only one you’ve got to answer to. What about the position you left Aaron in? He almost lost his job because of you…”

Aaron, while secretly happy that his lover would stand up for him, knew if he didn’t stop this right now things would be said that couldn’t be taken back. “Spencer, not now, Gideon’s right, we need to finish this. I don’t want to do this at the office. Dave, do you mind calling the team and we can do it here? That way, no more distractions”.

“I already called them. That’s what we were arguing about. I knew you’d want to do this in private. Everyone will be here in a few minutes. But, Aaron there is something we need to tell you, let’s go in my study”. Dave led Spencer and Aaron into his study, followed by Jason. They all took seats while Rossi pulled up Aaron’s arrest and investigation records.

“Aaron, I’m going to ask you some very personal questions and I’m sorry, but we just need to clear this up”.

“Okay Dave, what is it?” Aaron’s heart was pounding, he wasn’t sure if he could take any more hits right now.

“Aaron did your father ever,” Rossi looked at his friend, finding it hard to put into words what he wanted to say, “Did he ever inappropriately touch you?” 

Aaron frowned, “No, no he didn’t. Not even when he took me out on the boat”.

“Boat?” Jason questioned.

“Yeah, we had a boat, my father would take me out on it. He was trying to teach me to sail, but I wasn’t really interested. To him it was a “manly” thing to do, but when I refused…well it became more of a punishment. But, nothing ever happened like that, why?”

Dave took a deep breath, “Because we found these”. He pushed the computer over to Aaron and he looked at more pictures, but these were of other boys. They looked to be between the ages of 11 and 14 and the thing that didn’t go over his head was the boys all had a similar look to Aaron. He pushed the computer back to Rossi and sat back.

“You’re saying that my father was a preferential predator aren’t you?”

Dave was worrying his jaw back and forth, trying not to bring more pain to his friend, but now that things were out in the open he needed to ask the questions, “Yes. I read the Detective’s report and he had a theory that your father was working his way to you. I am going to be calling him later on to find out more. If you don’t want me to pursue this Aaron I won’t and we’ll just leave everything right here as is”.

Aaron swallowed hard, he wasn’t sure if he really wanted to know what it was his father had done, but he also knew that he’d always have those questions. “Maybe when all of this is done, but not right now, okay?” He sat back and tried to process the possible implications and wondered how much his mother and Sean might know.

“Then I will put this aside and we can deal with it when things are, hopefully, back to normal”.

Just then there was a knock at the door which signaled that the rest of the team had arrived. To make it easy they met-up at the office and all drove over together.

Rossi let them in and had them gather in the dining room so that there was room for everyone. Aaron, Spencer and Jason came in and they all sat down and waited.

Aaron took a deep breath and looked around at his friends and colleagues and knew that he should have trusted them from the beginning. “Look, I know I should have trusted you guys with the truth right from the beginning. I kept quiet for too long and now five people are dead. I don’t deserve your help, but I am asking for it. I promise I will tell you everything. Hopefully finishing this here there will be fewer distractions”.

“Before you start, Hotch, are you and Reid okay?” Morgan looked at his unit chief and friend and saw the pain from the evening before flit across both men’s faces.

Hotch looked over at his lover and saw him looking down and frowning, “I don’t know Morgan, I don’t think we’ve truly processed what happened. Seeing Jack’s…” The anger flared up and Hotch was having difficulty saying anything more.

“You don’t have to say anything Hotch. We understand and we are all just as angry that someone would be that cruel. And, if you don’t want to talk about that, we won’t, right Derek?” JJ looked pointedly at Morgan.

“No, we don’t have to talk about that. The police are still processing the scene and they will need you guys to go back and inventory what is left, but one of us can be with you when you do”. Morgan wanted to reach out to both of them, but he held off for now.

“It’s okay Morgan, I know we’ll have to go back, but right now you have questions. I’ll tell you what I can”. He took a deep breath and waited a moment, “Six months ago Spencer and I reunited,” Everyone looked over at Reid a little shocked and angry.

“You’ve been back that long? Why didn’t you tell us Spencer? Henry has been asking where you’ve been”.

“JJ, I couldn’t yet. Please, I know you guys are upset with me, but just listen, okay?” Spencer pleaded with his eyes for her to try to understand.

Hotch cleared his throat, “This will go a lot faster if you just let me talk,” He said in his best Unit Chief voice. He then proceeded to tell them about his and Spencer’s reunion, the surrogates, going to see Dr. Clemmens, everything. By the time he was done his team just didn’t know what to say.

“So, the whole time we’ve been investigating what has been going on, you knew these people?” Morgan asked.

“Yes. I wanted to try to find out who the hell was doing all of this before I had to tell you all of my involvement”.

“Don’t you think that you being involved was something we should have known from the beginning? And this Dr. Clemmens sounds like someone we should be talking to. What in the hell were you thinking Hotch?”

“I wasn’t and you’re right Morgan, I should have told you everything. We should have been honest with you guys years ago, but…”

“You were worried about what it would have done to your careers, weren’t you?” Alex asked. A part of her understood better than most what a small mistake or tiny slip-up could mean to someone’s career in the FBI.

“Yes Alex. It was never an easy decision and after Foyet, well I thought I lost Spencer forever and I haven’t been my best. I see it in you guys, like you’re waiting for me to follow in Jason’s footsteps of just up and leaving”.

Emily was looking at the two men and understood some of what they were going through, “Hotch, Reid, we would have supported you. But, I understand some of where you’re coming from. I pretty much did the same thing, didn’t I? Going after Doyle without telling anyone, and look where that got me. I would think you would have learned my   
lesson”. She looked at the two men with a bemused expression on her face. 

“Well, you would think that wouldn’t you?” Hotch let out a sarcastic laugh, “I’m sorry and I know that’s not enough, but I hope…”

“Bossman, you made mistakes, you know what that makes you?”

“What Garcia?”

“Human. All of us around this table have done something stupid. Hell, I let a madman into my computer system and, and I got shot when a psychopathic cop thought I was investigating him. I didn’t tell you guys until it was too late”. Garcia looked at her boss with a smile.

“And, if you hadn’t pushed me in Chicago I might have gone down for the murder of those kids. Buford might not have ever gone down if I had stayed silent”. Morgan had a sad look come across his face.

“If I hadn’t broken off from JJ, if I had been smarter Hankel wouldn’t have gotten me…”

“Reid, that’s hardly the same thing”. They all looked at Spencer with compassion.

“No, it is. I’ve come to terms with my part in what happened. It was stupid of me to break off, especially at night like that”. They all got quiet thinking about those horrible days that Reid had been held captive by a madman.

“I walked away. I didn’t let the very people that could help me, well, help me. I hurt everyone here and it’s going to be a long time to make amends”. Jason knew in that moment that he wasn’t going to disappear again. These people really had been his friends and he needed to try to make it up to them.

“Look man, are we angry? Yes, are we going to not help you? No, we’re going to help you, but from here on out you and Reid need to be completely honest with us and tell us absolutely everything. Then, we may get to the bottom of what is happening and who is stalking you”. Morgan looked pointedly at the two men he cared about. He really did want to help them and get to the bottom of this mystery.

Reid was looking at his friends, people he didn’t realize till right then how much he cared about them and how much he missed them. He turned to Aaron and made a decision, “If you’re offer is still on the table, I accept. I’ll have to make arrangements at the café, but you’ll need my help”.

The team looked at Aaron, “Strauss gave me a consultant budget and I haven’t found anyone I like for the job. I’ve been holding out hope that Spencer here would take me up on my offer. That is if you guys...”

They didn’t need any prompts, the team all said Yes practically at the same time. This put a smile on Reid’s face and he wondered just what he had been afraid of in the first place.

“Well, kid, looks like you’re back on the team. And about damn time too,” Morgan grinned wide, his enthusiasm at having his little brother back was infectious, even in light of the terrible things that were going on all around them.

“And Reid, if you ever need to talk to anyone about coming back, I know how hard that is, I’m here to help”. Emily looked at Spencer, hoping he would understand.

“Emily, I might just take you up on that,” He smiled at her and all the anger he had at Hotch for lying to him about her death melted away. She would understand why he stayed away and why he had a hard time coming back to them.

“Before we go any further, does anyone want me to step down during this investigation? Morgan or Dave could take over,” No one objected. Whatever their Unit Chief had done they knew he had been running the investigation cleanly. “We'll co-ordinate from here, I really don't want to run into Strauss till we have some answers". Everyone agreed that was the best thing and Dave said that he would run interference with her if it came to that. "Okay, well, we are going to have to start at the beginning. Emily and JJ I think you should interview Dr. Amanda Clemmens, I will call her and let her know that it is okay to discuss my file with you, oh and something that has been bothering me, can you ask her about e-mails that she received from each of the victims? I won’t say more so that I don’t lead you guys, but she should know what you’re talking about. I will go over with Alex and Morgan the details of my involvement with the surrogates. There is one thing that is bothering me though”. He got quiet for a moment. 

“What’s that Hotch?” Morgan asked.

“Alan Parker, I only saw him once, we were working on some immersion therapy…” A dark look crossed his face, he hadn’t realized how hard this was going to be to talk about.

“Hotch, if you want to talk to Alex and I in private about this, that’s fine”. 

“I never touched Alan, so I’m not sure why his body had the same markings, that part doesn’t make sense”.

“You know we’re going to have to add you and Reid to the victimology, right?” Dave reminded him.

Hotch took a deep breath and sighed, “I know Dave”. He didn’t say more, he would wait till they were in private to continue those thoughts. “Reid, are you ready to start now?”

“Anything you need”.

“Thank God, you can take over the Geographic Profile from me, it’s all yours Spence”. A playful look passed between Spencer and JJ and she knew. She knew she had her best friend back. Even though they had a lot to work out, somehow she knew Reid wasn’t going to run away.

“Well, you did say that you were missing you’re maps”. Hotch said dryly and looked over at Spencer with a deadpan expression, and the rest of the table couldn’t stifle the chuckles. Even though they were in the middle of chaos it was good to laugh just a little.

“Garcia, when Emily and JJ have the information on the e-mails try to do a back trace and get as much information as you can. Also, have you found their datebooks yet?”

“No sir, but I will keep digging and when JJ and Emily get me that information I will get right on it”.

“Also, I wanted to ask, how did you guys know where I was?” This had been in the back of his mind, but he hadn’t had any time to ask how the team had found him.

“Well, we got a call on the tip line”. JJ said.

“JJ, we hadn’t set-up a tip line yet, remember? I asked you to hold off on that”. Hotch glared at her.

“I know, and she didn’t. It was the general FBI tip line and it was very specific Hotch, hotel, room number and time but no mention of you”. Dave said, “When we couldn’t find you we didn’t think anything of it, so I made the decision to go ahead and hoped that one of us would get you on the line”.

“Garcia, while you’re searching for the datebooks, can you listen to the call and put it through any filters you can think of?”

“Sure, I’ll need a ride back and I’ll get started on this right away”.

“Dave, take Reid and Garcia with you, re-work the board with everything you now know. We’re going to have to build a profile of a stalker. Also, since Morgan and Alex are going to stay here with me Jason, I need you to go over the effects of the victims and see if there are any more of those notes, and if you find any let me know”.

"Right away Hotch. If there is anything else you need just let me know" Jason was trying his hardest not to take control and Aaron noticed.

Hotch laid a hand on the older man's arm, "Thank you Jason". He gave him a knowing look, a first step towards forgiveness.

They all felt lighter and on a more even keel. They knew their Unit Chief was not completely out of the woods yet, but they would do everything they could to get to the bottom of all this. Even if they didn’t like all the answers, they all knew in their hearts that Aaron Hotchner was innocent.


	13. 2 Months Ago

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The team is finally called in on the case, but Hotch keeps his involvement to himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _While all deception requires secrecy, all secrecy is not meant to deceive_ \- Sissela Bok

Aaron’s phone started buzzing at 5 a.m. He looked down at the display and saw the message from Garcia – _We have a case, looks like a bad one Sir_. Was all it said. 

Spencer stirred beside him as his alarm was going off, time to get up and get ready to go open his cafe.

“Do you have a case?”

“Looks like it. I’ll let you know what’s going on and if I need to leave”. He leaned over and kissed the younger man long and slow, “Mmmm, wish I didn’t have to go”. The familiar pull on his groin was messing greatly with his head this early morning.

Spencer looked up with pleading, bordering on puppy dog eyes, “Spencer, it’s not going to work this morning,” Aaron chuckled.

“Can’t blame me for trying, we could take a shower together, save some time”. The wicked gleam in Spencer’s eye should have told Aaron no, but dammit he wanted Spencer so badly. He swallowed hard, smiled and pulled Spencer into the bathroom with him. After a few minutes they were under the warm spray, using the rich lather from Aaron’s favored soap as an excuse to touch and caress each other. It didn’t take long for Spencer to drop to his knees and reach for Aaron’s fully erect cock. As soon as he felt those lips envelope him Aaron yelled out, “Fuck, Spencer….” Then he just couldn’t say anything more. 

Spencer gently pushed Aaron back against the wall so he could get a better angle. He slid his mouth slowly up and down Aaron’s hard shaft, tonguing the throbbing vein as he went. This action was pulling little moans and groans from his lover’s lips. He reached up to cup Aaron’s heavy balls and pulled and stroked them at the same time, “Spence, goddamn, more, give me more…” Aaron growled in a forceful commanding voice.

Hearing Aaron command him like that was such a major turn on for Spencer and he reached down with his free hand and started to stroke his own hardness. He kept a fast rhythm with both his mouth and his hand. After a few minutes he pulled back and concentrated on just the head. Tongue exploring the slit, and the soft supple flesh of the head. He sucked at the sensitive spot while one of his fingers started to play with Aaron’s perineum. 

“Oh god Spencer, I can’t…I….I…” Spencer knew Aaron was close and quickened the pace of his finger, stimulating Aaron’s prostate and taking all of Aaron’s cock in his mouth at once. Aaron reached down and threaded his fingers in Spencer’s hair lightly pulling at it from the base. This made Spencer purr and the sound went straight to Aaron’s hardness. Aaron held Spencer’s head but didn’t force him, but he couldn’t hold still, he started to buck in and out of that soft sensual mouth. “I’m close, god, Spence….I’m…..I’m…..” And that was all Aaron could say. He came hard in Spencer’s mouth, the warm fluid shot straight down his throat. The sensation was heady and Spencer stroked harder bringing about his own powerful orgasm. After a couple of seconds he pulled back from Aaron’s cock and rested his head on the older man’s thigh for a minute, trying to get his breath back.

Aaron reached down and helped Spencer up off his knees. He pushed the young man back against the shower wall and kissed him long and deep. A groan escaped his lips, his hands wandering all over that slight, lithe frame that was all Spencer.

He pulled back, resting his head on Spencer’s shoulder, “God, you are going to be the death of me yet Dr. Spencer Reid. I love you, god how I love you”.

Spencer reached up and pulled Aaron’s face back to his and returned the kiss. “I love you too Aaron. Now, we need to get ready for work, don’t you think?” Spencer said with a wicked grin.

Aaron just laughed as they finished their shower. They both dried off quickly, got dressed and they both were heading out the door. They kissed before parting for their respective vehicles.

“I’ll call you and let you know if we’ll be out of town or not”. 

“Okay. Have a good one Aaron, and…”

“What?”

“Don’t fucking take any unnecessary chances, okay?” There was an edge to Spencer’s voice that Aaron knew he only used when he was concerned. Aaron paused, walked up to Spencer, took the young man’s mouth with his and said, “Baby, I’ll be okay. I promise I won’t do anything foolish. Alright?”

“Thank you, now go before Garcia get’s all impatient with you”. Spencer smiled and it made Aaron realize just how happy he was at that particular moment.  
__________________________________________________  
“Okay ladies and gentlemen this is a bad one and it’s close to home. Four bodies in the last 3 months have been found at Prince William Forest Park in Triangle Virginia. Dumfries has asked us to come in. All victims are presumed to be high-end prostitutes, three males, Michael Connelly, Brian Jones and Alan Parker and one female, the latest victim Sandra Gomez”. Garcia had put their pictures up on the conference room monitor for everyone to see.

“Garcia, there doesn’t seem to be anything connecting them together why has Dumfries asked us in?” Morgan asked. His brows furrowed as he was looked over the case files.

“Because sweet cheeks, they all have these marks in common”. Garcia pulled up the crime scene photos, “Each victim has extensive bruising and these welts all over their bodies”. 

“Do we know what made those marks?” Asked Hotch, his mind swirling, but he kept his stoic demeanor in place. 

“The ME is still trying to determine that sir”.

“Well victimology suggests that they are random. The only thing they have in common is their possible profession. They don’t look the same, a Hispanic woman, a black male and two white males. Garcia is there any signs of sexual activity?” JJ was scrutinizing the crime scene.

“That is what is weird. All three show no signs of recent sexual activity before they were killed”.

“So maybe the killer was impotent and could only get off during or after the kill. Are we dealing with a sexual sadist?” Alex was studying the picture of each of the victims trying to work out what was going on.

“With a sexual sadist there would be more signs of torture and some indication of sexual violation, I don’t see that here, do we have any type of evidence Garcia?” Hotch said in his usual controlled manner.

“Nope we have no physical evidence, no prints, no DNA, no fibers, no hairs nothing and CST was thorough”. 

“Garcia, what was the cause of death?” Dave asked.

“The ME said that the bruising around the neck suggests they were strangled. They are still trying to determine what was used. It’s too thick for wire, but it doesn’t have the typical pattern that a belt would make”.

Morgan walked up to get a closer look at the larger photos on the monitor, “Looks like some kind of soft fabric, scarf, ribbon or something like that, also strangulation makes it personal to the unsub”.

“That just makes our job all that much harder. Okay, the latest victim was the woman Sandra Gomez. JJ I want you and Morgan to go to the newest crime scene and see what you can find out. Dave and Alex can you go to the ME’s office and see if they have anything for us yet? Garcia, start running down all information you can on the victims. See if they have any online activity, date books, social media anything to help us narrow down our target. Emily, can you go to the earlier dump sites and see if there is anything that was missed. I will head up to the Dumfries police department and start to coordinate with the lead detective. Try to meet me there in about two hours. Okay, let’s head out”. And with that they broke off into their various assignments. Hotch grabbed the case files and his briefcase and headed out the door.

He first made a stop at the café to talk to Spencer. One of his baristas said that her boss was in the back office doing some paperwork. They had all been told that if Aaron ever came in that it was okay to send him back.

Hotch easily found the office and walked in, “Spencer, we have a problem”.  
________________________________________________________________  
After talking with Spencer they agreed to put their “play” on hold. Hotch knew in the back of his mind that he should come clean to his team, but not yet. If they could figure out what was happening before it came to that then he wouldn’t have to reveal his involvement. And, yet, he also knew that if they delved deeply enough the team was going to find out. He wasn’t ready yet, he wanted to have more information before the team had to know anything. He had gotten the board set-up with the victim’s pictures and was saddened. The young men and the woman had become friends to him and whoever did this was making him angry. 

Emily walked in and broke Hotch out of his revere “So, I went over the two previous dump sites and there was nothing else I could find. It’s almost as if the scenes were wiped completely clean. There wasn’t even a shoe print anywhere. I did, however find this stud earring. It may not be anything, but I bagged and tagged it anyway”. Prentiss held up what she found.

“That’s good, Prentiss, get it over to Garcia and see if maybe they can get some DNA off of it”.

Just then Dave and Alex also came in, “Hotch, the ME said that there was also some blunt force trauma. They were hit from behind. She said it looks like something circular, like maybe a bat or some kind of rod. She wants to do some more testing before she comes to any conclusion”. Alex gave her report and Hotch updated the notes on the board.

Dave spoke up just then, “The ME went over the wounds with us and said that the bruising and the marks weren’t deep enough to actually cause any real damage. She said that it looked as if the victims were involved in some kind of sexual fantasy play. She said she’s seen these kinds of injuries before on people involved in S &M style pain play, the only weird thing is that on most of the victims the wounds were peri-mortem, it’s the victim Alan Parker that had the wounds post-mortem and we’re not sure what to make of that”.

Morgan and JJ were also back and while Morgan was listening “This reminds me of a couple of cases back when I was at Chicago PD. Two men had been brought in, separately at different times, on involuntary manslaughter charges. They had been engaging in some choking fantasies at a local S&M club. With the marks on the bodies and this type of strangulation I think these people were into some kind of fantasy play”. Hotch looked at Morgan and thought _dammit, I have to be careful here._

“That’s good, see if Garcia has anything on that with the victims”. Morgan nodded, walked away to call Garcia and see if she could find any correlation to the victims and S &M.

“Hotch the current dump site was clean. We couldn’t find anything. Whoever this is knows forensic counter-measures. There were no footprints, no fibers, nothing”. Hotch looked back at all of the information they had gathered and realized they were nowhere. 

“So, we need to try to figure out where they were killed. JJ do you think you could start on the geographic profile? “

She looked at Hotch, “I can start, this is one time I wish Spencer was still with us”. She looked saddened when she mentioned Spencer’s name. Hotch wanted to tell the team that he was back, but Spencer said he wasn’t ready to see them yet. Dave gave Hotch a knowing look, but he just shook his head. Dave sighed and knew that Hotch wasn’t going to say anything, so he kept his mouth shut. He promised he would keep it to himself, but also thought how much Reid could help them on this case. 

“I know JJ, but as far as I know he cut all ties. Let’s just get this going and see what we’ve got. You worked with him the closest, and you’ve done it before, so I trust you to do a good job on it”. JJ smiled at the compliment but knew that no one on the team was better at this than Spencer, but she also knew that her friend wasn’t coming back.

“Okay Hotch, I’ll do my best”.

“That’s all I’m asking JJ”. He stayed there and helped her pin the places that they knew the victims lived and worked at. They pinned up each dump site and mapped out a rough area to start. Just then Morgan’s phone rang.

“Talk to me baby girl, what have you got?”

“Oh sugar give me more time and I’ll tell you all about what I’ve got”.

“The case, you crazy woman, the case, what have you got on the case, and I’m putting you on speaker so you behave” Morgan teased back.

Garcia laughed, “Oh you are no fun. Anyway, I found out that all four victims were actually grad students Michael and Sandra were both psychology grad students at Georgetown University, Brian was at Stratford and Alan was taking on-line classes from Strayer. They were all working on their masters, specializing in, get this….sexual deviancy and abnormalities as well as the psychology of sex. I haven’t been able to find any type of date books or anything of that sort as of yet, but I will keep digging”.

“Good work Garcia, let us know when you get anything more”. Hotch hung up and updated the board.

“So, were they doing research into sexual sadism as part of their graduate work?” JJ asked.

Alex was looking at the board when she said, “S&M isn’t about sexual sadism. It’s a power exchange play in most of these types of relationships, with trust being the utmost important factor. Maybe they were trying to understand the dynamics of the Dom/sub culture. It’s a fascinating type of power exchange and there are different levels to it. Not all Dom/sub couples engage in pain play, sometimes it’s command play, sometimes humiliation play, and then there are the sub-sub cultures like pony play. We need to find out what they were researching”. 

They all turned to Alex with raised brows and baffled expressions, “What? It’s something I’ve been studying and it’s a fascinating subculture. Most Dom/sub’s have a very deep trust bond and I’ve been interested to learn more about that culture”.

“You are a woman of many depths Alex Blake. Well, you’re insights will probably be able to help us with this then. I’ll go with you to Stratford and speak with Brian’s professors, see if they know what he was working on. Morgan and Dave, can you go to Georgetown and speak with Sandra and Michael’s professors then get with Alex and see if there is any overlap, maybe they came across one another ”.

“You got it Hotch”. Morgan and Dave left to go speak with the Georgetown professors while Alex waited for Hotch.

Hotch picked up his phone and called the tech analyst, “Garcia, you there?”

“Yes my liege?”

“Can you get a hold of Alan’s professors at Strayer? See what his on-line schedule was and what it was he was working on. If they give you any pressure about warrants let me know”.

“You got it bossman. Garcia out”.

“JJ, keep at this try to piece together their movements as best as you can”.

Emily looked at Hotch, “What do you want me to do?”

“For now, until we get more, help JJ”. And with that he turned to Alex and they left to go speak with the professors. Outwardly Hotch kept up his normal cool and stoic demeanor, inside though there was a war going on when he should come clean with the team. He didn’t feel like it was the right time so he kept everything to himself for the time being.


	14. Hotch's Deepest Secrets Revealed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hotch reveals just what it was he was doing with the surrogates to Morgan and Alex. The group brings everything to Rossi's house, staying away from the prying eyes of Strauss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Every man has his secret sorrows which the world knows not: and often times we call a man cold when he is only sad._ -Heny Wadsworth Longfellow

Alex and Morgan stayed behind as requested as the rest of the team went about their various tasks. Dave had taken his dog Mudgie out to his run so that they wouldn’t be disturbed.

“Why don’t we use Rossi’s study. It’ll be more comfortable. Did you bring the DVD’s and the notes Morgan?”

Morgan grabbed his bag and said, “They’re right here Hotch”. 

“Well, I guess I can’t put this off any longer. Come on”. He led them to the study and sat behind the desk while Alex and Morgan took the chairs in front. “Alex, first of all, can you look at the notes and compare them to the last one?”

“Sure, do you want to tell me who wrote them?”

“Spencer”.

She put on a pair of gloves took a magnifying glass and a jeweler’s loop out of her bag and carefully went over each of the notes. It took her some time, but both men were patient. They didn’t want any mistakes made. After a while she said, “This last note is a forgery. I know Spencer’s handwriting, and I have a sample in my bag from a letter he wrote me last year. These six are definitely his. But look here, the way that your name is written on the envelope, while close, is not Spencer’s. Compare the Aaron on these letters, to the Aaron written here, the A’s are slanted differently. There’s more, but I can say without a doubt that this last letter was not written by Spencer”.

“I didn’t see it, dammit I am losing it..”

“Hotch, stop. You’re not losing it. Look at them together and you’ll see it,” Hotch nodded his head, “Now look at them separately. Do you see?”

“Taken separately they all look like the same hand. Only when I put them all together do I see it”.

“Exactly, it was good enough that if you didn’t put it next to the real thing you would be fooled and I think that was the idea, and I think it was written by a woman”.

“What do you mean? A woman? What woman would be doing this?”

“Most men when they write, even those that have nicer writing tend to be more angular and stilted in their writing, woman tend to round out letters like a’s and l’s. See   
here?” She showed him through the jewelers loop the difference in the writing styles. “This is almost textbook female, and I bet if I compare it to the note left last night it will be the same writing”.

“But why write, why not use a computer? They’ve gone to great lengths to cover their tracks using forensic counter-measures, what changed?” Morgan asked.

“Because she wants me to know who she is, she wants me to find her so she can what? Act out some kind of revenge fantasy?”

Morgan looked at Hotch a moment, “Let’s not get ahead of ourselves and start building a profile yet. You know as well as I do that stalker’s are the hardest to profile. Their fantasies are as varied as they are individual. Let’s look at all the evidence first. Hotch, what are these?”

He took a deep breath, looked at his friends and colleagues and powered on, “They are videos of the first sessions with the surrogates. Dr. Clemmens and I were using them as tools in my therapy”. 

“Hotch, you know we need to look at these, don’t you?” Morgan looked directly at his Unit Chief.

“I know”. He said resignedly while he slipped in the one of the first session. Alex and Morgan watched and were taken aback by what they saw. He was dressed much like the evening before, khaki’s, no shirt or shoes, black mask. They heard a voice that was coaching him, guiding him on what to do. After about forty-five minutes of Hotch using various whips and paddles on his partner, the voice stopped the session. 

Alex paused the video, “Aaron, who’s the voice that is out of the shot of the camera? And who is the person on the bed?”

“That would be Dr. Clemmens speaking. She has been helping in my…therapy...The young man was one of her Sex Therapy interns. That’s Michael, the first victim,” He went ahead and continued the video. The young man that was working as the surrogate was let up from the bed. The two men had awkwardly hugged and Michael moved out of the shot. They sat watching the question and answer session between Aaron and the Doctor. Both Alex and Morgan wanted to look down and away when Aaron had broken down and they witnessed his raw emotional release.

“Aaron…” Alex didn’t know what to say. She was beginning to understand why Hotch didn’t want to share these. She had a feeling that each video would contain something similar.

“Hotch, I’m sorry. Man, if we didn’t have to…”

Hotch laid a hand on both of theirs, “I understand. It’s okay, well, its not really okay, but I understand you have to do this, and these need to be logged into evidence as well.”

Morgan swallowed hard as they sat through the next 3 videos. The second one the collar was added. When Alex asked about that, Hotch said it was part of the fantasy play. It was much the same, but more. They noticed when Hotch stopped using the toys and started using just his hands. Again, the sessions lasted about forty-five minutes, and again a question and answer portion with the Dr. There was an uncomfortable silence as they witnessed the raw emotions coming from their leader. No one on the team, other than after the attack on his family, had seen Aaron breakdown like that. After the last video played out the three were silent.

It was Hotch who finally broke the silence, “If you’re going to ask me questions, you should do it now”. His stoic mask slipped into place and they saw the customary frown as well.

“Hotch, again I’m sorry. I know this was deeply personal. I didn’t know, and I feel…” Alex looked-up and tried to meet Hotch’s eyes but couldn’t.

“Feel what Alex?” Hotch wanted to know what she and Morgan were thinking.

“I feel like we violated something here”. She was having trouble putting into words just what she was feeling.

“Hotch, I promise you, no one else will need to see these, I don’t care what happens. Alex is right, this was deeply personal and I’m so sorry man”.

“I know Morgan, but I put myself in this position, you don’t have to be sorry. Now, ask your questions”. He was trying to put both Alex and Morgan at ease, even though they were all feeling uncomfortable.

“You said earlier that the third victim, Alan Parker, you were engaged in a different form of therapy. What was that about?” Alex waited patiently for Hotch to respond. Instead of looking at her, he turned to Morgan.

“It was about the first Foyet attack”.

Realization dawned on Morgan as he stared back at Hotch, “What was it Hotch?”

Alex looked to Morgan and Hotch, she’d only heard about Foyet’s attack on his family, but no one had talked about this.

“Aaron, what happened?”

“Alex…” Morgan wanted to stop her, he knew how painful this was for Hotch and now he was having to relive it.

“It’s okay Derek,” Hotch looked at Morgan telling his second-in-command that it was okay. “Have you read about the Pig Farm case in Canada?”

Alex looked confused, she wasn’t sure where this was going, but she decided to play along, “I read the reports, somehow I’m glad I wasn’t there”.

“I don’t think any of us has truly gotten over what happened there”. He looked over at Morgan and saw the conflicting emotions come over his face. Hotch was right, it was the one case they didn’t ever talk about. No one had processed what happened there. “Anyway we got back late, I was tired and not paying attention. Foyet attacked me from behind, we fought but he got the upper hand. I blacked out, but came to a few hours later. Foyet, he ah, he had stabbed me nine times. He mimicked his own self-injuries on me. He then drove me to the nearest hospital and basically dumped me there”. He suddenly got up from the chair that famous Hotchner glare slipped into place, almost like a mask or defense shield. He was pacing, trying to form the words he needed to say.

“It’s not something I talk about. Spencer is the only one that I’ve ever discussed it with. A couple of months ago we were getting…intimate, he…” Hotch swallowed hard, finding it hard to talk about this with his friends. They waited patiently for him to continue, “He had tied my hands, my eyes were closed then he lowered on top of me…”

Morgan realized what it was that Hotch was trying to say, “You panicked?”

Hotch looked over at Morgan, grateful that the man understood, “Yes. I panicked. Spencer suggested that I talk to the Doctor about it. He made the observation that what happened to me was a type of…” He couldn’t bring himself to say it. A part of him knew it was true, that what he went through was a physical violation of his body but he couldn’t say the word.

Again, it was Morgan who put the pieces together. “Aaron,” He got up and walked to his boss and stopped him mid-stride, “Did you not go to counseling after the initial attack?”

“No. We were in the middle of trying to stop a madman from getting to my family. After we captured Foyet the first time I pushed Reid away, made him move because If Foyet had known…”

“Spencer would have been in danger also”. Alex finished for him.

“Yes. It was difficult, especially when I knew he had gotten shot in the leg trying to protect that Doctor. I wanted to tell you guys about us, about Jack, but Spencer, he ah, he thought it best not to say anything at the time. You were worried enough about me, he didn’t want to put you, Morgan in the position of having to worry about the both of us, especially when I made you acting unit chief”.

“You guys do know that I would have done anything to help. None of us would have thought any less of either of you”.

“I know Morgan, but it was a difficult situation. Anyway,” Hotch didn’t want to talk about those days and Morgan and Alex understood. “I told Dr. Clemmens about the panic attack and she suggested Immersion Therapy”. He laughed for a moment and looked at Morgan, “You know what went through my mind first off don’t you?”

“What?” Morgan was trying to figure out what Hotch was talking about then it dawned on him, “Dr. Howard. Yeah, I can see where that would put you off. But you must have tried it anyway?”

“Yes, but all that happened was Dr. Clemmens showed me the technique and wanted me to work on it with Spence. Nothing happened with Alan other than…” Hotch sat down again and closed his eyes.

“Than what Hotch?”

Hotch took a deep breath, “All he did was sort of…” He swallowed hard and he realized in that moment just how difficult it was for some of the people they interviewed. He was part of the victimology now and he understood the questions they had to ask but it didn’t mean it made it easier. In that moment it made him appreciate even more the depth of compassion his team showed with victims and survivors. “He sort of just laid half on top of me. The Dr. wanted me to ride out the panic attack. It was just the one time, and not even a full session”.

“Okay, let’s go back to the letters for a moment. Can you tell me about that?” Hotch was visibly grateful to Moran for moving onto a different topic.

Hotch sighed, “That part of my, our…therapy was driven by Spencer. He would make the appointments when I was the most frustrated, agitated, I don’t know, you know Reid, he can read people even when they don’t want to be read. He always knew, though”.

“When you needed the emotional release?” Alex asked gently.

“Yes. We made it kind of a game”.

“But you never engaged in any sexual activity with any of these surrogates?”

“No, never. That was only for..” He frowned and looked down at the richly decorated mahogany desk of Rossi’s, trying to not sound like a victim, but knowing that he was made him angry. Angry that this most personal part of his life was being dug into and torn apart, he knew it couldn’t be helped, but he didn’t have to like it. He looked back up at Morgan for a minute and finally said, “Spencer”, but it came out almost like a whisper.

Alex and Morgan were trying their hardest to hide what they were feeling. They each knew that Hotch didn’t need to know how uncomfortable they were asking these   
questions. “Okay, so when we finally got called into Dumfries, why didn’t you guys stop this?”

“We did. I went to see Spencer that day that we got the case and we agreed to stop the additional sessions”.

“And what happened?” Hotch knew that Alex was asking why he was engaged in one of these sessions the evening before.

“It had been a few frustrating weeks. No leads, no trace evidence nothing”. Hotch chuckled slightly, “I was frustrating Spencer with my own frustrations. I figured that when I got that letter yesterday….god, was it only yesterday?” He looked at Morgan for confirmation that only a day had passed since his team finding him in the hotel room.

Morgan just raised his brows, shook his head and powered on with his questions. “JJ came to me after she gave you that letter. She said you seemed like you were anticipating it. Had Spencer ever sent one to you at headquarters before?” 

“No. It would usually be in my briefcase or it would be waiting for me at the café with my coffee”.

“So, if this was different, why’d you go through with it? Especially since we were in the middle of an investigation?”

Hotch took a deep breath, this was the question he had been dreading all along, the why of it all. If he hadn’t gone then the nightmare of the last day could have been avoided. “Because Alex, it became…addicting”.

Just as Alex and Morgan were going to ask more questions they heard Jason come in calling for Hotch.

“We’re in here Jason”.

“I don’t know how these were missed, but you should see these. Hotch, all of this has been directed at you”. Jason threw the newly found letters on Rossi’s desk. They were bagged up in evidence bags, but Alex was the first one to pick them up. She pulled out some fresh gloves, unsealed the bags and pulled out the quarter sheet sized letters to examine them. After about 20 minutes she spoke-up.

“I can definitely say that these are a match to that last letter you received”. 

They examined them one by one. Each letter being a taunt directed specifically at Hotch.  
 _Aaron,_  
The first is never easy, of course who said this was my first. Come on catch me if you can.   
Your friend.

He read through the rest, they were all similar in tone. All taunts directed at Hotch. He looked-up at Jason, “Why weren’t these found before?”

“They were pretty cleverly hidden. Whoever this is knows us, knows that we will look everywhere. They also have an understanding how the LEO’s work and that they don’t always catch everything. One was in a wallet, one was stuffed in the heel of a man’s shoe, one was found in a woman’s compact. Not places regular law enforcement would look”.

“Alex, get these over to Garcia, see if she can run the handwriting through her system”.

“What are you saying Hotch? That this person is one of us?”

“I don’t know Alex, I am starting to have a suspicion of who it might be, but I don’t want to jump to any conclusions. Let’s get the handwriting analyzed and wait for Garcia   
to get back to us on the voice analysis”. Hotch’s mind was working overtime and one name popped into his head. He hoped what he was thinking wasn’t true.

Reid came back with a few boxes and he had Morgan and Jason help him bring in a couple of case boards. “I figured since we are going to co-ordinate from here I would bring everything over and we set-up here. I already called Dave and he said he was okay with that”. Reid got to work on setting up one board with a map and started working on the geographic profile while Hotch, Morgan and Jason delved in the boxes and set-up the pictures and notes related to each of the victims. It was strange for him to put his and Reid’s pictures up as well and make the relevant case notes.

“That is seriously disturbing,” Reid said as he looked over at the board.

“Well, you and Hotch got yourselves into this pretty boy, what’d you think was going to happen?”

“I don’t know Morgan, people dying and our apartment being destroyed was NOT part of the plan”. He said rather angrily.

“Hey, look I’m sorry Reid. I know none of this can be easy for either of you. Are you going to be okay?”

“Yeah, I’ll be okay when we catch whoever the hell is doing this. So, I’ve isolated the areas where the victims went to school, Dr. Clemmens office, the hotels that you met them at Aaron, and where they lived. Here are the dump sites as well. As you can see there are two major areas that he unsub is working in and here is the overlap. It’s about a 15 mile radius. Our unsub might be either living in this 15 mile over lap or….” Reid took a deep breath. He didn’t want to voice his fear, but it was Morgan who broke Reid out of his thoughts.

“What is it kid?”

“I was just thinking that if this is someone who knows us and knows Hotch then they could be anywhere. They may not be in any of these areas”. He stated as he pointed out the areas that had been isolated by the geographic profile.

“Well, damn”.


	15. 1 Month Ago

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aaron helps Spencer overcome his fear of blindfolds. Spencer finally deals with the loss of Jack and both men find healing comfort in each other. Dave tries to get Aaron to tell the team about Spencer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Love on another and help others to rise to the higher levels, simply by pouring out love. Love is infectious and the greatest healing energy._ \- Sai Baba
> 
> Sorry for the late update, I had a bit of a writers block. Finally broke through so hoping to have more regular updates over the next couple of weeks.

Aaron was frustrated with the way the case was going. He knew that he needed to let the team know about his involvement, but he wasn’t sure how. It also meant that they would have to know that Spencer was back. So, when he got home that evening he was frustrated, agitated and antsy and the only thing that could help him release all of the pent-up anxiety was the man sitting on his couch reading. 

Aaron quietly put his briefcase down and pulled out of it a blindfold. Now he knew this might be tricky because of Spencer’s past experience with blindfolds and bullies from his high school, but he was willing, no needing to risk it. 

“Hello Spencer,” He said breathlessly in his lover’s ear as he settled the blindfold over the young man’s eyes. Spencer stiffened as memories from his high school flooded his mind. “Shhh, relax Spencer, I promise to make this fun. I want to erase those bad memories for you and give you good ones”. The sexy soothing voice of Aaron’s helped Spencer to relax. And it got better when Aaron leaned over his shoulder and sucked at that sensitive spot just behind his ear. The older man then started to slowly lick and bite his lover’s ear making Spencer moan deeply. 

When it suddenly stopped and he didn’t know where Aaron went he started to lift his hand to take off the blindfold, “Un uh, leave it on”. Spencer swallowed hard and waited to find out what Aaron was going to do next. He felt hands begin to remove his clothes and when he tried to help, his hands were slapped away. It had only taken a few minutes for Aaron to get the man naked. He started slowly caressing Reid starting with his ankles, hands wandered and touched everywhere. He used his nails to leave long trails down both legs. Reid’s voice hitched at the feeling of those nails digging into his flesh and marking him. 

Aaron followed this with his tongue, slowly licking and nipping his way up Spencer’s milky white skin. He paid particular attention to the inside of his lover’s thighs, mouth and tongue just at the edges of the younger man’s straining cock. He was moving his hips trying to encourage Aaron, but the older man slapped his thigh hard, effectively telling him to quit moving. 

Suddenly Hotch got up and Spencer was left alone. He started to get worried when Aaron didn’t come back right away when all of a sudden he felt something cold being swirled around on his nipples. His voice caught in his throat when Aaron’s mouth descended on his right nipple biting and nipping at it to get it hard, while the cold was applied to his left. Again the ice, for that was the only thing that Spencer thought it could be, was being swirled across his skin leaving his skin feeling slightly numb and cold. After a few of minutes of this, he felt a soft cloth drying him off, but he could still feel the cold. His mind was reeling and his breath was shallow, but he wasn’t given anytime to process when he felt something hot slowly flow over the areas of cold. “Oh Fuck,” he cried out. The sensation of the hot wax, for surely that’s what it was, on top of the cold was slightly painful, but also intoxicating. 

Aaron was slowly applying the dual sensations of hot and cold all down Spencer’s body and at one point the young man thought he was going to come just from the incredible feeling. When Aaron’s lips descended on his he thought he was going to lose his mind right then and there. Aaron teased his mouth open and explored the inside demanding the feel of the young man’s tongue. They played for dominance and when Aaron ripped off a strip of the wax he felt Spencer’s cry against his lips. 

“God, I love to hear you scream like that Spencer. Do it for me again?” And he did, as Aaron ripped another patch of wax off his lover’s body. By the time Aaron was done Spencer was writhing and panting with need, skin red in those areas of where the wax was pulled from, “So, beautiful” Aaron said almost breathlessly. Aaron pulled him up off the couch and carefully led him into the bedroom, never letting Spencer take off the blindfold.

Aaron had a warm cloth that he used to get rid of any residual wax as he pushed the former agent down on the bed and continued his assault on Spencer, ravishing his body with teeth, tongue and nails. Spencer never knew where Aaron was, or what he was doing, he only felt, and the feelings were driving him crazy, fueling his need to feel Aaron. 

Again, Aaron left him alone for a short time and when he finally came back the young man felt warm oil being applied all over. Hands were kneading his legs, digging hard into the muscles pulling sensual noises out of Spencer from deep within. The hands didn’t stop, they moved to his hip as he felt the older man straddle him, their erections making contact. Spencer flinched involuntarily at the contact as he was about ready to burst. Strong hands kept up the kneading across his hips and they made their way up his stomach and down each arm. Aaron again assaulted Spencer’s mouth taking, biting, letting tongue and teeth war for control. When Spencer lifted his arms to feel the flesh on top, Aaron grabbed his wrists and held him down while slowly moving his hips so his erection never left Spencer’s. 

“Aa…Aa…Aaron, I don’t…I can’t…” Spencer was finding it hard to talk as his whole body was on fire.

Aaron leaned down and whispered in his young lover’s ear, “Can’t want Spence?”

“I can’t…I can’t take it…I need, need you please…please,” Spencer begged.

Aaron breathed in deeply next to Spencer’s ear, “I like when you beg me Spencer, beg me more, then I may give you what you want, but you have to tell me exactly…what…you…want”. Each word was spoken like a command.

Whimpering Spencer couldn’t see Aaron’s face so he couldn’t see the fire in his lover’s eyes. He choked on a breath and did what Aaron wanted, begged. “Please, I want you…I want you inside me…I need you inside me Aaron”.

Aaron didn’t need any more encouragement, he had already been preparing his lover and he easily slipped in. Aaron moaned as he felt Spencer’s heat slowly envelope him. “So pretty,” He thrust deep inside and Spencer cried out to which Aaron said, “So pretty when you beg”. Aaron hitched Spencer’s legs up around his waist and he started thrusting deep and hard. Hands wrapped around Spencer’s waist, roughly holding the man in place. He wasn’t slow and he wasn’t gentle, he rode Spencer hard and fast. He took one hand off the younger man’s waist and started stroking the hard cock bouncing between them. It didn’t take long for Spencer to cry out as he came hard in Aaron’s hand. Aaron felt Spencer’s muscles clamp down and his own release wasn’t far behind. He cried out Spencer’s name as the orgasm ripped right though him and he came deep inside his lover. A couple of more thrusts and he fell beside Spencer completely spent. He pulled the young man to him taking the blindfold off and kissing him deeply.

After a couple of minutes he got his breath back, looked down and asked, “Are you okay Spencer?” Aaron always made sure that his lover was cared for after his sometimes more than rough treatment.

Spencer was always grateful that Aaron wanted to make sure he was okay, “Hmmm, yes, yes I am. Aaron?” 

“Yes?”

“You made good on your promise. I’ll never be afraid of blindfolds again”. Spencer said playfully.

“Good”. Aaron encouraged Spencer to get on top, they had been working on this and Aaron felt it was time to feel his lover fully on top of him.

“Are you sure Aaron?”

“Just kiss me Spencer”. And he did. In fact they spent quite some time kissing each other.

After a few minutes Aaron broke the contact, “Spencer”

“Yes Aaron?”

He looked at Spencer with a playful glint in his eye, “I think we need to clean up, don’t you?”

Spencer laughed as he got up and went to take a shower. Aaron closed his eyes and relaxed back on the bed. He let his mind wander and thought about the last few months and how this was the happiest he’d been in a long time. Even though the case wasn’t going anywhere, and he was frustrated, having Spencer back in his life was definitely the best thing that had happened in the last two years. 

After Spencer got out, he went and cleaned up himself. After showering and changing into comfortable clothes he went in search of his lover. And when he found him in Jack’s room, sitting on the bed, holding the clay mold that Jack had made for them when he was four he tried not to let the tears show.

“I’m sorry Aaron,” He said quietly with eyes too bright filled with unshed tears.

“Spencer, what are you sorry for?” Aaron asked quietly and with compassion in his voice. He walked in and kneeled in front of Spencer, placing his hand on the young man’s thigh.

“We tried to get there, Morgan was hurrying and I couldn’t…couldn’t do anything. I was so paralyzed when I heard…” He couldn’t continue, he held the precious mold to his chest bowed his head and let the tears fall. This was the first time they actually tried to talk about Jack, but the pain was still so fresh, even after two years, and his time in therapy nothing had helped him overcome this loss. In the recent past every time he was at Aaron’s he passed by Jacks bedroom door, but always refused to enter. He would stop in front of it and place a hand on the hanging name plate they had bought at a little craft fair they had passed one day while they were out together as a family. It was Jack who had picked it out and he was so excited that his Dad’s had gotten the quirky colorful sign.

Aaron was having trouble keeping his emotions in check, but it wouldn’t help Spencer if he lost it at this moment. He reached up and gently wiped the tears away.

“Spencer, there was nothing you could’ve done. We both have to stop blaming ourselves. A mad man tried to destroy me, us and he succeeded Spencer. Losing them destroyed us, but we’re stronger now”. He grabbed the mold and gently tugged it out of Spencer’s hand, put it back on the stand and pulled the young man out of the bedroom.

“Spencer,” Aaron pulled his partner into his arms and held on while he cried. Spencer hadn’t let himself cry since the funerals, he had held everything inside. Something about tonight had let him finally open up the emotional floodgate. “It’s okay love, its okay, let it out, you’ve been holding onto this for too long”. Aaron kept whispering soft words to him, encouraging him to finally let it all out. After a few minutes he felt when Spencer had calmed down. He pulled back and took Spencer’s face in his hands and gently kissed him. “There was nothing you could’ve done”.

“I know Aaron, I know, but I still feel like I failed, and I know statistically it was impossible for me to get there any faster even with Morgan driving as fast as he was because Foyet was already there in our home. I know there was nothing I could’ve done and yet I still feel responsible”.

“I know Spencer, but you’re not and, it took me a long time to understand, I wasn’t either. Spencer we have to let go, we have to let him go”.

“I know Aaron, and I’m trying my sessions with Dr. Mathis are helping. It’s just, that’s the first time I’ve had the courage to go into his room and I remembered when I bought those Spiderman sheets for him. Remember? He couldn’t go to sleep that night...” He held back the tears because he didn’t want to cry again, “Unless we put them on”.

Aaron smiled at the memory, “Yes, I remember. Come on Spencer, come away from the door. Let’s get some dinner, maybe I’ll even let you talk me into a Star Trek or Doctor Who marathon”. Aaron wiped away the last of the fallen tears on Spencer’s face.

He frowned at Aaron, “But I don’t have any of those here”.

Aaron quirked up his brow, “Are you sure? I thought I saw some in the television case”.

Spencer narrowed his eyes and walked over to the case and saw brand new copies of the original Star Trek series alongside a whole slew of Doctor Who as well as Firefly, Blakes 7 and others. Spencer laughed and shook his head.

“You didn’t have to do this Aaron”.

“I know, I didn’t, but I wanted to”.

Spencer laughed and it felt good. It had felt good to release all that pain he was holding onto. He knew it would still be a long time before he truly let go, but this was a start.

He picked up one of the Star Trek episodes and, to get his mind off of Jack, started rambling random facts on the behind the scenes of the show, “Did you know that the famous interracial kiss in the season three episode 10 “Plato’s Stepchildren,” was originally supposed to be between Uhura and Spock? But William Shatner’s ego was so big at the time that he demanded to be the one involved in the infamous kiss…” Aaron was leaning against the kitchen counter, smiling just listening to the young genius ramble on. 

Spencer smiled crookedly, “I know, I’m rambling…”

“It’s charming. And believe me Spencer I didn’t always want to cut you off, I liked listening to you”.

“You did, you do?” Spencer remembered back to their first real date just a few short months ago when Aaron essentially told him the same thing.

Aaron walked over and kneeled next to the genius, stroked a hand on his face and said, “I do. I love everything about you Spencer. I want to ask you something”.

Spencer frowned at the sudden seriousness, “What?”

“Will you move back in with me Spencer? You’re practically here all the time anyway, but I miss you when you’re not here. I want this to be your home too”.

Spencer didn’t know what to say at first. Sure he was there practically all the time and it almost felt like they were living together so it didn’t take too long for him to process that was exactly what he wanted to do. 

“Yes, yes Aaron I will officially move back in,” He took Aaron off guard as he launched himself into his lover’s arms.

A short couple of weeks later and they were moving most of what they could into Aaron’s apartment. They knew that eventually they needed something bigger, but for now this would do.   
_______________________________________________________________________  
Hotch was going over the case files again for the 100th time. He was in the conference room with all of them spread out. It saddened him again to know these young men and woman who had helped him were dead. He also knew he needed to speak with Dr. Clemmens to let her know just what was going on. He hadn’t noticed when Dave had come into the room.

“Aaron, it’s not going to get any better you staring at those files again and again”.

Hotch turned his head to look at his friend, “I know Dave, but there’s just something. Something we are missing”.

“Yeah, it’s a certain young genius who doesn’t want to make an appearance”. Dave sarcastically shot back at Hotch.

Hotch glared at his friend, “Dave, He’ll tell everyone when he’s ready. We’re barely dealing with…” Hotch closed his eyes. He did not want to think about Jack, not right now.

“Barely dealing with what Aaron?” Dave frowned, compassion filling his voice because he thought he knew but he tried not to push.

Hotch sighed, “Barely dealing with living together without our son”. There he said it.

“So, he moved back in with you. Good. Even though this case has been more than frustrating, you’ve been happier than I’ve seen you in a long time. Everyone has noticed, but they’ve been too afraid to ask. They care Aaron and they would be happy for you”.

“I know Dave, but you know Reid, push him too much and he retreats. Remember how hard it was for Emily? Just think of what we’ve been through, this hasn’t been easy Dave”.

Dave got up and patted Aarons shoulder, “I know Aaron, I know. Do you want my help here? Maybe we can bounce some ideas off of each other?”

“No, you go on home, I’m just going to make some notes and I’ll try to put it away for tonight”.

“Well, don’t stay too late, get home to that certain genius Aaron”. Dave walked away whistling, dreaming of a certain bottle of scotch waiting for him.

He just had one phone call to make, then he was going to head home.

“Hello, Dr. Clemmens? We need to talk”. Aaron set-up a time for him to go in and tell her exactly what was going on. He still pondered how he was going to tell his team about his involvement and Spencer’s return, but he again put that on hold till he could talk to his lover.


	16. It's All Coming Together

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer has a short talk with JJ, Hotch confronts Gideon. Garcia has some news that will shock some of the members of the team. Will they be able to handle what she has to say?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _The betrayl of trust carries a heavy taboo_ Aldrich Ames
> 
>  
> 
> Sorry guys that this took so long, was having some writers block. I hope you end up liking this chapter. Also I have bits and parts sketched out for a sequel where Hotch and Spencer deal with the information they found out about Hotch's father. If you'd like to see that or a prequel on how they got together, how they lived with Haley and how they kept it all secret, let me know and I can plan for both.

Present Day

Emily and JJ walked into the house and saw the case board’s set-up and the information for Hotch and Reid had been added. 

“I just don’t get it Emily. Why didn’t Spence want to tell us he was back? We’ve missed him, I’ve missed him”.

Emily sighed, “JJ, remember how hard it was for me? Reid lost a child and a friend. How do you think you would be if, god forbid, something happened to Henry?”

“You’re right Em. I just wished we had known, I wished I could have helped him”.

Spencer walked in about that time and said, “You can help now JJ,” Reid said tentatively. He knew she was hurt and he hadn’t meant to be the one to hurt her. Her face softened and she went over and did what she had wanted to the evening before. She gathered him in her arms and held him.

“Spence, I’m so sorry. I should have pushed more when you didn’t want to see me…”

He pulled back, eyes shining, “I didn’t want you to be disappointed…” He still felt shame and guilt for his relapse. However those feelings were fading over time.

JJ looked at him for the first time in almost 2 years and saw the warring emotions of deep sadness mixed with happiness. “Spence, I wasn’t disappointed, I just didn’t understand. I can’t say that I would know what to do if it was Henry. God Spence, why did you keep it secret for so long?”

“It’s like Hotch said, he was my assigned TO and it could have ended both our careers. It just got easier to keep it secret and harder to tell you guys the truth. Then Georgia…” He frowned and hung his head. It was true that he came to terms with what happened, but it didn’t mean that it didn’t still affect him. “Hotch had to keep that to himself also. JJ, I don’t think…” He got quiet and looked in her eyes and couldn’t continue.

“Don’t think what Spence?”

“I don’t think I would have made it without Aaron. He risked everything for me during that time. Then when Gideon left…I almost…”

She lay a hand on his arm “You know you’re going to have to explain things to Henry. He’s rather upset that you’ve been gone. I’m not going to do that for you Spence. He  
misses you and he’s a little angry at you”. She wanted to steer the conversation away from Spencer’s addiction. It wasn’t that she didn’t want him to open up but she saw that it was hurting him.

“I know Jayje, but let’s get through this then I’ll try to talk to Henry and honestly I’ve missed him too. But it was difficult seeing you with him knowing I’d never…” By sheer will he held back the tears that wanted to escape, “Knowing I’d never hold Jack again”. He stood there a moment then fled the room.

Just then Aaron walked in, “Jayje? What happened?” His eyes tracked Spencer as he fled the room.

“I’m sorry Hotch, he was talking opening up and I talked about how Henry was missing him and that brought up…”

Aaron put a hand on her arm, “It’s okay Jayje, I understand. Now, did you get anything from Dr. Clemmens?”

Jayje was about to say something when Emily put a hand on her arm and shook her head, “She told us what she could. She didn’t want to break your confidentiality, even with your permission. However she did give us the information on the e-mails and we had her send all of that to Garcia”.

Just then Hotch’s phone rang, “Garcia, what have you got?”

“Oh boy, I have a lot of information for you guys, do you want me to come there? It might be easier to get it all out at once. I can grab my stuff and be there in like an hour?”

“Get here as soon as you can Garcia”.

“On it bossman”. 

Aaron turned to the board and matched up the copies of the letters to the victims as well as the ones he received from Spencer. After he did that he went to go find his lover.  
JJ moved to the board to study the letters as Jason came up next to her. “Gideon, there’s just something familiar about the tone of these letters and I can’t put my finger on it”.

“What do you mean JJ?”

“I don’t know, the way they are written just looks familiar and I don’t know why”.

Gideon was also beginning to suspect someone, but he didn’t want to jump to conclusions. He wanted to talk to Hotch privately before he said anything to the rest of the team.  
____________________________________________________________________________________  
Garcia made it back over to Rossi’s in less than an hour. The recording she still couldn’t wrap her head around. She didn’t believe it and when the rest of the team heard it, they wouldn’t either. She wanted to do this in person because she didn’t want to have to do it over the phone. It was too much, too much to think that this person had caused so much destruction.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________  
“Spencer,” Aaron called out softly. He had found the younger man in Dave’s library with a book open, but not really reading, not really seeing.

“I’m sorry Aaron. JJ started talking about Henry, and I know I need to so see him, try to explain, but why does it hurt so much?”

Aaron went to the couch across from where Spencer was sitting and took his hand, “Because when you see JJ with Henry, you see us with Jack. Spencer, we both have to move on. I know, I know it’s easier said, but…” Aaron wasn’t sure what he was trying to say.

Spencer looked up into his lover’s face, “I know Aaron. This is just harder than I thought it was going to be”.

“I haven’t let go either Spencer. God, I held onto everything in his room for the last two years. But, I need to move on, but it doesn’t mean that I stop loving hi. I will never be able to stop loving him. But, I’m learning to let him go. I have to if I want any sort of future with you Spencer. That is if we can get out of this mess we’re in”.

Spencer looked up into Aaron’s eyes and realized the sincerity of his words. This wasn’t just a passing fling for Aaron, he meant it, he really wanted a future together. He smiled wide and flung himself into Aaron’s arms.

“You really want more from us, from me?”

Aaron’s face softened, “Yes Spence,” He said as his arms wrapped around his lover, “I want more, I want a future with you. But, to do that we need to get out of our heads and focus on this case. If we don’t then Strauss will be on us and take this away. I won’t go to jail, but I could lose my job for keeping these secrets”. Aaron sighed as he realized just how deeply he had messed up.

Just then Jason had knocked on the library door to announce his presence.

“Aaron, I need to talk to you”.

“About what Jason?”

“Let’s talk privately, no offence Spencer but I think Aaron and I should do this alone”.

Spencer frowned, he still hadn’t talked to Gideon about his anger, but he sensed this wasn’t the time. “Fine, Gideon”. Then he rather angrily stalked off.

Gideon sighed deeply, “He’s angry…”

Aaron looked incredulously at Gideon anger lacing every single word spilling from his mouth, “You think Jason? With his abandonment issues you leave with only a letter? You didn’t have the decency to come to him when Jack…” Aaron’s eyes filled because he was feeling angry himself. “I know I let him down but we both were grieving and didn’t know how to deal with what we went through, you walked out. You walked out and never looked back”.

“You’re right, I have a lot of sins to make up for but what we need to talk about right now is who is doing this”.

“I already figured it out, but flushing her out is not going to be easy. We trained her too well. I want to talk to Garcia and see what she’s got before we tell the team. And you’re deflecting Jason”.

Gideon looked into the face of a man he greatly admired and loved and knew he let him down in the worst way possible. He knew that Aaron’s anger was not just for Spencer, it was for himself as well. 

“Aaron, I know we need to deal with each other, and I know Spencer isn’t the only one I disappointed. I know saying sorry isn’t enough. I wanted to come to the funerals, but…” He let out a long breath and looked to the side.

“But what Jason?”

“I didn’t want to make it about me. You know what would’ve happened. You didn’t need that stress”.

“Fuck you Jason. Spencer and I needed you, you as a friend. Maybe…”

“Maybe what Aaron?”

“Maybe we could have dealt better, maybe we wouldn’t have fallen so far. I don’t know, all I know is we needed you. You really don’t realize what you meant to either of us do you?”

“Hotch…”

“You know what? Don’t, don’t make any excuses Gideon. I appreciate your help, I really do but this isn’t going to fix anything. Now, we need to go tell the team what we’ve figured out”. _And there it is_ Jason thought as Hotch shut down again, closed off his feelings and threw up that stoic mask he was so well known for and Gideon realized just how deeply he hurt the younger man. Spencer he knew, he knew how much his protégé was affected, but he never took into account Hotch’s feelings and for that a wash of shame flooded through him.

“Okay Hotch, okay”. They stared down each other for a minute before the Unit Chief stalked off.  
_____________________________________________________________________________________  
Everyone was gathered in the dining room as before when Hotch stalked in with Gideon coming in behind him. No one said anything as they could feel the anger coming off their Unit Chief, but no one even dared to approach Hotch at the moment except Reid.

“Aaron, you okay?” Then he shot daggers at Gideon who had the wherewithal to look at least a little contrite.

Hotch closed his eyes and knew his anger was affecting everyone, so he took a deep breath and got himself under control. “Yes Spencer, I’m okay…I’ll be okay”. He laid a hand on the younger man and took another moment.

He turned to Garcia, “Garcia, go over what you’ve got and I’ll tell you what we’ve figured out”.

“Okay, well I tracked the e-mails as best as I could but the problem was that most of them tracked back to various public libraries. I contacted the libraries and they only keep internet traffic on their system for about 2 weeks then the system is wiped. And, before you ask I know I’ve said that nothing is ever completely wiped, but the public library system has some really sophisticated programs that completely get rid of their internet traffic. It’s done for the safety of the whole system. But, what I did get was that the person was actually using a proxy server to bounce off of the library, back out again and to Dr. Clemmens e-mail”.

“Have you been able to pinpoint an IP address?”

“Yes, it a personal computer, and it’s bounced around from place to place. I’ve got their signature now so if they try to send anything again my system will ping and I can track them down”.

“That’s good Garcia, how long do you need if they so send something?” Hotch wanted to know what kind of time frame she needed.

“I’ll need a good six minutes. I know, I know not fast enough, but I’m working on an algorithm that will help me cut down the time”.

“Okay keep at that Garcia. Let me tell you what we’ve got,” And he went over the letters that had been left at each of the crime scenes. They also went over the geographic profile and what little evidence they had.

“Oh, Garcia,” Hotch turned back to the tech analyst, “Anything ever ping from that earring that Prentiss found just a few weeks ago?”

“That’s one of the things I wanted to tell you…” She looked around and swallowed hard, “But, sir, can I play the recording for you first?”

“Garcia I think I already know what you’ve found, but go ahead”. She played the filtered recording to the group and all but Prentiss, Alex and Rossi understood the implications.

“You guys seem to recognize that voice,” Rossi said as he looked at Morgan, Gideon, Reid and JJ, “Care to share with the rest of the class?”

Hotch’s suspicions were correct as he looked at a stricken Reid. “How could she do this Hotch? I thought…I thought she was a friend?”

Hotch wanted to pull his lover into him and shield him from the pain and the betrayal but he couldn’t. “I’m sorry Spencer, but I think Garcia is going to tell us the DNA matches to that voice, weren’t you Penelope?”

Garcia looked up at her boss and everyone else in the room, “Yes my liege. The DNA from the earring and the voice on the recording were both confirmed as Elle Greenaway’s”.


	17. Missing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer is late getting home from the cafe and what happens next will brink Aaron to the brink.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _The defects and faults of the mind are like wounds in the body; after all imaginable care has been taken to heal them up, still there will be a scar left behind, and they are in continual danger of breaking the skin and bursting out again._ \- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

It was late by the time Spencer was closing up for the night. Today had been his full day at the cafe. He was finding that he enjoyed the split between the BAU and the café finding the right balance had been tough at first, but he liked being back at the FBI. He hadn’t realized just how much he missed it. Tonight they had a last minute Bachelorette party and Reid was caught up in their enthusiasm so he kept the café open a little bit later than usual. He called Aaron to let him know that he’d be late. They were still living at Rossi’s till the investigation was over and they found Elle. So far they hadn’t been able to flush her and Garcia hadn’t been able to track any of her movements. This made them all a little edgy, but Spencer wasn’t going to break routine, not now, now when he felt his life finally coming together again.

He already locked-up the front door and was doing his usual rounds in the back. All of a sudden the hairs on the back of his neck stood up and he became hyper-alert. 

“Hello? Is there anyone here? Angela, did you not go home yet?” He made his way into the small kitchen where the café usually prepared the daily pastries and baked goods. His old FBI training kicked in, and even though he didn’t have his gun he was careful to sweep the place with his eyes. When he got to the rear service entrance he went out towards the left but didn’t check behind him and all of a sudden he was hit on the back of the head, fell down and blacked out.  
________________________________________________________________________________________  
“Spencer said he was going to be home in half an hour Dave, where is he? It’s been two hours”. Aaron was worried out of his mind. This wasn’t like Spencer, and the last time this happened Spencer went through a horrific ordeal and he almost didn’t get him back.

“Aaron, I’m sure everything is going to be fine”.

“No Dave, something’s wrong, I can feel it. I’m going to go to the café and see what’s going on”.

Just then Jason came into the room and saw the frantic look on Aaron’s face.

“Hotch? What’s going on?”

“Spencer isn’t home yet, he should have been here over two hours ago. Jason…”

“Calm down Hotch, we’ll find him”.

“I have to go to the café, that’s where he called me from”. He started to walk out to his car, but was intercepted by both Dave and Jason.

“We’ll come with you”.

“You don’t have to I will call…”

“Aaron, you are in no shape to drive at the moment, we’re coming with you and I’m driving”.

“Okay, okay let’s go”. Aaron was out the door and halfway to Dave’s SUV by the time Dave had put Mudgie in his run and locked-up the house, Jason not far behind. It took them a little over a half hour to get to the café and the whole time Aaron kept trying to get Spencer on his cell phone.

“Come on, come on Spencer pick-up dammit,” Aaron was on the verge of panicking by this time.

“Hotch, you have to calm down. I’m sure it’s nothing, maybe he forgot to charge his cell phone”.

“No, no you don’t understand Jason, ever since Hankel he is hyper-vigilant about keeping his cell phone on him and charged at all times”.

“Okay, we’re here….”

Aaron was out the door and across the street before Dave was even fully parked, “Going to get his stubborn ass killed is what”. Dave said to Jason.

Aaron used the key that Spencer had given him six months ago when they got back together. First thing he noticed was how dark it was and that the alarm wasn’t activated yet. Aaron took out his gun and his flashlight because he immediately knew something was wrong.

Jason and Dave were finally at the door and also took out their guns and flashlights, “Hotch,” Dave whispered as he walked towards his friend. “What’s going on?”

Aaron also whispered, “The alarm wasn’t set and the lights are off. This is not normal, Spencer always checks the front door and locks it first, then he checks the café making sure everything is in order. Last thing he does is set the alarm and goes out the back locking the service door. It’s his routine, he never deviates from it. He would never leave without setting that alarm”.

The three men carefully made the rounds through the café and when they got to the service door they saw Spencer’s messenger bag laying there with his cell phone. Aaron crouched down checking the area when he heard Dave call to him, “Aaron, there’s some blood”.

The panic started to set in, but Aaron knew that he’d be no use to Spencer if he lost it, but Dave could see it. He went over and put a hand on Aaron’s arm, “We’ll find him, don’t worry, we’ll find him”.

Aaron turned to Jason and with tears gathering in his eyes, “Just like Georgia, Jason…”

Jason took Aaron by the shoulders, “Hotch, this is nothing like Georgia, okay? We’ll find him, I promise you we’ll find him”. Jason didn’t want to think about those dark days and his part in Spencer’s ordeal.

“Jason, I can’t…I can’t…” The look he gave his old mentor was tearing him apart. Jason knew what Aaron went through in Georgia, and he was afraid if anything happened to Spencer, this would break him completely.

“Trust me, trust us. I won’t make the same mistakes, we will find him”.

Aaron took a few deep breaths and nodded at Gideon. He then took out his phone and called Morgan, “Morgan, get the team down here to Java Libre, now. Spencer is missing”.

“Missing, what the hell are you talking about Hotch?’

“He was late getting home, he called to tell me he’d be about a half hour, that was over two hours ago…Morgan, please, get down here…I…I can’t…I can’t lose anyone else…I can’t lose him again Morgan…”

“Hotch, calm down, we’re coming okay? We’ll find him I promise you, we’ll find him”.  
__________________________________________________________________________________________  
The team arrived at the café and they went over everything with Hotch. There were no clues so far but that didn’t stop them from setting up a base right in the café.

Garcia had brought along and set-up her laptop in one corner ready for anything the team threw at her. They had no clue at this point as to where Elle would be or where she would have taken Spencer. But, she was determined to do her best to find out.

Just then Emily, who had been checking out everything in the kitchen stopped suddenly, “Hey guys? Hotch? Morgan? You need to get in here”.

Everyone descended on the kitchen and what Jason, Hotch, Morgan and JJ saw stopped their hearts cold. Written on the door in, what looked like catsup, was the word _RULES_. 

“Oh my god, is she playing out that day? Or is she devolving?” Hotch was shaking and he knew he needed to get it together if they were going to find Spencer alive.

Prentiss, Alex and Dave were just looking at the rest of the team trying to figure out what exactly was going on.

“Okay, I know we read the file on the Fisher King case, but obviously there was something that wasn’t in the reports. You want to tell me about that Hotch? Jason?” Dave asked.

Jason took a deep breath because he knew this was one of those sins he never atoned for and now he felt he was responsible for Spencer’s predicament.

It was a moment before he spoke, “Randall Garner told us that there was only one rule. Only the BAU, our team specifically was to be involved. A courier had come to Hotch’s house and delivered a package to Haley. We had Haley sit with a sketch artist and it was my decision to have JJ hold a press conference to find the courier”. Jason took a deep breath before continuing, “Garner took it personal, he broke into Elle’s house and shot her in the chest at almost point blank range. He then wrote ‘RULES’ on her door…in her own blood”.

Dave just stared at Jason dumbfounded then over at Hotch, “Well, this explains why you got so angry at me with the False Face case, why didn’t you tell me Aaron?”

“Dave, I still felt responsible for what happened to Elle. I had Anderson take her home and I assumed that he was going to stay there with her because of the level of obsession that the unsub had with us. Unfortunately he didn’t make that connection and I should’ve made it clearer. There were some deadly mistakes made. So, is Elle devolving? Did she take Spencer because she wants to hurt me? She blamed me for her reactions during the Dayton Ohio serial rapist case”.

“Hotch?” Dave asked, and to Aaron a million questions seemed to be asked in that one word.

“Dave, she shot William Lee in cold blood, but we couldn’t prove anything. She had a secondary gun that she put in Lee’s hands. The Dayton police cleared her and, based on her explanation so did the Bureau”.

“Why do you think differently?”

Jason looked at Dave, “She was suffering from PTSD. We saw the signs and Hotch ordered her to get counseling, when she didn’t show up and when she started to make a run for it, it cemented what we suspected. We tried to help, but she pushed everyone away and blamed everyone else. It was my doing I pushed Garner and I didn’t own up to that mistake”.

“Jason, she made the decision to kill Lee, not you. Her actions in Dayton are on her, but she was hell bent on blaming everyone else”.

Morgan sighed in resignation, “So we need to profile Elle going from killing Lee, to years of mental instability and now serial stalking and killing the surrogates Hotch was seeing. The anger displayed in your apartment that is part of her devolution Hotch. If she’s got Reid, we need to find him fast…”. Morgan was watching Hotch, trying to gauge his Unit Chief’s own stability at the moment.

“Where would she take him?” 

“She doesn’t have a house in DC or Virginia anymore. She sold it and Garcia hasn’t found any recent property in her’s or her father’s names”.

“She wouldn’t go to a warehouse or abandoned building, she’d want something special something symbolic”. Alex added.

JJ was thinking about all of this when it dawned on her, “Hotch, did Garner’s house get torn down?”

Hotch ran out to the front of the café, “Garcia, do we know what happened to Garner’s house?”

“Garner? You mean Randall Garner? The, the Fisher King? Do you think that case has something to do with all of this?”

“Garcia,” Hotch laid a hand on her shoulder to help calm her down, “I believe it has everything to do with this. Now, can you get me information on his house?”

“Sure, sure, give me a minute bossman,” She started to clack away at her computer, “Yes, yes here. They had to tear down much of the structure after the explosion, however…” Horror showed on her face as she looked at the current state of the house, “The new owners kept the dungeon. Who does that?” She shivered slightly.

Hotch just shook his head at the thought of someone keeping a dungeon where a young woman had been held captive for two years, “Penny, you should know by now that people rarely make sense. What do we know about the owners?”

She took a few moments while she searched her files, “A Claire and Thomas Massey bought the property in 2009, they tore down what was left of the original house, but when they discovered the dungeon they kept it and had a new house built on top….Oh, oh no…” Garcia looked in horror at a case file. “Hotch, the owner’s were murdered last week”.

“Damn. It’s her”.


	18. Not Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elle has Spencer and uses him to get Hotch to come to her. Hotch formulates a plan that he hopes will get everyone out alive.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Pain is real when you get other people to believe in it. If no one believes in it but you, your pain is madness or hysteria_ \- Naomi Wolf
> 
> So, only two more chapters and an Epilogue. Wow, can't believe this is close to ending, it's been a ton of fun to write. Thank you for all the reviews and kudos.

Reid felt his face being slapped. He was finding it difficult to open his eyes and his head was killing him. Goddammit, not again, he thought.

“Wake-up Reid, come on. You’re no use to me if you don’t fucking wake-up”.

His vision was blurry and he was having trouble focusing, “Who…who are you?”

“Reid, I’m hurt, you don’t recognize me?”

He could just make out a face and it was a face he hadn’t seen for almost 7 years. “Elle? What the hell are you doing?”

“Oh come on, you haven’t put that big brain of yours to work and figured it out? The boy genius, Gideon’s little puppet didn’t make the connections?”

Reid was getting angry, “I was never Gideon’s puppet. Do you really not know who actually recruited me?”

“It doesn’t really matter, Gideon, Hotch it’s all the same. So, how is good ole’ Aaron Hotchner these days? Did he ever confess all his sins to his pretty little wife; you know the one he gave 100% to? Just look how that turned out”. She spat out angrily.

Reid’s face turned dark and he was becoming angry, “How dare you…” he said with as much venom in his voice as he could muster.

“Touch a nerve there pretty boy? So did you and Morgan ever finally screw and get it over with, cause really that bromance was getting old”.

“You’re crazy. You’re certifiably crazy”. 

“NO, Aaron Hotchner hasn’t suffered enough. He left me to deal with EVERYTHING on my own. He didn’t care about me he only cared about the precious team. Look where it got him, dead wife, dead son….”

“Don’t you fucking talk about my son.” Reid’s face was contorted in anger and pain.

Elle was taken aback, “What the hell are you talking about?”

Tears wanted to form in Reid’s eyes, but he was determined not to give in to Elle’s game, “Jack wasn’t Haley’s. He was mine and Aaron’s”.

She stared at the former agent for a while trying to figure out what was going on, “What in the hell are you talking about? They were the “perfect” couple, I saw them they were all disgustingly cute together”. Elle sneered at the thought of Aaron and Haley.

“That’s what you all were supposed to think. You’re smart, figure it out”. He wasn’t going to make it easy for the crazy bitch.

She went over in her mind everything she knew about Aaron Hotchner and Spencer Reid. She hadn’t been with the BAU long and even she had remarked from time to time how close the two agents were. Suddenly the clothing in the closets at Aaron’s apartment started to make sense…

“You have got to be kidding me. Aaron Hotchner? Uptight, closed off, show no emotion Aaron Hotchner, Gay? You two were together? Oh ho, this is better than I thought. This will bring down that arrogant bully once and for all”. She got up in Reid’s face and put the gun to his forehead. “Do you think that if I kill you now it would finally break him? Hmmm?” Her voice taking on a teasing tone laced with madness.

This was all too familiar and Reid was trying his hardest not to let the memories of Georgia overtake him. He needed to stay focused and clear headed.

“Elle, we were friends once. I tried to find you after you left… ”

“The Elle Greenaway you knew died on that table. She came back different, and no one cared”.

“I cared. I cared Elle, I even tried talking to you but you didn’t want anyone’s help, remember? You pushed all of us away. Elle, we tried but you didn’t want to let us in”.

He could see that his words weren’t getting through to her, “Maybe you need a little help, huh?” She brought over a rolling tray with several needles and very familiar bottles sitting there.

“Elle, don’t please don’t. I can’t, you can’t do that to me, please.” He didn’t want to beg.

“This is only incentive. If you don’t do what I tell you, you get one of these”. She picked up a vial and held it in front of Reid’s face. He swallowed hard then nodded his head, letting her know he’d co-operate.

“Good. Now, I’m going to make a phone call in a few minutes and you are going to say exactly what I want you to say. Understand?”  
_______________________________________________________________________________  
After the team figured out where Reid was Hotch called Strauss and quickly told her the situation. She gave the go ahead to have SWAT teams standing by. They knew they needed to take this carefully because of how far and fast Elle was devolving. They converged on the former Garner residence silently.

“How do you want to approach this Hotch?” Morgan asked. All of them were on edge and just wanted this whole thing to end, but hopefully with no bloodshed.

“I believe that she’s going to call me. We need to wait to see what her demands are”.

“You are not thinking of going in there Hotch…” Morgan knew his Unit Chief all too well.

“Let’s just wait till she calls and then we’ll know more”.

“How do you even know she’ll call?”

“She’ll call because she has to she’ll want to gloat. I’m sure that Reid has told her about he and I by now and it will be an incentive to make me pay…” Aaron’s breath was shallow as he contemplated exactly what was going through the young woman’s mind.

“You don’t think she’ll kill Reid do you?” Jason asked as he walked up next to Hotch. He knew the question was unfair, but it needed to be asked. He even hated himself for saying it and he saw what it did to Hotch even thinking about it.

Aaron schooled his emotions because he needed to be calm if they were going to get Reid out of this alive. With a shaky tone to his voice he said, “I don’t know Jason. She wants to break me like she’s broken and I fear she’s right. Jason…if I lose him…” He didn’t want to voice the rest of his thoughts because he knew what the team would do. They’d lock him in one of the vehicles and not let him near the residence.

Jason laid a hand on Hotch’s shoulder and it felt like old times, it felt like he had never left the way that he and Hotch fell back on their old roles with one another. 

Just then, exactly like he predicted Hotch’s phone rang.

“Hotchner,” He said much steadier than he felt.

“Aaron,” Spencer felt some relief when he heard Aaron’s voice.

“Reid,” He calmly said, “We’re out front of Garner’s house. I’m assuming you are in the dungeon?”

Reid chuckled because he knew that they would figure it out pretty quickly.

“Yes, Aaron. She wants me to tell you to come alone. If you don’t…” Reid was having a hard time saying what Elle wanted him to say.

“Spencer…Spencer what will she do?” Hotch’s heart sped up and his mouth went dry.

Reid swallowed hard, “ _Tell him dammit_ ”. Elle shouted in the background.

“Aaron, if you don’t she’s going to inject me with dilauded. Aaron, I can take it…” The phone was yanked out of his hand.

“You hear that Hotch? If you don’t come alone, you’re boy here will suffer the consequences. We don’t want another relapse on our hands, now do we?”

“Elle, just let him go. It’s me you want, let Spencer go and I’ll come to you”.

“No, you come then we’ll talk about letting pretty boy go”.

“Alright Elle, just please don’t hurt him”.

“Oh and Hotch, leave your gun and vest, there are rules and we must follow them”.

Hotch cursed under his breath. She didn’t remember about the clutch piece, but he couldn’t be sure. He took a chance and left it on. He started to take off his vest when Morgan saw what he was doing.

“ _Hotch what the hell are you doing_? “ He yelled.

“She wants me Morgan. She said for me to come alone, no vest, no gun. If I don’t she is going to inject Spencer with dilauded”.

“What the hell? Has she had a complete psychotic break?”

“Hotch, I agree with Morgan, you can’t do this”. Jason looked at the Unit Chief

“Jason if I don’t, if I break her rules Spencer suffers the consequences. He can’t take another relapse right now Jason. Not when we’re trying to move on from losing Jack. This will set him over the edge. What will be left of him if I don’t go in there?” Hotch was pleading, with Morgan and Gideon to understand.

“Okay, but we need a plan, we are not going to let you go in there without some plan for back-up”. Morgan was adamant about keeping Hotch safe.

“I’ll go,” Jason looked to Morgan and Hotch.

“Jason, we’d both be playing…”

“Aaron, much of what’s happened is on me. I should be there with you”.

“She told me to go in alone. Are you breaking the rules again Jason?” Hotch looked pointedly at his once-best friend.

“Not breaking, bending”. 

“Isn’t that what got Elle shot in the first place Jason? You ‘bending’ those rules?”

“Hotch, you can’t be seriously trying to play her game.” Morgan grabs Aaron’s arm rather forcefully.

“What would you have me do Morgan? She’s got Reid, either I go in there and assess the situation, or I do nothing and she forces a relapse…” His voice cracked on the last word.

“Dammit,” Morgan started pacing angrily. The problem was that none of them were thinking correctly.

Hotch took his phone out and called Garcia, “Garcia.”

“Hey bossman, you got our junior g-man back yet?” Garcia asked with hope in her voice.

“We’re working on it Garcia. Do you have the pictures of Garner’s dungeon still on your computer?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Are they recent or are they from before the explosion?” Hotch asked as a tentative plan formed in his head.

“Um, they are recent, in fact its from the Massey’s blog. They posted very detailed photos of the tear down and rebuilding of the house. It was like their thing. They loved the dungeon so much that it is fairly intact.”

“So, it’s not too different from 7 years ago, correct?”

“Correct” Confusion in her voice.

“So, there is a staircase that goes to a large heavy door, correct?”

“Exactly bossman.”

Hotch smiled into the phone. He swore to himself that he would do something nice for the analyst when they all got out of this mess. He walked back over to his colleagues, a plan formulated in his mind and he thought it just might work.

“Emily, JJ,” He called the two women over as he grabbed a sketch pad from the SUV. He quickly roughed out the details of the dungeon based on what Gracia had told him.

“Okay, this is what we’re going to do. Now it will depend on whether this door is opened or closed, I’m going to assume it’s open. Jason, Morgan there is a blind at the curve, each of you will be here and here,” He pointed out the area to the two men, “Emily and JJ I want you on either side of this main door. Dave, I’m going to give you my phone, if she calls try to stall her.”

Morgan looked at the sketch and thought about it a moment, “Okay, okay we can work with this. What are you going to do Hotch?”

“I’m going straight down the stairs. If the door is closed, I’ll signal you and you two,” He indicated to Morgan and Jason, “Will reposition here and here on either side of the door. Morgan, you then signal JJ and Emily to move to the blind. Understand?”

“Yeah, got it Hotch,” Morgan wasn’t one-hundred percent happy with the plan, but it was better than what they had before.

“Alex, Dave stay here in case she tries to contact anyone while we’re getting into position. Now, I don’t know what she’s using as restraints but I’m going to try to palm something off to Spencer to help him.” Spencer had taught Aaron a thing or two over the years and though Aaron’s fingers weren’t quite as nimble, he would be able to get a key or pick into Spencer’s hand.

Aaron also gave orders to the SWAT teams that were standing by. He positioned them to the side of where the dungeon was, as well as right outside the door. When they were in place, he was ready to go.

“Alright, let’s go.”

Aaron made his way across the expansive lawn to where he knew the entrance to the dungeon lie. Morgan, Jason, Emily and JJ were out front all with their weapons at the ready. As soon as they made it to the door Emily and JJ took up their positions. Jason and Derek moved in front of their Unit Chief, shielding him as they got the door open and slowly made their way down the stairs. They took up their positions in the blind and had their guns at the ready as Aaron went the rest of the way down the stairs. 

When he got to the door it was closed. He placed his hand on the knob and signaled for the two men to take up their secondary positions on either side of the door. Morgan gave the signal to the two women and they moved into the blind. Morgan looked at Aaron and had a hand up. He started to count backwards from 5. When he lowered his pinky Aaron turned the knob and slowly opened the door and walked in.

He put his hands up to show he had no weapon on him. His jacket and tie long ago discarded. He settled his normal frown on his face hoping the show of authority would intimidate her.

“Elle, I’m unarmed and I’m coming in,” He announced. When he walked in he quickly assessed the situation. Spencer was in a straight backed chair, hands handcuffed to it. His legs were unrestrained. The rolling cart to the side stopped Aaron’s heart cold. He had to force himself to breathe again because he needed to stay absolutely calm to help get Spencer out of there alive.

“Nice of you to finally join us,” Elle unfolded herself from the chair she had been sitting in, gun trained on Spencer. “We’ll, it’s been a long time Hotch. Reid here told me something very, very interesting,” She said as she dangerously waived the gun in Spencer’s direction.

“Oh? And what would that be Elle?” His voice came out calmer than what he actually felt.

She smiled and Aaron saw the madness behind it, and his heart broke a little and a feeling of guilt washed over him because he realized he had a hand in her fall.

“Well, see he tells me that you two,” She waived the gun between them, “We’re having a relationship. That it started even before I joined the team. But, seriously Hotch, come on, you’re not really gay, he’s just spinning some story, right?”

“It’s true Elle. Spencer and I were already together when you joined the team.”

“I don’t believe you. I saw you with your wife.”

“But, what did you actually see Elle? Do you want me to prove it to you somehow? I can show you.” This was going to be the perfect way to get Spencer the handcuff key. That is if Elle played in to his hands like he suspected she would.

She narrowed her eyes at Aaron trying to figure out what his game plan was. Problem was tha she was curious. She wanted to see just what Hotch was going to do.

“Fine, prove it.” Madness glinted in her eyes.

Aaron looked down at Spencer in the chair and he smiled, even though he was handcuffed to a chair this was the man he loved. He lowered to his knees so he was level with Spencer.

Despite the circumstances Spencer smiled, “Aaron,” He sighed out closing his eyes as Aaron’s lips touched his. One hand came up and fisted in Spencer’s hair as he pulled the younger man’s head closer. The kiss was passionate and bruising. His tongue darted out and he licked the soft lips, encouraging Spencer to accept his tongue. Then it was all tongue and teeth. Someone groaned and Aaron wasn’t sure who it was. His hand wandered down Spencer’s body and he lightly palmed the growing erection. Surprise flashed in Aaron’s eyes because this was not the time to get aroused, but the kiss was everything. 

Meanwhile the hand with handcuff the key had taken Spencer’s right hand. Aaron pressed the key into Spencer’s palm and luckily Spencer got the hint. After a few more kisses, Aaron slowly stood his arousal quite evident.

“Well, I guess you prove me wrong SSA Aaron Hotchner.”

“Why Elle? After all these years, why now?” Hotch asked in that same cool manner.

“Trying to find my stressor? Don’t forget you trained me well Hotch.”

“So, what do you want? You’ve made your point Elle, you’re in pain and we, I didn’t do enough. Is that what you want? A confession?”

“I just wanted to belong.”

“You did Elle, you were good at your job. You made the decision to kill Lee, not me. You were right, I should have made it clearer to Anderson to stay with you. I should have come to you and tried to talk to you and I’m sorry for that, I’m sorry I let you down Elle. But everything else that you’ve done Elle, that is on you.”

“So, is this the part where you try to negotiate you’re way out? Knowing you, you have a plan in a plan. I know and you know I’m not getting out of here alive.”

“What was the point of all this then? To make me suffer? To break me like you’re broken?” He looked at her steadily. His eyes flickered ever so slightly to Spencer and saw the younger man had gotten one of his wrists free. Hotch knew he needed to keep Elle’s attention on him.

“ _YES DAMMIT I can’t fucking move on._ ” She ripped open her shirt to expose the scar from the gunshot wound, “I can’t forget this. Everywhere I go I see him and he won’t get out of my head and you did this to me.” She screams. It’s the distraction that Spencer needed to carefully uncuff his other hand. Aaron moved his right foot just a little hoping Spencer would understand.

Trying to keep her focused he undid his shirt and flung it to the side, “And these are a constant reminder that a psychopath came into my home and assaulted me. Elle, these don’t define who I am, but they constantly remind me to be better.” He could see that he wasn’t getting through to her, she had sunk so far into madness that nothing would get through. Aaron saw the moment that Spencer was free and he knew they needed to act now.

Several things happened at once. Spencer dropped to the floor and grabbed Hotch’s clutch piece, Hotch dropped down beside Spencer as he yelled, “Morgan, Gideon now.” The two men burst into the room just as shots rang out. They heard a scream and saw Elle drop to the ground as she raised her gun and shot. The gun dropped out of her hands and clattered to the floor.

“ _MEDIC, WE NEED A MEDIC IN HERE_ ,” Morgan screamed as he looked down at Gideon.

Spencer made his way over, “Gideon, Gideon can you hear me? Jason, Jason,” He yelled. He looked down and saw that Jason was shot in the chest. Morgan was putting pressure on the wound to try to stop the bleeding.

Spencer was sitting there with Gideon’s head in his lap, begging the man not to die, tears streaming down his face. Aaron had checked on Elle, her injuries weren’t fatal. He had her handcuffed and they all waited for the medics to arrive.

Finally after what seemed like forever, but was only a couple of minutes they got to Jason first, he had a thready heartbeat but they got him stabilized enough to move him. Elle had been shot in the arm, the leg and twice in the torso, but none of them were fatal. The EMT’s got her up on the gurney and Aaron secured her to it. 

“Spencer, why don’t you go with Jason. I’ll go with Elle and I’ll meet you at the hospital.” Understanding shone in his eyes as his heart was breaking too. He may have been angry at Jason for the way he left, but there were still feelings of friendship and love. He couldn’t imagine what his partner was going through.

Spencer latched onto Aaron while he got his emotions under control. The paramedics needed to leave and he ran to the ambulance just as they were going to leave without him. Aaron hoped for Spencer’s sake that Jason made it. He didn’t want to think about how devastated his lover would be if the older man died.


	19. Life Moves On

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of all that's happened. Spencer and Aaron have a talk with Strauss and they have some big decisions to make.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Transformation is a process, and as life happens there are tons of ups and downs. It's a journey of discovery - there are moments on mountaintops and moments in deep valleys of despair._ \- Rick Warren

Reid was in the waiting room of the hospital pacing back and forth by the time Hotch and the rest of the team arrived. Aaron was now wearing a scrub shirt that the EMT had given him because he forgot his shirt was still inside the former house of Randall Gardner. 

Aaron immediately went up to Reid and gathered him in his arms. “Any news?”

“No, not yet, they immediately took him to surgery. Aaron…”

“I know Spencer, I know.” He took Spencer in his arms again and just held him.

Dave and the rest of them team came up to Hotch and Reid, “So, any news yet?”

“No Dave. Spencer said that he was rushed into surgery.” Spencer broke off and moved to a corner of the room, wanting to be alone. His mind was going a mile a minute, I can’t lose him again was the mantra he kept repeating. Aaron determined not to let his love retreat into himself, which was typical Spencer behavior. He walked over and just sat next to Spencer and laid a hand on his knee.

JJ went over and sat on the other side of Spencer and took his hand in hers. Rossi and the rest of the team sat or stood as they waited to hear the outcome of both Gideon and Elle.

Just then Erin Strauss barged into the waiting room and walked up to Dave, “Dave, what the hell happened?”

“Elle Greenaway shot Jason as Hotch was trying to get Spencer out of there safely. We tried to minimize any physical injuries, but…” Dave’s eyes misted up as he thought of his friend who was fighting for his life.

“Oh Dave,” She grabbed him in a hug, and even though Jason Gideon had been a pain in her ass, she still respected the man greatly. She also knew Dave still considered him a friend and didn’t want to think what the loss would do to her lover. After a few minutes she broke off and walked over to Aaron and Spencer.

“Agent Jareau, can you give us a few minutes?”

“Ma’am,” She said as she got up and went over to where Morgan and Prentiss were.

“Agent Hotchner…Aaron, I believe that you and Doctor Reid have a lot of explaining to do.” She looked at them both with an expression that Aaron so rarely saw on her face, compassion.

“Erin, I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but now is not really the time to get into this.”

“I know Aaron, but I need you two to report to my office in two days time. And Aaron, Dr. Reid, I will need you to tell me everything.”

They looked at the section chief with resignation written on their faces. They both knew they would have to come clean with everything, they just didn’t know what would be in store for either of them when it was done.

“We will Erin.” Aaron looked at her with his typical scowl. She got up, patted his arm and went over to wait with David. Spencer and Aaron looked at each other with confusion, Erin Strauss never comforted her agents, and they were freaking out just slightly.

At some point in their vigil Dave had gone out and gotten them all coffee and something to eat, no one was particularly hungry, but the coffee was polished off rather quickly. Several hours later a doctor finally came out and walked into the waiting room.

“Is there an Aaron Hotchner here?”

At hearing his name Aaron stood up, “I’m Aaron Hotchner.” 

“Mr. Hotchner, I’m Doctor Keating, I did the surgery on Jason Gideon.”

“Yes Doctor, how is he? What can you tell us?”

“It was touch and go for a while. He coded twice, the bullet hit literally millimeters from his heart. Luckily it just grazed the outside of the upper right ventricle. There was a small tear that we were able to repair. He’s stable now and the next twenty-four hours are going to be critical. If he pulls through it, then I can safely say that he should be okay. He will need a lot of bed rest and some physical therapy to help the heal and strengthen the heart muscle. But that will come in time.”

“Can we see him?”

“I can let two of you go into see him, but that is all for now. If he stays stable and pulls through tomorrow then he can have more visitors.”

Aaron looked to Dave, “You and the kid go Aaron, I can wait.”

“Thank you Rossi,” Spencer said as they walked after the Doctor.

Jus then another Doctor approached, “I’m looking for anyone here for Elle Greenaway?”

Dave walked up to the Doctor, “You can talk to me. I’m SSA David Rossi.”

“Agent Rossi,” The Doctor shook the agent’s hand. “Miss Greenaway had several gunshot wounds that we treated, but the one we are worried about the most is the one to her chest. It’s just below a previous injury and it passed through her left lung. We repaired the damage to the lung, but she is currently still unconscious. She’s also not breathing on her own so we had to intubate her. It’s critical that she start breathing on her own in the next few days.”

“Are you saying she may not make it Doctor?”

“The next couple of days are going to be critical Agent Rossi. Now, I was asked by Agent Hotchner to keep her restrained. Seeing as she is unconscious might I ask if that is necessary?”

“Yes Doctor it is. She is wanted in the murder of 7 people and the kidnapping and attempted murder of an FBI agent, as well as other charges. We are going to have security posted outside her door till she wakes or…” He let the rest of his statement go unspoken.

“I understand Agent. Well, I’ve done all I can for her, the rest is up to her.” He wished the agents in the waiting room goodbye.

“Okay, why don’t we all go home and get some sleep. I have a feeling the next couple of days are not going to be easy for any of us.” Everyone wanted to protest, but both Dave and Strauss said it was an order.  
_______________________________________________________________________________  
Aaron and Reid entered Gideon’s room and both were taken aback at what they saw. Gideon was unconscious and wired-up to several medical machines and to Reid he looked so small. Gideon had never looked so vulnerable before and it broke Reid’s heart just a little. He grabbed a chair and placed it next to Gideon’s bed and he took his mentor’s hand in his and held it, willing him to wake-up.

Aaron stepped outside the room to go find another chair and sat on the opposite side of the bed. The two men sat back in their respective chairs and prayed Gideon would come out of it and be okay. Aaron hoped he would for Spencer’s sake. He wasn’t sure if Reid could take another loss and he hoped they didn’t have to find out.

Neither of them realized they had fallen asleep when Aaron was woken up several hours later by the sound of rustling. He looked over to the bed and saw that Gideon was trying to open his eyes.

“Jason? Jason can you hear me?” Slowly Gideon opened his eyes to see Aaron standing next to him.

“Hotch?” It came out raspy, but Aaron could understand him. Reid came awake at that point and saw that Jason was awake.

“Hey, you gave me quite the scare Gideon,” Reid looked at his old mentor with tears in his eyes, “Don’t do that again.” His hands were shaking as he took the older man’s hand in his.

Jason tried to smile as he looked at Reid. Hotch left to go get the Doctor to let them know that Jason was awake. He had found the nurse’s station easily and let them know. He was told they’d tell the Doctor as soon as possible. As he was walking away someone called to him.

“Agent Hotchner?”

“Yes, can I help you?”

“Sir, I’m Dr. Barnes, I’m the one you spoke with last night about Ms. Greenaway?”

“Right, Dr. Barnes, sorry it’s just a lot has happened..”

“You don’t have to explain Agent, I’m just sorry to tell you, Elle Greenaway didn’t make it through the night. We had tried to repair her damaged lung, but she developed an infection overnight and the strain was too much for her. The repaired lung collapsed and her healthy lung had a hard time compensating and because of the infection it just couldn’t keep up. She went into cardiac arrest and we couldn’t revive her. I’m very sorry.”

Aaron took a deep breath and let it out slowly, “Thank you Doctor, I’m sure you did everything you could. I’ll make arrangements for her.” Oh Elle, why did it come to this? Aaron thought as he walked back to Gideon’s room with a sad heart. 

By the time he got back Dr. Keating was there checking Gideon over. 

“Well, Mr. Gideon, you are one lucky man. Now, what you are going to need is lots of rest. I want to keep you on fluids for another day and maybe start you back on solid foods tomorrow.”

Aaron looked over at Spencer and saw the relief on his face. “Spencer, why don’t we let Jason rest. We can come back tomorrow after we meet with Strauss, okay?”

“Yeah, yeah okay. Hey, um Aaron?”

“Yes?”

“Any word on Elle?”

Aaron laid a hand on Spencer’s arm, “I’m so sorry Reid. She didn’t make it.”

Spencer nodded his head and didn’t say anything for a long minute, “She wasn’t my friend anymore Aaron. She turned into someone I didn’t recognize. It saddens me that it came down to this, but… I’m okay.” 

Jason waived for Aaron to come closer. He did and he bent closer to hear what Gideon was trying to say.

“Want to help with funeral costs,” He whispered.

“Okay, but don’t worry about it today. You get some rest. I’ll make the arrangements for her. I’ll make sure she is taken care of.” Both men felt some responsibility for Elle’s decline, and while it wasn’t necessarily true, Spencer wasn’t going to fight them on this. If it eased some of the misplaced guilt they felt, he was fine letting them have this one.

“Jason, we’re going to go now, let you rest.” Spencer laid a hand on his former mentor’s arm.

“Spencer,” Jason looked at the younger man, “I’m sorry. I’m sorry for everything…”

“Shh, don’t talk. We can deal with that when you’re better.” Spencer then smiled for the first time at Gideon. He may still harbor some anger at Gideon, but he was happy that the man was still here and they would get a chance to reconcile.

The two men made their goodbyes and left to let Gideon rest.  
___________________________________________________________________________________________  
“Agent Hotchner, Dr. Reid, I think it’s time you two explain everything that has happened in the last couple of months.”

Aaron took a deep breath, “Erin, I should start by telling you that Spencer and I,” He waited a beat, this was going to be the hardest part, this was the part that could end his career, but he loved Spencer enough that at this point he didn’t care what happened. He just wanted his lover in his life and they’d deal with the consequences later.

“You and Dr. Reid, what Aaron?” Strauss eyed them suspiciously.

“We’ve been in a relationship.”

“Ah, I see. Since when, might I ask?” There was a tone to her voice that Aaron couldn’t quite decipher.

“Well, since about six months after Spencer started with the team.” He looked at the Section Chief to gauge her reaction.

She sat there dumbfounded for a minute. How had these two kept their affair so quiet for so long?”

“Aaron, are you telling me that the whole time Dr. Reid was with your unit the two of you had been having an affair?”

Aaron took a deep breath, “Yes ma’am.”

“I’m sorry if this is personal, but Aaron, you were married,” She let that hang in the air for a minute.

“Yes, Haley was my…” He looked to Spencer, “Shield. Erin, I’m gay and Haley was protecting me, just as I was protecting her from a not so nice home life.”

“Aaron, to be honest I have to say I am surprised.” She looked at the two men for a minute, “So, it never affected the way you work together, obviously. I assume you worked very hard to keep the working relationship separate?”

“Yes ma’am.”

“I know this question may be painful, but what about your son Jack?”

“Haley agreed to be a surrogate for us. Jack was our son. Losing him,” Spencer swallowed hard and Strauss was not immune to the sadness and pain of a parent losing a child, “Is what caused my relapse and resignation from the Bureau.” She could tell that this confession was difficult for the young man.

“I’m so sorry Dr. Reid.” She sat back and contemplated the two of them for a moment. “Since this relationship didn’t cause any problems in your team, and that you were able to keep a professional working relationship separate I am going to pretend you didn’t tell me anything about it.” She reached in her desk and pulled out a book of Bureau regulations and flipped to the appropriate page.

“There are exceptions, of course, so here, take this with you and get back to me with your decision. Now, please go over with me the events that led up to Dr. Reid’s capture and Ms. Greenaway’s death.”

Spencer and Aaron took the next couple of hours going over everything with Strauss and by the time they were done and the whole story laid bare, the two men were highly emotional.

“Well, truthfully the only thing wrong that you did Agent Hotchner is not coming to me about knowing these surrogates. I can’t let that go Aaron. You went rogue again, but I understand the circumstances that led you to do it. There does have to be some kind of repercussion for your actions.” She looked steadily at Aaron.

“I understand ma’am. I should have come clean and told you and the team the truth from the beginning. I wanted to get to the bottom of what was going on, but I should have trusted the team and you sooner, so I am going to accept any punishment you feel is necessary.”

She sat back and contemplated what she was going to do. “One week suspension with no pay, and Dr. Reid, no consulting for a period of two weeks, that is unless you want your old position back.” She looked at Spencer to see what he would say.

“Um, Ma’am?” Spencer was slightly confused. He didn’t think the bureau would take him back at his full capacity.

“Dr. Reid, you were an invaluable asset to the bureau. The team’s success rate was not only attributed to Aaron’s leadership, and I know I questioned it and challenged it, but I can’t deny the results, but you as well. Your contribution did not go unnoticed. So, if you want your old position back, it’s yours.” She turned to look at Hotch, “Aaron, I’d suggest you use this time to consider all of your options.” She eyed the regulation book before she got up to signal that they were done. “Oh and Agent Hotchner? This file stays in my office. No one else needs to know what happened.”

“Ma’am?”

“Oh Aaron, you and Dr. Reid are not the only agents that can keep secrets. I’ll tell the director some version of the truth, but he doesn’t need to know everything…understood?” 

“Understood,” The two men said at the same time. They left to go tell the team what happened and that they were suspended.

“That’s bullshit, let me talk to her Aaron,” Dave was furious, but Aaron placed a hand on his arm.

“No Dave, it could have been a lot worse than a suspension. At least she didn’t try to transfer me out of the unit this time,” Aaron smiled wide to let them all know he was okay with this decision.

“You sure? Because I can..”

“Dave, seriously, I got myself into this whole mess in the first place. A one week suspension is the best that I could have hoped for.”

Dave smiled at his friend, “Okay Aaron. I’ll let it go.”

“Thank you, I will see you guys in a week.” Aaron and Spencer then turned on their heels and walked out of the BAU thankful that neither of them had lost their jobs.  
________________________________________________________________________________________________  
Spencer and Aaron knew they needed to go to their apartment and settle things there. It was one more emotional hit to an already emotional couple of days. They spent the time cataloging everything Elle had destroyed to get the insurance claims in order.

“Aaron, I don’t think I want to stay here in this apartment. Too many memories.”

“Spencer, I understand. I was thinking we look for something more permanent.” He smiled as he looked at his partner.

“You want to buy a house together?”

“Actually I may have a place in mind. But, I need to tell you something first Spencer.”

“What is it?”

“Emily. She’s been having a difficult time here and she’s been offered a position to run the London office of Interpol. Spencer, she wants to take it. She wants to start fresh.”

Spencer sat down on one of the undamaged chairs, “Aaron, believe me when I say that I understand where she’s coming from. I’ll miss her, I’ll miss her a lot. When is she leaving?”

“Not for a couple of months, she wants to help us finish out some of our on-going cases.”

“Okay, so what does that have to do with us buying a house?” Spencer was a little confused.

“Well, it’s spacious, has three bedrooms, a large open space and a decent backyard,” He smiled at his partner hoping he’d get the hint.

“Emily’s place? You want to buy Emily’s brownstone?” Spencer looked a little confused.

“Why not? It would be perfect, and it would save us time looking for something. We wouldn’t have to deal with realtors and all the other crap that goes into looking for a place.”

Spencer thought about it and smiled, “Okay, okay Aaron, I think it’s a great idea.”

“Oh, and Spencer, that leaves a space on the team. That is..”

Spencer’s face lit up, he never thought he’d get a second chance at the job he loved. He enjoyed the consulting, but it wasn’t the same. “Yes, yes Aaron I want to come back.” And he felt like this was going to be the second best decision of his life, the first was sitting at Aaron’s table in his café a little over 6 months prior.  
___________________________________________________________________________________________  
Aaron looked over the regulations on fraternization that Erin Strauss had given him. He noticed an unusual clause and it made him pause. It could work, he thought. And after the teams ordeal with the bank heist and JJ’s surprise wedding Aaron got an idea. It was crazy, and Spencer might be upset, but he was going to take a chance. He consulted with Dave, who agreed with the plan. Then it was just a matter of getting Spencer just where he wanted him.


	20. All About Doctor Reid

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spencer wakes up one day and Aaron isn't there, but there is a letter, which starts him on a kind of scavenger hunt. Where will it lead him?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _In marriage there are no manners to keep up, and beneath the wildest accusations no real criticism. Each is familiar with that ancient child in the other who may erupt again. We are not ridiculous to ourselves. We are ageless. That is the luxury of the wedding ring._ \- Enid Bagnold
> 
> So this chapter was actually inspired by TheAllonsyGirl's story "Infamous". I already had part of this in mind and her story inspired some of the rest. Thank you AllonsyGirl for the inspiration.
> 
> This also happens to be one of my favorite chapters of this story. Hope you guys like it too.

Spencer woke early in the morning and noticed that Aaron wasn’t there. It was Sunday and he had been hoping to spend the day relaxing with his lover after he put in a couple of hours at the cafe. Disappointment crossed his face when he realized Aaron wasn’t there. He reached over and saw the envelope sitting on Aaron’s pillow. He sat up and slowly opened it.

_Spencer,_

_You know I’m not one for letters, but after the last couple of monts I haven’t been able to put into words what it was I wanted to say. I love you Spencer and when you went missing, again, it made me realize just how much I love you. You’re wondering about now why I couldn’t tell you in person, but be patient and all will be revealed. I know this is your day to be at the café for a few hours in the morning. Go there for I have a surprise waiting._

_Love Aaron._

Spencer was a little surprised by Aaron’s letter, but he smiled at the thought. He got up, took his shower, got dressed, grabbed the cup of coffee that was waiting for him in his go cup on the counter and headed out the door. As soon as he got to the café his general manager Angela was there.

As soon as she saw him she smiled and handed him another envelope, “Here, this is for you,”

_Spencer,_

_Almost ten months ago now you made the first move. I was sitting in that corner table, head buried in reports. You sat down in front of me and asked if I missed you. I couldn’t put into words then just how much I had missed you Spencer. I wasted so much time missing you instead of trying to look for you, but this time, you had found me. That day was one of the happiest days of my life. I was still drowning in grief, missing our son and I couldn’t move on. You saved me that day Spencer Reid and I will always be eternally grateful._

_If you haven’t already, looked in the envelope, the next clue to the mystery awaits._

_Yours always,_

_Aaron._

Spencer looked inside the envelope and there was a key card. He should be a little bit terrified after what they had just gone through, but he wasn’t. He didn’t know what was going on, but he would follow the trail that Aaron set. He made it to the Hampton Inn and went up to Room 225. He used the key and was startled to see Dr. Clemmens there.

“Hi Spencer, I hear you’ve returned to the bureau. How do you like it?”

“I actually love being back. I didn’t’ realize how much I missed being there.”

“Aaron said you transitioned back in quite smoothly. I’m glad to hear that. Here, this is for you, and Spencer?”

“Yeah?” He frowned just slightly.

“This is a good thing, now be patient and let this play out, okay?” She gave him a small box and another envelope.

_Spencer,_

_Open the box. I know it’s not usual for men to wear a locket, but I saw these and knew they were for us. I have one myself. Spencer, I don’t ever want to forget our son. Jack was a special little boy and I will always love him and miss him. I’ve come to realize that we can love those that we’ve lost and still move on. I hope this helps you too. Don’t cry my love, he will always be a part of us no matter what we do or where we go we will always know we had that bright spot of sunshine in our lives however brief it was._

_Dr. Clemmens holds the address to the next part of our story._

_Always, Aaron_

Spencer opened the box and inside was a simply designed small silver locket. When he opened it there was a baby picture of Jack on one side and the picture Aaron had taken on Jacks first day of school on the other. Spencer sat down on the bed holding it, letting the tears come. He put the locket on and let it fall under his shirt so it rested next to his heart. He wiped the tears and smiled. 

“Amanda, Aaron said you have an address for me?”

She smiled and handed the young man a piece of paper, “Aaron said you’d know where this was”.

He looked at the address and immediately knew where to go. He shook hands with the doctor and ran out the door got in his Volvo and raced to the next address.

When he pulled up to that small French bistro they had their first “date” at he smiled. He parked and walked up to the front door and saw Morgan standing there.

“Hey pretty boy, took you long enough. Here, this is for you,” And he was handed another envelope.

“See ya later my bother,” Morgan smiled mischievously and that should have been a warning signal, but Spencer was still going to play along for the time being.

_Spencer,_

_I know you’re probably getting really antsy, but trust me, you have so far. I’m sure Morgan almost gave away the surprise, and you’re probably standing there wondering what is going on. Patience.  
This was where we had our first ‘date’ in such a long time. It’s also the first time I had taken you fully and completely. You put your complete trust in me and that is a gift I will never abuse. You knew me so well, you knew what I needed and in that you helped yourself as well. All of the hardships we suffered, all the destruction that happened didn’t make either of us lose that trust. The gifts freely given will always be cherished._

_Inside this envelope is your next destination._

_All my love and trust,_

_Aaron._

Spencer looked inside and saw the address of a men’s shop. He frowned at that, Aaron hardly bought any clothes for him so he didn’t know what was going on. He trusted Aaron so far so he went with it and drove the short distance it took to get there. When he walked in he saw Dave standing there waiting for him.

“I was about to start shopping myself if it took you any longer”.

“What is going on? What is this all about Dave?”

“Patience young Jedi, here, take this and go talk to that salesmen over there,” He looked to where Dave was pointing, walked over there and handed the man the receipt.

“See you later Spencer,” Dave smiled and started whistling a Sinatra tune as he walked out the door.

“You must be Spencer. Wait here I will be right back”. The salesman was gone for just a moment when he came back with a garment bag in his hand.

“Okay, here you go, you can go change right over here. I’ll check to make sure everything fit’s okay when you’re done”.

Spencer quirked up a brow but complied. When he got to the dressing room and unzipped the garment bag he smiled wide. He took the envelope that was in the pocket of the bag and read it.

_Spencer,_

_You wore something similar the morning after our reconciliation. When I saw you standing at the old-fashioned espresso machine, your hands working the complicated mechanism it went straight to my heart. The pure joy on your face when helping your customers was a treasure to behold. That’s why this outfit will always hold a special place in my heart. When it was destroyed it saddened me. I spent several days seeking out a replacement, wear it for me today Spencer? Just like you did on that first date. When you get changed, you will find a clue to your next destination._

_I will always remember,_

_Aaron._

There in the garment bag was a new fitted gray shirt, paisley fitted waistcoat and charcoal black blazer. He put them on and felt the rest of his outfit was too casual, but for Aaron he would do just about anything. He stepped out and the salesmen came over and handed him another hanger. This time it was a pair of charcoal black pants and a pair of mismatched socks. He immediately went back in the changing room and put them on. He came out and the salesmen nodded his approval.

“Perfect, now for the tie,” He handed over a thin lilac tie that matched the vest, and a lilac pocket handkerchief for the breast pocket of the blazer. Spencer put them on, thanked the salesmen and went back to his car. He threw the clothes he was previously wearing into the back of the car and sat there slightly confused. Aaron had said there was another clue. He started to pat down the blazer and found in the inside pocket a note with an address. He drove to the address and got out, only to see that it was a jewelry store. He frowned deep but walked in and saw Emily standing there with a sales girl.

“Emily? What are you doing here? What’s going on? Do you know what the hell all of this is about? This is so not like Aaron…”

“Aaron asked if I had some time and I wouldn’t miss this for the world. Reid, this is a good thing, and I have to say you look pretty damn good”. She smiled wide and pulled him into a hug. “Don’t think, just know he loves you. Now this is Anna, she has something for you”.

“Spencer, here, Aaron told me to give this to you first”. It was a small gold envelope. Spencer took it and carefully opened it. There wasn’t much on it, but what there was emotion caught in his throat.

_Spencer,_

_You may be a little mad I’m not doing this in person, but there is a reason, which will be revealed soon. Anna has something for you, but don’t open it yet, just keep reading.  
Dr. Spencer Reid, Will You Marry Me? Please say yes, because I want to spend the rest of my life with you. If your answer is yes give Emily the appropriate card and I will see you soon._

_Yours Forever,_

_Aaron._

“You, ah have something for me?”

Anna smiled and pushed a small box over to the Dr. Emily was watching, with a wide smile on her face. He opened the box and sitting inside was a silver tungsten ring with a blue band wrapping around the whole thing and lightly etched into the blue were faint outlines of mini Tardis’s. He laughed at the thought that Aaron had taken in having the ring made for him. On the inside was the inscription, “Through all of Space and Time”. Tears gathered in the corners of his eyes as he slipped the ring on his left hand ring finger and gave Emily the card that said Yes.

Emily gathered Reid in a hug, “Congratulations. Here, your next destination”.

Spencer sighed, he was getting a little frustrated with Aaron, and yet this was a side he hadn’t ever seen from his lover and he was enjoying this impromptu scavenger hunt.

“Stop thinking so much Reid and just go with it. This is a good thing. I’ll see you in a little bit”. He frowned at her words, but watched as she walked out the door. He took another moment to look down at the ring on his finger and smiled. He took the small card and saw the address. For the life of him Spencer didn’t know why Aaron wanted him to go there, but he trusted the man this far, so he would continue on.

He pulled into the cemetery and walked up to the grave of Jackson Aaron Hotchner. Reid lowered himself next to the headstone and laid a hand on it, he wouldn’t let the tears come, but his heart was full of love and sadness.

“I’m sorry I haven’t come to see you buddy. Sometimes, missing you, it hurts too much. You’re Dad and I will always love you Jack, my little Spiderman”. He hung his head and let the silent tears fall. He didn’t hear anyone approach, and was startled when a hand gently squeezed his shoulder.

“Spence,” JJ was there with Will and Henry, “I have something for you”.

Spencer stood up, wiped his pants off and JJ took him in her arms. She never wanted to know the depth of pain that Aaron and Spencer knew from losing their son. JJ broke the embrace and handed Spencer a silver envelope.

_Spencer,_

_You’re probably wondering why I wanted you to come here. It’s because after the funeral, I lost you. I lost you in so many ways. I was drowning in my own grief that I forgot that you lost a son too. I wasn’t there for you and you turned to the one thing that I never wanted you to turn to. I take responsibility for my part in your relapse. Spencer, I am so sorry I forgot. But, like I said, you found me again and you saved me this time. Spencer, nothing we do will bring our beautiful boy back to us, but I want to have children with you again. I want you to give to someone that love, the gift of learning and the pure joy that you gave Jack. I hope that you want that too. I miss seeing the joy on your face as you hold a child in your arms teaching them, reading to them and loving them. Please, let’s begin again and give another child the gift of your joy and love._

_JJ has the last part of your destination. I know I’ve frustrated you, but I hope you see it was worth it in the end. I will see you soon._

_You are my Joy and My Love,_

_Aaron._

JJ was smiling at Spencer holding another address. “JJ, do you know what the heck is going on? No one will tell me what this is all about”.

“Spencer,” Her smile wide, her blue eyes bright, “Just trust him, he loves you, now, go and we’ll see you later”.

Spencer let out a huff of frustration and she just laughed as Will led her away. He looked down and the address was back at the BAU. He frowned deep and was getting slightly angry, but tried to tamp down his temper. He parked and went into the bullpen, but didn’t find anyone there. He went to his desk and sitting there was another gold envelope. He heard someone coming and looked up, “Penelope”.

“Yes, my baby genius? You call I answer”. She was standing there in a very pretty black and white outfit with whimsical black and orange hair clips. A little tamer than her usual attire and Spencer was quite confused.

“Well, open it, we don’t have all day”. He shook his head and opened the envelope.

_Spencer,_

_You once told me that you didn’t believe in love at first sight. But, I have to confess that the first time I saw you at an FBI recruitment seminar my heart skipped. I had never felt such a fast connection with someone, but I felt it was inappropriate to act on those feelings at the time. Fast forward to two years later when we finally acted on those feelings after The Blue Ridge Strangler case I was the happiest man on earth. Yes, we had to keep it secret, but I wouldn’t change those days for anything in the world. Even though things happened that tore us apart, I knew deep down that someday we would meet again and this time I promise to never let you go. Just one more stop and we will be together. This time Penelope will drive for I want this part to be a complete surprise._

_Love Then, Love Now, Love always,_

_Aaron._

“Garcia, do you know what is going on? Why has Aaron led me around the city to only come back here?”

She smiled wide at him, “Reid, can’t you guess by now?”

He shook his head no, and she just walked-up to him, took his arm and led her to his car. “Come on you, let’s get you back to your man”.

Spencer nodded and couldn’t help but to be pulled along. They got into Garcia’s car, Esther and she drove him to his final destination. A few minutes later they pulled-up to Rossi’s house and Spencer was now completely confused. It was late afternoon by now and Spencer was getting a little tired, so he was a bit cranky.

“Aaron thought you might be a little cranky, so he sent this out for you,” Alex and James approached them and handed him a glass of champagne.

“Alex, what is going on?” She smiled and handed him a small thick cream colored envelope. He frowned, he had been doing a lot of that during this crazy day, and then he really looked at Alex and Penelope. Then his face broke out in the biggest smile.

“He didn’t..”

“He did”.

“But..”

“Spencer, just open the card”. Spencer opened the envelope and pulled out a beautiful flat cream colored card.

_Spencer,_

_I am assuming you said Yes. If not, this all would have been for nothing, but I know you love me. I know Halloween is your favorite time of year, but the date is in the middle of the week, so I hope this is a good compromise._

_Aaron._

The small simple card read:

_You are cordially invited to the wedding of Dr. Spencer Matthew Reid and Aaron Michael Hotchner on this day of October 28, 2012._

“Alex, you’re serious?”

“Come on and see,” She held out her arm for him to take on one side and her husband James on the other. As they approached the house he saw the line of carved pumpkins all lit up and he smiled. But when they entered the house the last big surprise waited for him.

“Mom,” He said quietly as he looked over and saw Dr. Diana Reid standing there in a beautiful black and white knee length dress, and his father William Reid in a modest tux, “Dad. You’re here. How?” He was speechless.

William spoke up, “Your Mom has been on some new meds. Aaron contacted me a few of weeks ago and asked if she would be up for traveling. We discussed with her Doctor and he cleared her for three days”.

“There is no way I would miss this day my perfect boy,” She took him in her arms and said quietly, “Even though you are marrying someone in the government”. She looked back at her son and smiled playfully.

“Mom, you do know I also work for the government again, right?” She laughed and took his arm. “You guys aren’t disappointed?”

“About what Spencer?” His Dad asked, looking at his son with love.

“That I’m marrying a man, that I never told you I’m gay?”

“Spencer, it doesn’t matter to us who you marry, as long as you are happy. And, it looks like Aaron makes you happy”. William took his son in his arms and hugged him tight, “I’m sorry it took me this long to come back to you Spencer, but remember, I’ve always been very proud of you”.

He pulled out of his father’s embrace. Alex then tapped him on his shoulder, “I think someone is getting anxious,” She led him to the large backyard and saw all of his friends sitting there. He even saw Ethan, his old college roommate and smiled at him. Then his eyes went to the man standing there in a beautiful tux with a bright dimple showing smile on his face and Spencer’s heart caught in his throat. He said under his breath, “Aaron”.

“Here, you’re going to need this,” Alex handed Spencer a small box and sitting in it was another ring. This also was a tungsten ring with a blue band which had faint carvings of beautiful stars around it. The inside inscription read “Forever past the Sun, Moon and Stars,” His voice caught in his throat.

“He remembered,” Before everything went wrong in their lives Aaron and Spencer had talked about marriage and what their perfect wedding rings would look like. Spencer had told Aaron that he would love him forever past the sun, moon and stars. Spencer couldn’t believe that Aaron remembered.

He looked around and noticed that the lights that were strung up framing the guests were pumpkins, skeletons, and dangling witches. Instead of the traditional flowers at the end of the aisles there were haystacks with carved lit pumpkins sitting on top. Aaron was standing on a raised platform that had hanging scarecrows and skeletons and more carved pumpkins. It should’ve been out of place for a wedding, but it was whimsical, beautiful and oh so Spencer all at the same time. 

Alex and his Dad found seats, but his Mother grabbed his arm, looked-in his face and Spencer nodded. She walked him down the aisle and when they got to the front she grabbed him in a hug, kissed his cheek and said, “Be happy Spencer”. She moved off to sit next to William. Spencer approached the platform and from then on only had eyes for the man he loved. Aaron took his hands and smiled.

“I know you already sent you’re reply, but I just can’t help it. Spencer Reid, will you marry me?”

“Yes, Aaron I will marry you, and yes I do want to have more children with you. I want today to begin the rest of our lives together. Thank you, this was the perfect day”.

“The day isn’t quite over yet”. The ceremony was short, but just right for Aaron and Spencer.   
When Spencer slipped the ring on Aaron’s finger he said, voice thick with emotion, “You remembered.”

“Always Spencer, I’ll always remember.” Aaron smiled brilliantly at the love of his life.

When it was done, after the vows had been spoken, Aaron took Reid’s face in his hands and kissed him long and deep. When they pulled away they turned to their friends and family. 

The pastor looked out and announced, “I present to you Dr. and Mr. Reid-Hotchner”. Everyone jumped out of their seats clapping and cheering loudly. The rest of the evening passed with friends, food and wine. Music played from a small live band and there was dancing, more drinking and a whimsical Halloween themed cake.

“Aaron, how did you…”

“Spencer, does it matter? We’re here now. Here, one more gift”.

“Aaron, you’ve given me so much,” Spencer looked at his husband with love and happiness.

“Spencer, just open it up”. He opened the envelope and saw that it was two plane tickets to Europe.

“Our honeymoon, two weeks together, and I promise no work”. Aaron smiled.

Spencer laughed, looked towards his husband and said, “This is only the beginning”. They kissed and knew this time, this time was their forever.


	21. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's Aaron and Spencer's one year anniversary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Happiness is not a matter of intensity but of balance, order, rhythm and harmony_ \- Thomas Merton
> 
> Well guys, here it is the end of the story. I hope you enjoyed the ride as much as I enjoyed writing it. Thank you everyone for all you're wonderful reviews, encouragement and kudos.

_One Year Later,_

“Caitlin, Connor, come on we gotta go,” Aaron yelled up the stairs. About two minutes later two young children, twins actually, were running down with their backpacks and jackets in hand.

“Daddy, Caitlin won’t give me back my Mater.” Aaron sighed.

“Caitlin, give Connor back his truck.”

“But he took the brain teaser book Papa gave me.” Caitlin pouted.

“Connor, Caitlin we’ll deal with it tonight, come on we have to go.” Spencer ushered the children into Aaron’s SUV. Once they finally all settled they made their way to the kid’s school first before heading into the FBI offices. Spencer was looking at his daughter through the rearview mirror and saw she looked pensive.

“Cait sweetie, is everything okay?” At first she looked like she wasn’t going to say anything then she asked quietly.

“Papa, who’s Jack?” The question caught both men off guard. It wasn’t that they avoided talking about Jack, they often would when they were alone in their room at night.

“Why do you ask honey?” He kept looking at her steadily.

“I heard you and Daddy talking last night when I got up to go to the bathroom.” 

Spencer held back his emotions, he was coping and adopting Connor and Caitlin had helped, but he figured that he would always be emotional when it came to their lost son.

“He was our son sweetheart.”

“Where is he?”

“Caitlin, we can talk about this later, okay baby?” Aaron was trying to steer the conversation away from the sensitive topic, more for Spencer than for himself. He still grieved, but he knew Spencer was still having a hard time, but slowly he was getting there.

Aaron pulled up to the elementary school and let the two kids out. They both gave Aaron and Spencer hugs and kisses, then headed into their respective classrooms. The two men got back in the car and headed into work.

“Aaron,” Spencer looked to his husband with a wide open smile, “I forgot..”

“Wait, before you say more, you Spencer Reid-Hotchner forgot something?” Aaron smirked over at his husband.

Spencer glared back at Aaron, “I was going to say…you know what? Never mind.” Reid feigned annoyance.

“Spencer, I’m sorry. What were you going to say?” Aaron asked as they pulled into the parking lot of the FBI building.

“I don’t know if I should tell you now,” He said as he grabbed his messenger bag and go bag.

Aaron captured the younger man in his arms before Spencer could make a break for the elevator doors. 

“Spencer,” He leaned down and took his mouth with his in a passionate kiss, “Now, what were you going to tell me?”

Spencer smiled, “I was going to say Happy Anniversary.” Spencer slipped something into Aaron’s pocket but the older man didn’t feel it, and Spencer wanted it that way. He’d find it later and thinking of the surprise put a smile on his face.

A brilliant smile broke out on Aaron’s face, “Happy Anniversary. I love you Spence,” He kissed his partner one more time before letting him go. They held hands till they got to the sixth floor that housed the BAU offices. Once there, they broke apart ready for the day ahead. Of course they didn’t get far when Garcia accosted them.

“I know neither of you like the big to do’s, but I just couldn’t let today go by without doing something. So here.” She shoved a small pink box at them. “I know what a crazy sweet tooth you have my junior g-man, but I also know how much bossman likes it a little spicy, so this is my own recipe, I hope you like it.” She smiled as she walked off.

They opened the box to see a small chocolate cake with chocolate frosting with the words, “Happy Anniversary.” Written in a beautiful fluid script, attached was a note that said, ‘Chocolate, Ginger, and Chipotle cake with raspberry filling and a chocolate, chipotle butter cream frosting’. 

“Sounds interesting,” Aaron smiled he knew that whatever Garcia prepared would be nothing less than delicious.

The two men smiled at each other as they moved to their respective desks. When Spencer got to his there was a wrapped box sitting there waiting. He looked around at his teammates, but no one was saying a thing or looking his way. He ripped open the package and in the box was a photo album. He slowly took it out and started to look through it.

The photos were all from his and Aaron’s wedding, they weren’t professional photos, these were the candid shots many of their friends and family had taken throughout the evening. They were each individually framed on each page, almost like a scrapbook but with a more elegant touch. When he got to the last pages the letters Aaron had given to him on that day were in there, “How the hell?” Reid thought. There was even a copy of the invitation. But what touched his heart the most were the pictures with his parents. They had both taken Aaron into their hearts and treated him like a son. 

Pictures of Sean and his girlfriend Alicia were there as well. It broke Spencer’s heart just a little that Aaron’s mother refused to come to the wedding. Aaron, in a show of graciousness had called her and told her. Aaron never told him what his mother said, but from the pain and sadness in Aaron’s eyes after the phone call Spencer could only guess. Aaron sent an invitation anyway not expecting her to show up. The fact that she didn’t show didn’t surprise Reid, but it made him sad for Aaron.

The pictures of Emily put a smile on his face. Though she was now in London he wasn’t sad about it, Emily kept in touch. She didn’t forget about them and still considered them part of her family. She and Spencer sent letters back and forth to each other and he cherished the connection. 

Then there were the pictures of JJ, Will and Henry. Henry looked so cute in his little suit and tie. JJ, the sister of his heart, looked beautiful as always. 

Gideon had stayed, he didn’t run away again. They had many long talks and worked towards friendship. Spencer had forgiven Gideon, but their relationship would never be what it was. They settled on good friends and each man was happy with that. Aaron also worked out his issues with Gideon and they too worked towards a new friendship. They also wouldn’t be as close, too much happened between them but the friendship was comfortable and something they could live with.

The pictures varied, there were serious ones and goofy ones and Spencer could only guess that Garcia was the one that had a hand in putting this together. He found the card on the bottom, pulled it out and opened it.

_Aaron and Spencer_

_Even though the circumstances that led to the two of you telling us the truth we’re rather horrific we are all glad you did. This was a beautiful day and we are all honored you let us be a part of it. Hope you like the gift we all had a hand in putting together. We love you guys and Happy Anniversay._

_The Team._

It was signed by everyone there. Spencer looked up as saw that Alex, Morgan and JJ were looking at him with smiles on their faces.

“Thank you. This is beautiful. I take it Garcia had a hand in this?”

“Oh, you don’t even know pretty boy. She had us over on weekends going through the millions of photos everyone had taken. But, I’d have to say it was worth it in the end.” Morgan smiled wide. The last year he had been so happy that his little brother was back where he belonged. 

“I’ll be back.” Spencer grabbed the album and ran up to Aaron’s office. When he got up there he saw Aaron sitting there with tears in his eyes. Suddenly Spencer was concerned.

“Aaron? What’s wrong?” He rushed over to his husband thinking something awful had happened.

Aaron looked up at his husband with a smile, “Nothing’s wrong, here come see for yourself.” Spencer set the album he was carrying on the corner of the desk and went around and saw that Aaron was looking at another photo album.

Spencer started to look through it as he sat on Aaron’s knee. This was different than the wedding album, it was somehow more intimate. There were pictures from when Spencer first started with the team. There were pictures of Aaron, Haley and Jack, ones of justAaron, Spencer and Jack, and ones of just their son. A copy of their marriage license and a small grouping of wedding pictures, as well as pictures of Aaron and Spencer with Connor and Caitlin. A copy of the adoption paper and pictures of the party the team had thrown for them. Spencer realized what it was, this was their story from the time Spencer and Aaron first met to the present. Spencer couldn’t help it tears leaked out of his eyes.

“This is…” Spencer didn’t know what to say. It was the most beautiful and most intimate gift the team could have given them and his heart swelled. He also thought about the two years he had been gone and what a fool he had been to push away the family that loved him.

“I know,” Aaron said.

Just then David Rossi walked in, Spencer jumped off Aaron’s lap, blushing.

“Kid, thank god that’s all I walked in on,” He chuckled. “Here, Happy Anniversary you two,” Dave handed the two men an envelope. It was open ended plane tickets, two adults and two children to Italy. 

“Dave, what did you do?”

“What? You guys deserve a break. Go and enjoy. Take the kids have fun and forget about this place for a couple of weeks” And the couple knew there would be no arguing with David Rossi. The man loved being generous to his friends.

Aaron smiled that brilliant smile, “Thanks Dave, you didn’t have to do this, but I know there is no arguing with you.”

Dave just smiled and walked back to his office.

“So, have you checked your pockets yet?” Spencer looked at his husband with arched brows. Aaron frowned as he patted down his pockets, then he felt the box. He pulled it out and unwrapped it emotion filled his chest so much he felt like he almost couldn’t breathe.

“Spencer,” He took the coin out of the box and held it. It was Spencer’s third year sobriety coin, but he’d had it engraved. _Aaron a promise I’ll always keep._ “I don’t know what to say Spence.” 

Spencer smiled wide, “You don’t have to say anything Aaron. You weren’t the only one saved that day I saw you in my café. We saved each other.” He bent down and   
kissed his boss, his friend, his lover and his husband. He was grateful every day that he had the courage to make that first move.

Aaron pulled out of his desk a wrapped package, “I was going to wait till we got home, but here.” Spencer took the package and sat on one of the chairs opposite Aaron’s desk. He quickly opened it and it made him smile. 

“You remembered.” It was a first edition book, The Narrative of John Smith. Aaron had seen Spencer coveting it when they were out recently at a small bookstore that catered too hard to find books. 

“I did. Open it” Spencer opened the book to the read the inscription inside _“Love is our true destiny. We do not find the meaning of life by ourselves alone. We find it with another._ \- Thomas Merton”

“Aaron,” Spencer looked up at Aaron and fell in love all over again. “Thank you.” He surged out of his chair and walked over to his husband, taking Aaron’s face in his hands he gently kissed him. All his love and happiness he poured into that kiss. Aaron moaned appreciatively and pulled Spencer closer. That was until they heard someone clearing their throat at his office door.

JJ looked in and smiled, “We ah, we have case,” She looked at the two men smugly as she sauntered off.

“I’ll call Jess, have her pick up Connor and Caitlin from school.” Jessica Brooks, Haley’s sister had stayed close to the two men. She knew from the beginning the unusual arrangements of the little family. It had broken her heart when Haley and Jack died and when Spencer spiraled. She had tried to help, but grief does crazy things to people. She didn’t think that Aaron and Spencer would ever make it back to each other and when she got the wedding invitation she was thrilled for them. When she found out about them adopting the twins, she knew she wanted to help. It may not have been the same as Jack, but the two 5 year olds were helping them all to heal. So, she offered to take them whenever the BAU had a case and she was thrilled the first time they called her Aunt Jessica, without prompting from either father. Aaron hung up after talking to her for a few minutes glad that she was still in their lives.

“Well, I guess that means we are back to work.” Spencer smiled, took the book with him and put it in his messenger bag. One more thing to add to the small collection of memories he held dear to him. The older mementos were a Spiderman action figure, a letter from his mentor, a particularly special card from his mother, a long apology letter from his father, the wedding invitation, and the first note he had left for Aaron just over two years ago. He had recently added a birthday card that Connor and Caitlin had made for him and now the book. The bag was often heavy, but Spencer wouldn’t have it any other way.  
_________________________________________________________________________________________  
The team was trying to relax for a bit on the plane before they hit the ground. They had already done work on victimology, tossing theories around and making notes as necessary. Spencer got up from his set and went into the little kitchen and pulled out the cake that Garcia had given him and Aaron earlier that morning. He sliced it up and brought it out on a small tray he found in the under galley. 

“What’s this pretty boy?” Morgan asked.

“An Anniversary cake from Garcia, we wanted to share it with you guys.” He smiled as he passed it around. He kept a slice in the box to take back to Garcia, feeling it only fair that they share with her.

JJ looked at the couple sitting next to each other, talking lowly and reflected on all the things that brought them together. She got up and walked over, bent down and gave Spencer a kiss on the cheek.

“Happy Anniversary Spence, Aaron. Here, Henry wanted to give you something.” She smiled wide as Spencer took the awkwardly wrapped package. He opened it to find a set of teddy bears, both in tuxes holding a little sign that said “Happy Anniversary” the card was a crayon drawing of them with the twins and Love Henry written halfway across the top. Both men smiled wide at the adorable gift. It had taken Spencer a few months to repair his relationship with his Godson, but he was glad he did. Henry and the twins got along very well and it made Spencer’s heart soar.

“I’ll call him later to thank him. This was so sweet JJ.” He flashed her one of his brilliant smiles and to her surprise so did Aaron.

“Guys,” Aaron said, “Seriously thank you all for the wonderful gifts.” And that was all he would say.

They landed soon after and hit the ground running. It took four days of hard work, but they caught their unsub. When they got home Aaron and Spencer sat down and planned their trip to Italy. Strauss had no problem giving them their annual leave together. She had been surprised that they kept the relationship completely professional in the office and the field. Luckily they chose the right option from the booklet she had given them. Besides, with their results and with her finally understanding how they worked together as a team she would have fought the director to keep them on the same team anyway.

Later that night they snuggled in their bed with the twins and told them the story of Jackson Aaron Hotchner. They told them how much he had been loved and how much he was missed. Caitlin, the more sensitive one asked if they could visit him one day. Spencer smiled the pain wasn’t as bad and he felt honored that his daughter wanted to go to the cemetery and visit the brother she never got to know.

So, two weeks later the Reid-Hotchner family had an amazing vacation thanks to David Rossi and the team. They had learned that the team all pitched in to rent them a small villa for the two weeks they were there. It was an amazing vacation and it cemented even further just how much Spencer and Aaron loved each other.

They came back to a lot of good natured teasing. Paperwork never stopped and as he was hunkered down JJ came into Aaron’s office, “We have a case,” And she walked off to the conference room. And so another day of catching the bad guys, and another day he got to love Dr. Spencer Reid, and another day he had heard the happy sounds of his children. Aaron was overjoyed that he finally had it all.


End file.
